It's Arthur's Ashes!
Arthur's Ashes? That's the black bloke who won Wimbledon innit?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Do you know any hymns?
Er "We Three Kings of Orient Are".
DRDel & Rodney
(singing) We Three Kings...
(suddenly stops) That's a Christmas carol, you wally. Why don't you go the whole hog, and sing "Jingle Bells" while I sprinkle him around a bit?!
You play cards again last night?
Hmm... Yeah. You know me, eh: he who dares, wins.
How did you get on?
I lost.
You are giving my arse a headache, Rodney!
Beneath all this finery, there lies... a berk. Now that surprises you dunnit?
No.
[Del places a few £10 notes on the table]
Is that all you've got Del?
Eh? Uh no, no (nudging his head towards Rodney), Rodney's got the rest for me...
Oh yeah... Del, here's the four pound thirty-seven from the empties...
What you got?
I've got kings.
How many?
Un, deux, tois, quatre.
Four!?
I didn't know you were good at maths Del Boy.
Come on Del, let's see your two pair.
Well I've got a pair of aces and another pair of aces.
That's FOUR aces.
I didn't know you were good at maths either Boycie.
[Del has just beaten Boycie in their poker game]
(grudgingly) Well done, Del. Nicely played. (whispers) Where did you get those four bloody Aces from?
Same place you got those Kings. I knew you was cheating, Boycie.
Oh yeah, how?
Because that wasn't the hand that I dealt you.
(to himself on spotting that picture of Tommy whilst alone in the room) Bloody Hell, he's a big bloke!
IIrene
You'd better tell me your name, it'll get a bit embarrasing if I have to call you "Thingy" all night!
My name's Rodney.
IIrene
Irene.
No, Rodney.
[At the dinner table]
How old is she, 20?
No, she's about, 30!
How old is "about 30"?
40!
(coughing) 40! 40? Stone me Rodney.
What's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
Nothing. Nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey, she's even too old for me!
Well I'd have to think twice!
[Del meeting Tommy Mackay.]
Oh, but it was only a friendly drink.
TMTommy Mackay
But I'm not a friendly geezer. And that kind of thing makes me really angry! I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll remember for the rest of your life, Rodney, my old son!
Now let's not be hasty, eh? Rodney? Did you say Rodney?
TMTommy Mackay
Yeah that's right, Rodney Trotter, that's you, annit?
No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah I'm... I'm Rodney Trotter, yeah!
TTommy
Good, okay, Leroy, give him some air!
(to Tommy and Leroy after his camel coat lands in a puddle before the fight) Now look what you made do! That was a brand new coat!!
[Del and Rodney are sitting on a bench next to their mother's grave.]
It's quiet here.
(not really listening to what Del is saying) Yeah...
Peaceful.
Yeah.
You're decorating the kitchen of a Chinese take away tomorrow.
Yeah...
The sun is shining and the birds are singing.
(realises what Del has said) What was that?
The sun is shinging and the birds are singing?
No, before that.
Everything's quiet and peaceful?
No Del, in between everything being quiet and peaceful and the sun shining and the birds signing, you said something about a Chinese take away?
I had a telephone call from a man, he did not give me his name but he tells me, "Get your kitchen painted or you'll be in big trouble, John."
Oh. (penny drops) John?
Yeah, John. You know the expression "John". Cockney expression, bruv.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Only Fools and Horses pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.