Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Derek, driving a car, recalls his captain's earlier contempt for humanity.]
Spacecraft Captain: We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapons!
Crow: Ahh, turn Rush Limbaugh off!
Spacecraft Captain: We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapons!
Crow: Ahh, turn Rush Limbaugh off!
[Despite flying over a castle amidst a mountain range, Ator brings his glider in for a landing in an open field.]
Joel: Oh, he's landing in the outback now.
[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]
Crow: Uh-- huh?
Joel: How'd he do that?
Servo [as Ator]: How'd I do that?
[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]
Joel: Well, I s'pose he's got a tank in the courtyard, now.
Crow: Yeah, and it's made out of coconuts.
Joel: Oh, he's landing in the outback now.
[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]
Crow: Uh-- huh?
Joel: How'd he do that?
Servo [as Ator]: How'd I do that?
[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]
Joel: Well, I s'pose he's got a tank in the courtyard, now.
Crow: Yeah, and it's made out of coconuts.
[Diabolik drives off down a highway as 60s spy-themed music plays in the background.]
Crow: [singing along with the music] Gonna go to the store! Da na na na na na! Gonna pick up some bread! Da na na na na na! Maybe stop by the post office! Da na na na na na! Take Dolores to lunch! Da na na na na na! Hope they're serving that ham, oh yeah...
Crow: [singing along with the music] Gonna go to the store! Da na na na na na! Gonna pick up some bread! Da na na na na na! Maybe stop by the post office! Da na na na na na! Take Dolores to lunch! Da na na na na na! Hope they're serving that ham, oh yeah...
[Diabolik, out of ammunition, pulls out a mysterious silver metal cylinder the size and shape of a very large bullet.]
Servo [as Diabolik]: My steel, reusable Fleet.
Mike [as Diabolik]: Maybe I can run real fast and push it into him.
Servo [as Diabolik]: My steel, reusable Fleet.
Mike [as Diabolik]: Maybe I can run real fast and push it into him.
[Director David Winters favors us with another scene set in a possibly-abandoned boiler room]
Servo: Ha ha, good, good, back to the rusting septic system of this FUTURISTIC SPACE SHIP!
Servo: Ha ha, good, good, back to the rusting septic system of this FUTURISTIC SPACE SHIP!
[Disinfesters jump out of a van.]
Servo [as Disinfester]: Hi! Kill us!
[They get shot.]
Servo [as Disinfester]: Thank you!
Servo [as Disinfester]: Hi! Kill us!
[They get shot.]
Servo [as Disinfester]: Thank you!
[Doc and party get ready to leave the backwater country store.]
Servo: Ya'll like to contribute to our fund for the War against Northern Aggression?
Servo: Ya'll like to contribute to our fund for the War against Northern Aggression?
[Doc enters a backwater country store which has no obvious merchandise, other than a turquoise, plastic pith helmet.]
Crow [as Lockhart]: Do ya'll have any turquoise, plastic pith helmets?
Crow [as Lockhart]: Do ya'll have any turquoise, plastic pith helmets?
[Doc finishes narrating as his group begins walking up some stairs to Crenshaw's place.]
Mike [as Doc]: I put Tim in the front of the line to absorb the first hail of bullets.
Mike [as Doc]: I put Tim in the front of the line to absorb the first hail of bullets.
[Doc is in the woods, as Leslie watches for the creature on the radar back at base camp.]
Leslie: [over the walkie-talkie] He's close to you!
Doc: My left or my right?
Servo: Well, which way are you facing, idiot?
Leslie: [over the walkie-talkie] He's close to you!
Doc: My left or my right?
Servo: Well, which way are you facing, idiot?
[Doc is looking at his "radar" set up in the woods as his two assistants test it out.]
Crow [as Doc]: Boy, Tim's a real strong blip on my gaydar.
. . .
Doc: [over CB] Tim?
Crow [as Tim]: Yes, Dad...I mean professor-who-is-in-no-way-my-dad-giving-me-a-role-in-his-movie?
Crow [as Doc]: Boy, Tim's a real strong blip on my gaydar.
. . .
Doc: [over CB] Tim?
Crow [as Tim]: Yes, Dad...I mean professor-who-is-in-no-way-my-dad-giving-me-a-role-in-his-movie?
[Doctor Whitman is evacuating the children's ward.]
Dr. Whitman: You all know "Follow the Leader"?
Crow: This is called "Follow the Burning Doctor".
Dr. Whitman: You all know "Follow the Leader"?
Crow: This is called "Follow the Burning Doctor".
[Dr. Almada voices-over scenes of the doomed romance between Aztec maiden Xochi and warrior Popoca.]
Dr. Almada: So they decided to run away, even though it was her sacred duty to preserve her maidenhood and be sacrificed to the god Tezcatlipoca.
Joel [as Dr. Almada]: The god of decaffeinated coffee.
Dr. Almada: They were discovered by the tribal priests.
[A priest receives a steaming bowl, turning to the restrained Popoca to force-feed him.]
Servo [as Dr. Almada]: They prepared hearty soups and broths and forced them on their guests, for they truly knew how to handle a hungry man.
Dr. Almada: So they decided to run away, even though it was her sacred duty to preserve her maidenhood and be sacrificed to the god Tezcatlipoca.
Joel [as Dr. Almada]: The god of decaffeinated coffee.
Dr. Almada: They were discovered by the tribal priests.
[A priest receives a steaming bowl, turning to the restrained Popoca to force-feed him.]
Servo [as Dr. Almada]: They prepared hearty soups and broths and forced them on their guests, for they truly knew how to handle a hungry man.
[Dr. Brent tries to find out why Dr. Logan didn't tell him he had the monster in one of his radiation labs for the last eight weeks]
Dr. Brent: Why didn't you tell us then?
Dr. Logan: I don't know. I was trying to help.
Servo: [whining] I was just trying to help.
Dr. Brent: Help? You've jeopardized this whole project!
Dr. Logan: What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent?! I don't have a precision mind like yours!
Crow [as Dr. Logan]: I'm only a scientist!
Dr. Brent: Why didn't you tell us then?
Dr. Logan: I don't know. I was trying to help.
Servo: [whining] I was just trying to help.
Dr. Brent: Help? You've jeopardized this whole project!
Dr. Logan: What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent?! I don't have a precision mind like yours!
Crow [as Dr. Logan]: I'm only a scientist!
[Dr. Cameron has successfully turned his gardener into a werewolf and back again.]
Servo [as Dr. Cameron]: That felt good... Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck.
Servo [as Dr. Cameron]: That felt good... Now I'm going to turn my daughter into a woodchuck.