Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Kalgan pushes a mop-haired engineer off a railing]
Mike: Oh, no, the death of Rick Springfield!
Servo: I just wish I had Jessie's Giiiiiiiiiiirl!
Mike: Oh, no, the death of Rick Springfield!
Servo: I just wish I had Jessie's Giiiiiiiiiiirl!
[Kathy is worried about a cut on Paul's forehead.]
Paul: I don't live too far from here. And I have lots of antiseptics at my place.
Servo: Dozens! No, hundreds of antiseptics!
Kathy: Your place?
Paul: Yeah, my place.
Mike: I call it "Antiseptic Manor."
Kathy: Fine. Your place, then.
[Thunder rumbles.]
Crow [as God]: Not his place! Fornicators!
Paul: I don't live too far from here. And I have lots of antiseptics at my place.
Servo: Dozens! No, hundreds of antiseptics!
Kathy: Your place?
Paul: Yeah, my place.
Mike: I call it "Antiseptic Manor."
Kathy: Fine. Your place, then.
[Thunder rumbles.]
Crow [as God]: Not his place! Fornicators!
[Kay and her college roommates are having their usual gab session. Nearby, a lamp with Kay's name on the lampshade is seen.]
Servo: Hats off to Ray, the whimsical lampshade.
Narrator: ...but then Kay came up with that all-important question.
Joel [as Kay]: How do Pop-Tarts work?
Kay: What are you doing to major in, Helen?
. . .
Louise: What are you going to take, Jean?
Joel [as Jean]: I'm going to take Bob for everything he's got!
. . .
Kay: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to teach.
Joel [as Kay]: Because I can't do.
Servo: Hats off to Ray, the whimsical lampshade.
Narrator: ...but then Kay came up with that all-important question.
Joel [as Kay]: How do Pop-Tarts work?
Kay: What are you doing to major in, Helen?
. . .
Louise: What are you going to take, Jean?
Joel [as Jean]: I'm going to take Bob for everything he's got!
. . .
Kay: You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to teach.
Joel [as Kay]: Because I can't do.
[Kay is discussing college with her family.]
Servo: She consulted Robert McNamara.
Joel: And Ayn Rand!
Servo: She consulted Robert McNamara.
Joel: And Ayn Rand!
[Kay meets her roommate Jean for the first time.]
Crow [as Jean]: [in a Curly Howard voice] Hi! Howya doin'? We're gonna have a great time! We're gonna be pals!
Crow [as Jean]: [in a Curly Howard voice] Hi! Howya doin'? We're gonna have a great time! We're gonna be pals!
[Kay steps behind Nick while holding a hammer]
Joel: Kay's worked on the kill floor - she knows where to deliver the blow.
Joel: Kay's worked on the kill floor - she knows where to deliver the blow.
[Keiko hits a captive drug dealer in the crotch with her sword.]
Crow: It's Dworkinfest '78!
Crow: It's Dworkinfest '78!
[Kenny searches for his turtle Tibby among the shore rocks.]
Kenny: Tibby? Tibby? Tibby?
Joel: Like the turtle's gonna call out if he hears him.
Kenny: Tibby? Tibby? Tibby?
Joel: Like the turtle's gonna call out if he hears him.
[Kevin shoots a gun into the air]
Crow: Oh, great! You just shot down Air Force One, you dope!
Crow: Oh, great! You just shot down Air Force One, you dope!
[King Claudius holds out a cup of poisoned wine to Hamlet.]
Claudius: Here, to thy health.
Servo [as Claudius]: ...coming to a sudden end.
Claudius: Here, to thy health.
Servo [as Claudius]: ...coming to a sudden end.
[Kipling and his staff finally stop John Beck's seizure from the rabies vaccine.]
Mike [as Kipling]: Um... do you have any drug allergies?
Mike [as Kipling]: Um... do you have any drug allergies?
[Kitty abruptly breaks off her relationship with Jimmy.]
Kitty: You'll always be a shoe salesman at $25 a week.
Servo [as Jimmy]: Eighteen, after taxes!
Kitty: You'll always be a shoe salesman at $25 a week.
Servo [as Jimmy]: Eighteen, after taxes!
[Klutzy Lt. Bradley demonstrates martial arts and winds up somersaulting to the ground.]
Lt. Bradley: Hi-keeba!
Lt. Bradley: Hi-keeba!
[Kolos, played by Richard Kiel, "beams down" from his ship with his hands outstretched.]
Servo [as Kolos]: I'm huge.
Servo [as Kolos]: I'm huge.
[Korminski, speaking in his thick Russian accent, finishes his phone call.]
Korminski: Yes, thees time, we can pay the bill, okay?!
Joel, Crow, Servo [as Korminski/Manuel]: Hch-okay, Mee-ster Fawlty!
. . .
[As Korminski walks off to load the ship, Hubbard turns to Capt. Kemp.]
Hubbard: That's Mr. Korminski, isn't it? Your engineer? What nationality is he?
Crow [as Kemp/Fawlty]: [annoyed] He's from Barcelona.
Korminski: Yes, thees time, we can pay the bill, okay?!
Joel, Crow, Servo [as Korminski/Manuel]: Hch-okay, Mee-ster Fawlty!
. . .
[As Korminski walks off to load the ship, Hubbard turns to Capt. Kemp.]
Hubbard: That's Mr. Korminski, isn't it? Your engineer? What nationality is he?
Crow [as Kemp/Fawlty]: [annoyed] He's from Barcelona.