Nip/Tuck quotes

Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

Sean

Check out this bombshell. We're getting ready this morning, and Julia tells me she wants her breasts done.

Christian

If you're thinking conflict of interest, I'd like to volunteer my services.

Sean

Still have a crush on the missus, do we?

Christian

Let the records show that I dated her first and passed off my sloppy seconds to you.

Sean

My god, when was the last time we went to bed and you didn't hate me?

Christian

You wanna talk about the real reason you breezed into town? And do me a favour, Mr. Perez, when you answer, drop the 'no hablo English' bullshit. It doesn't add to my confusion about your predicament, it only highlights your own. I'm a doctor; what you tell me during consultation is confidential.

I prefer to let my money talk. [puts a large briefcase on the table]

Christian Troy

Nice alligator.

Twenty thousand dollars, according to your website. That's your fee.

Christian

Funny, isn't it? How certain things from Colombia have that pungent aroma that can stink up a room. Coffee, for instance, and of course there's the cartel money.

I'm not Colombian. My brother and I, we are Argentinean.

Christian

Mr. Perez, if you were Argentinean, I wouldn't have to recommend porcelain veneers. It's the only South American country with fluoride in the water. One last time, why are you running?

I was with the boss' girl.

Christian

Mr. Perez, you cad.

Christian

Can I buy you a drink?

Kimber

I don't drink.

Christian

Can I buy you an appetizer?

Kimber

I don't eat. I'm a model.

Another one before you hit the road?

Christian

No, I have to operate tomorrow.

Kimber

Are you a doctor?

Christian

[flashes smile] Plastic surgeon.

Christian

Let your shortcomings and imperfections fuel you. When you stop striving for perfection you might as well be dead.

Sean

[to Kimber, about Christian] Ms. Henry, I think you're confusing Dr. Troy's pleasant and very thorough bedside manner with real emotions.

Christian

We're in the vanity business, Sean. It's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid. It's how you fit in. Snip, snip, he feels better about himself, and you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is fatherhood?

Sean

I'm not doing anything to my son's penis or my wife's breasts. I don't want my family infected by what we do here.

Christian

What is it that we're doing, Sean, other than make people feel good about themselves?

Sean

What we do is let people externalize the hatred they feel about themselves.

Christian

Sean, do you know why we just bought twelves packs of ham?

Sean

Because alligators are finicky eaters.

Sean

Have you ever done twins?

Christian

[In a Sean Connery impression] Mother and daughter once but never twins.

Julia

I should be back by 10. Dinner is in the fridge. Heat it up for five minutes at 350º. And, Matt, don't show Annie The Exorcist again.

Matt

She needs to know that evil exists.

Christian

[after Julia had walked in on him in bed with the twins] I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to catch me in the middle of a DoubleMint moment right there.

Julia

Why haven't I had an orgasm in two years?!?

Sean

Because I didn't want to work that hard.

Sean

Did she indicate that if you slept with her she'd drop the lawsuit?

Christian

Are you actually telling me to stick my dick in the crypt keeper to make your mistake go away?