Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[During an unpleasant closeup of the queen ant laying eggs.]
Crow: Hope no one's eating rice at this point.
Crow: Hope no one's eating rice at this point.
[During another flashback sequence...]
Crow: We didn't like these scenes the first time!
. . .
[The flashback includes a moment that only happened a few scenes earlier.]
Crow: No fair! You can't flash back to stuff we saw ten seconds ago!
Crow: We didn't like these scenes the first time!
. . .
[The flashback includes a moment that only happened a few scenes earlier.]
Crow: No fair! You can't flash back to stuff we saw ten seconds ago!
[During another one of Pearl's pledge breaks, Pearl has shown a clip of her signing a duet with Brain Guy.]
Professor Bobo: Hey, I can sing, too! [singing off-key] And now you find yourself in '82-- [Pearl kicks him in the groin.]
Professor Bobo: Hey, I can sing, too! [singing off-key] And now you find yourself in '82-- [Pearl kicks him in the groin.]
[During another simulation, Fingal has been sent to the Garden of Eden.]
Mike, Crow, Servo: [singing to the background music] You can't always get what you want...
. . .
[Two tablets fall from the sky, and Fingal catches them.]
Servo [as God]: Here's some more commandments I forgot.
Mike, Crow, Servo: [singing to the background music] You can't always get what you want...
. . .
[Two tablets fall from the sky, and Fingal catches them.]
Servo [as God]: Here's some more commandments I forgot.
[During Dr. Conway's mournful after-dinner organ performance, Mark gets up to check on Natalie.]
Sharon: Don't you enjoy the doctor's music?
Crow [as Mark]: Yeah, that's why I'm leavin'.
. . .
[Conway's piece enters a repetitive passage.]
Crow [as Conway]: I'm sorry, I can't think of the ending!
Servo [as Groucho]: I can't think of anything else!
Sharon: Don't you enjoy the doctor's music?
Crow [as Mark]: Yeah, that's why I'm leavin'.
. . .
[Conway's piece enters a repetitive passage.]
Crow [as Conway]: I'm sorry, I can't think of the ending!
Servo [as Groucho]: I can't think of anything else!
[During Jimmy's trial...]
Jimmy: Maybe I shouldn't say this, Your Honor...
Joel [as Jimmy]: ...but I'm Esther Rolle!
Jimmy: But... I accuse my parents!
[Everyone applauds.]
Servo: Yes! We have a title!
Jimmy: Maybe I shouldn't say this, Your Honor...
Joel [as Jimmy]: ...but I'm Esther Rolle!
Jimmy: But... I accuse my parents!
[Everyone applauds.]
Servo: Yes! We have a title!
[During one of Johnny Longbow's long-winded monologues, thunder rumbles in the distance.]
Crow [as God]: Stop talking, Johnny Longbone(sic)!
Crow [as God]: Stop talking, Johnny Longbone(sic)!
[During one of the many "African" scenes.]
Mike: Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.
Mike: Sadly, this tribe of extras no longer exists.
[During one of the many, many girl fights.]
Crow: Beverly Garland's bra! I have seen the Promised Land!
Crow: Beverly Garland's bra! I have seen the Promised Land!
[During one of the many, many inept action scenes.]
Crow: OK, my theory is that the director shot the entire movie without looking at it.
Crow: OK, my theory is that the director shot the entire movie without looking at it.
[During one of the many, many scenes where the fearsome Eye Creatures stumbles around.]
Crow: [singing] I've got Sammy Davis eyes! [a la Rip Taylor] I've got a million of them! Literally!
Crow: [singing] I've got Sammy Davis eyes! [a la Rip Taylor] I've got a million of them! Literally!
[During the auction, as the auctioneer rambles off bids]
Servo: Ah. He's drunk! Look at him.
. . .
[The shadowrama makes it look as if Mike, Servo, and Crow are sitting in the back row of the auction.]
Servo: [to Mike] Put your hand up. Buy a chicken.
Mike: [raises his hand] I want one...
Servo: Ah. He's drunk! Look at him.
. . .
[The shadowrama makes it look as if Mike, Servo, and Crow are sitting in the back row of the auction.]
Servo: [to Mike] Put your hand up. Buy a chicken.
Mike: [raises his hand] I want one...
[During the barn fight, Duke knocks Riley over into the hay.]
Mike [as Riley]: Ooh! Found the needle!
Mike [as Riley]: Ooh! Found the needle!
[During the beginning credits, two men are fighting.]
Frank: You lost the last of the wild horses, you dink!
. . .
[The credits identify Albert Glasser as the film's score composer.]
Forrester: Ah, Albert Glasser, the man who straps you down and pummels you with music!
Frank: You lost the last of the wild horses, you dink!
. . .
[The credits identify Albert Glasser as the film's score composer.]
Forrester: Ah, Albert Glasser, the man who straps you down and pummels you with music!