Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Drs. Vance and Langer climb a hill, only to discover the giant spider, its spindly, furry legs akimbo.]
Servo [as Spider]: Please -- consider my legs when cleaning your pipe!
Servo [as Spider]: Please -- consider my legs when cleaning your pipe!
[Drug dealer Sticks, with his boss Farrell watching, beats up a kid who stole from him]
Farrell: Hey dummy, don't hurt him too bad.
Servo [as Farrell]: He's our only customer.
Farrell: Hey dummy, don't hurt him too bad.
Servo [as Farrell]: He's our only customer.
[Due to an ion storm, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank have switched places with Mike and the Bots. They enter the theater.]
TV's Frank: Aren't you gonna carry me into the theater?
Dr. Forrester: Frank, you're getting too big for that!
TV's Frank: Aw, it's my favorite part!
TV's Frank: Aren't you gonna carry me into the theater?
Dr. Forrester: Frank, you're getting too big for that!
TV's Frank: Aw, it's my favorite part!
[Duke and Riley tumble out of the loft and hit the floor of the barn.]
Servo: I fought the loft and the loft won.
Servo: I fought the loft and the loft won.
[During a campy scene, the "Angels" discuss an attack on an illicit drug facility.]
Michelle: We voted before, we'll vote now. Thumbs up, we attack. Down, we get outta here.
[Terry sticks her thumb up.]
Mike [as Terry]: Hey, look! It evolved last night! It's opposable now!
[Everyone sticks their thumbs out, up.]
Servo [as Maria]: Hah-hah! It's anonymous!
Michelle: We voted before, we'll vote now. Thumbs up, we attack. Down, we get outta here.
[Terry sticks her thumb up.]
Mike [as Terry]: Hey, look! It evolved last night! It's opposable now!
[Everyone sticks their thumbs out, up.]
Servo [as Maria]: Hah-hah! It's anonymous!
[During a chase scene.]
Servo: Beautiful, just beautiful. ... Off-camera excitement the Coleman Francis way.
Servo: Beautiful, just beautiful. ... Off-camera excitement the Coleman Francis way.
[During a dream sequence of opening boxes with people inside]
Mike [as announcer]: It's your new mom! [Crow imitates audience roaring]
Mike [as announcer]: It's your new mom! [Crow imitates audience roaring]
[During a driving scene]
Joel: Meanwhile, in Toledo...
Servo: No, wait. Did this movie just lap itself?
. . .
Crow: This must be a weekly series.
Joel: Meanwhile, in Toledo...
Servo: No, wait. Did this movie just lap itself?
. . .
Crow: This must be a weekly series.
[During a montage of Goro welding and assembling his robot]
Crow [as a Narrator]: Industry: creating a better world. Our most valuable resource? People! He's a maniac! A maniac! And he's dancing like he's never danced before! He's a steel town boy on a Saturday...
. . .
[As the camera pans up to reveal the finished robot, Jet Jaguar]
Joel: They've just created Jennifer Beals.
Crow [as a Narrator]: Industry: creating a better world. Our most valuable resource? People! He's a maniac! A maniac! And he's dancing like he's never danced before! He's a steel town boy on a Saturday...
. . .
[As the camera pans up to reveal the finished robot, Jet Jaguar]
Joel: They've just created Jennifer Beals.
[During a press conference, Diabolik and Eva have released laughing gas into the room. Everyone breaks into laughter.]
Servo: Dan Quayle announces his candidacy.
Servo: Dan Quayle announces his candidacy.
[During a rather adult scene]
Mike: Man, kids are tuning in to watch "Barney"...
Mike: Man, kids are tuning in to watch "Barney"...
[During a scene set amongst ardent University of Arkansas football fans.]
Mike: A razorback hat lacks the quiet dignity of a cheese wedge.
Mike: A razorback hat lacks the quiet dignity of a cheese wedge.
[During an effects sequence.]
Servo: They must've spent tens of dollars on this.
Servo: They must've spent tens of dollars on this.
[During an establishing shot of a farm, a cow moos.]
Crow: Oh, bless you.
[Cuts to Grandpa Kanamura.]
Crow: [startled] Was he mooing?
Crow: Oh, bless you.
[Cuts to Grandpa Kanamura.]
Crow: [startled] Was he mooing?