Alan Eppes quotes from Numb3rs

Alan Eppes

Is that Amita sitting in the car out front?

Charlie Eppes

Yeah. We just stopped by for a minute, so I can check this text on encryption and codebreaking.

Alan Eppes

And you left Amita waiting in the car? No ... no. This is not the way we treat people, Charlie. You bring her inside, you at least offer her something to drink. You know, like an adult.

Charlie Eppes

We just stopped by for a second.

Alan Eppes

You came in 15 minutes ago, Charlie.

Alan Eppes

Well, it seems like your new math consultant is working out nicely.

Don Eppes

I gotta tell you, dad, I can't think of anyone who could have helped us the way Charlie did in this investigation.

Alan Eppes

You just remember how Charlie is. Can't seem to quit a problem. He's still working on the same one he's had since grade school.

Don Eppes

And what's that?

Alan Eppes

Trying to impress his big brother.

Charlie Eppes

It's like the evidence proves him right and wrong at the same time.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

Oh yeah, the old paradox of Schrödinger's cat.

Alan Eppes

Is that that Persian that keeps hiding out in our garage?

Charlie Eppes

Uh-uh, it's an intellectual exercise.

Alan Eppes

I knew that.

Charlie Eppes

In the first place, uh, we-we're not even sure that there, that there is a bomb, so ...

Alan Eppes

Bomb?

Charlie Eppes

Well, we don't know where it's gonna go off.

Alan Eppes

Well, maybe not, but I would suggest that people quickly taking a ride out of town in an easterly direction might be of help right now.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

Well, possibly not with these current wind conditions.

Alan Eppes

I heard that, uh, Don was leaning towards the wife.

Charlie Eppes

That's right.

Alan Eppes

Seems to be the first place they look nowadays.

Charlie Eppes

I don't understand. I mean, if you hate the person you're married to that much, get divorced.

Alan Eppes

Even the thought of divorce holds its own special horrors, let me tell you.

Charlie Eppes

Well, you and mom never thought about ... I mean, I was never witness to any kind of ...

Alan Eppes

That's exactly the way we wanted it.

Charlie Eppes

Is that the kind of stuff you talk about with Megan at lunch?

Don Eppes

Wait, hold on. You and Megan went out to lunch?

Alan Eppes

Please tell me you ordered something other than white food.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

This was a meal shared by two inquisitive minds in an intellectual pursuit.

Charlie Eppes

Of course it was, like all of your lunches with David. Oh, and with Colby.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

A gamma ray burst will release more energy in ten seconds than the sun will ever emit in its ten billion year lifespan.

Don Eppes

I got it, what's the Hulk's real name?

Charlie Eppes

Um, Bruce Banner.

Don Eppes

That's right. Didn't gamma rays turn him into the Hulk?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

[ignoring them] They come from the farthest ends of the universe, and after 45 years, we're still uncertain of their origin.

Alan Eppes

And?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

And we're closer to an answer on that than the three of you will ever get on this.

Don Eppes

... and Larry.

Alan Eppes

Now, there's an image.

Alan Eppes

You're ruining the game for the schmucks who play it to enjoy.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

Yeah, well, those are the schmucks who should stick to slot machines.

Don Eppes

Commie!

Alan Eppes

G-Man!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt

Nine! Nine! Nine!

Alan Eppes

Back off, Rain man.

Alan Eppes

What is wrong with you? Amita is beautiful, this girl's a stunner; what do you need?

Don Eppes

I think he just wants to be the cutest in bed.

Charlie Eppes

Hey ... so, we're gonna be back sometime Sunday night.

Alan Eppes

In time for dinner?

Charlie Eppes

Well, it is a math conference at Stanford ... so chances are we may be a little late.

Charlie Eppes

I gotta tell ya, from a mathematical standpoint the designs for this yacht are absolutley amazing. It almost has me thinking about getting back into my fluid dynamics work again.

Alan Eppes

Oh. I mean, abandon your cognitive emergence theory.

Charlie Eppes

I said "almost".

Alan Eppes

Oh, good, because I remember the damage some of those fluid dynamics experiments did on the pond in the backyard.

Charlie Eppes

Oh, all the koi lived.

Alan Eppes

You save all the dirty jobs for yourself.

Don Eppes

I do what has to be done – it's not like I like doing the dirty work.

Alan Eppes

Great! Now I have two jaded, world-weary sons!

Don Eppes

And this one's got a shrink to prove it.

Oswald Kittner

Unless there's a self-perpetuating element involved, like, er, nano-technology. Okay, you know when you stack up champagne glasses and fill them with champagne. You only pour the champagne into the top glass, and then it overflows to the others. It requires resources applied in one location, then it spreads.

Alan Eppes

Oh, good God, another one?