[On the music in the opening credits]
Crow: The organ has emphysema.
. . .
Mike: Come hear [credited as music] Libby Quinn play the organ with her feet.
Servo: [singing to the "Libby's, Libby's, Libby's on the Label, Label, Label" jingle] If it says Libby's, Libby's, Libby's, in the credits, credits, credits, you won't like it, like it, like it...
Mike: The music's gonna break into "Chest Fever" any minute.

[On the name Bharbara Egan.]
Crow: That's an illegal use of a silent consonant!

[On the name of "The Place"]
Mike: Formerly "That Other Place".
Servo: Yeah, they hired a huge consulting firm for millions of bucks, and this was the name they thought up.
. . .
Servo: Formerly "The Locale".
. . .
Mike: Formerly "The Site".
. . .
Crow: It's changed ownership. Now it's a gentleman's club.

[On the next piece of background music]
Crow: Okay, let's get funky.

[on the possibility of confronting a large group of armed slavers]
Cabot: Listen. As long as I have some blood left in my veins, I will always fight slavery and oppression!
Mike [as Cabot]: Uh, starting tomorrow.

[On the prehistoric planet, Dr. Farrell looks into the bubbling pond that swallowed a crewman.]
Joel: Is he primordial soup yet?

[On the SOL bridge, Crow is dressed as Jack Elam's character Jesse.]]
Crow: To live like the E-lam...

[On the SOL bridge, Crow takes "What a Pleasant Journey" (aka "The Train Song") in a different direction.]
Crow T. Robot: [singing]

[On the SOL bridge, Crow's menacing dark twin "Timmy" mutters something to Crow.]
Crow: Ah, Joel�� uh, Timmy's worried about Servo.
Joel: Oh�� why?
Crow: Um, well, he says he should cut down on the bacon and lard sandwiches before he dies.
Servo: What?!
. . .

[On the SOL bridge, Mike and the Bots are in costumes.]
Servo: Ah! Hello. Welcome to tonight's Mystery�� Murder�� Dinner�� Party--
Crow: I did it!
Gypsy, Servo, Mike: CROW!

[On the SOL Bridge, Mike has just explained that he reprogrammed the 'bots to have different regional speech patterns.]
Servo: So, Crow, before we go to the show, would you like to have Coke?
Crow: Uh sure, I'll have a root beer.
Servo: I said Coke.
Crow: I know, I'll have a root beer.
Servo: All I have is Coke.
Crow: Oh, then Forget it, I'll just use the bubbler.
Servo: Okay. Huh?
Crow: Oh, uh, by the way, what show are we seeing? I thought we were going to a movie.
Servo: We are.
Crow: And a show?
Servo: No!
Crow: Then why did you say we're going to a show?
Servo: Because we are!
Crow: What show?
Servo: Awakenings.
Crow: That's a movie!
Servo: I know! [sighs] Are you going to come with?
Crow: Come with what?
Servo: Me, Crow, me! Are you going to come with me?!
Crow: Yeah, but I'm a little low, could you borrow me some money?
Mike: Wait a minute, okay, I think that's enough. You know, there's a difference between regionalism and just plain stupidity.
Crow: But Mike, irregardless of that fact...
. . .
Crow: So what time's dinner?
Servo: Noon okay?
Crow: But that's lunch!
Servo: Lunch, dinner, same thing.
[The Mad's light flashes]
Servo: Oh, something's flashing over to the whatsit there.
Crow: Ooh, the blinker!

[On the SOL bridge, Servo is trapped in an Alien-like cocoon, while Crow fights Timmy.]
Servo: [moaning] Kill me! Kill me! Kil-- [normally] Uh, say, Crow? Could you please kill me?
Crow: I'm a little busy now, Servo!
. . .
[As Joel and Crow try to expel Timmy from the SOL��]
Servo: Okay, don't kill me! Sure could go for a sammich, though!
Crow: Oh, shut up!

[On the SOL bridge, two clowns caper about on the hexfield viewscreen.]
Clown #1: Have I shown you my magical, whimsical squirting flower?
Servo: Yes, about a kajillion times!
Clown #1: Ooohhh... well, have I shown you my rash?
[Joel and the Bots scream. Joel holds a pair of wire cutters and prepares to snip a wire.]
Joel: Hi, everyone, welcome to the Sattelite of Love. I came up with this Holo-Clown Sequencer to cheer up the Bots but now I can't get it to shut off and it's getting hard to sleep at night and I'm tasting metal!
Clown #2: [to Gypsy] Hey, little girl! Do you want a salted nut roll?
[The Bots all scream again, as does Clown #1.]
Clown #2: [to Clown #1] Stop it! Stop screaming! You think I like being stuck in limbo with you? NO! Get on your orange and yellow knees and kiss my clown feet that I haven't killed you!!
Undersea Kingdom, Chapter 1 (short)

[On the SOL, Gypsy turned off the power for maintenance. The Bots have looted the SOL]
Crow: If it goes out again, I'm grabbing my blender.

[On the SOL, Mike has been hit in the face by a crazy pitch from Servo.]
Crow: Mike, now say "I was born on a pirate ship."
Mike: I was born on a pile of... Hey!