[Dr. Erickson chats with Andrea, who noticeably fills out her tight-fitting top.]
Erickson: Maybe we could talk about it over a cup of coffee.
Andrea: I'd like that.
Servo [as Erickson]: Would you like a C cup or a D cup of coffee?

[Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank explain the benefits of their invention: the public domain karaoke machine]
Dr. Forrester: For example, say you're at a karaoke bar. Now, what happens when someone gets on stage and wants to sing... oh, "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner?
TV's Frank: People vomit?

[Dr. Gavin, daughter Elaine, and others are examining a severed monster arm when they hear a noise]
Elaine: [whispering] I hear something.
Servo [as Elaine]: [whispering] He's coming! Look Polish, everyone!

[Dr. Hill narrowly avoids colliding with a car outside a laboratory]
Dr. Hill: You better watch where you're going!
Dr. Mitchell: Pretty you may be!
[A security guard approaches the woman's car and murmurs something]
Crow [as Guard]: Uh, he said "Pretty you may be!", ma'am. I'm not sure what he meant!
. . .
[Dr. Hill drives away]
Servo: Uh... driving she may be!
[Dr. Hill is parking her car]
Crow: Ah parking! What a great way to establish character and create tension!
[The car's engine makes odd noises]
Mike: An exhaust system she may need!

[Dr. Leopold lumbers into town after having turned himself into a half-man, half-catfish monster.]
Servo: [excited] Oh! Oh! Oh! You know who they need to take care of him? Huh? Do you know? Huh? Do you know? Catfish Hunter, that's who! Ha ha ha!
Mike: [unimpressed] Hmm... that doesn't really work for me. See, the guy changed his name.
Crow: Yeah, to Catfish Chapstick, so the joke doesn't work.
Servo: [deflated] Oh... but it was a good joke! Wordplay like that doesn't come around so often.
Mike: But it only works if you get the correct, current name.
Servo: [disappointed] So the joke doesn't work? Sheesh...
. . .
Mike: Tom, are... are you sulking?
Servo: [angrily] No!
Mike: Yes you are, look--look, I'm sorry. It was a good joke...
Crow: No! No it wasn't, Mike, 'cause his name is Catfish Chapstick...
Mike: Ssshh! He's suffered enough.

[Dr. Logan just gets through talking on the phone and he looks distraught]
Joel [as Dr. Logan]: That's it. I'm dead. I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man walking, and talking and wearing clothes, that's how dead I am. I'm dead.

[Dr. Lorenz prepares to inject his wife with a hypodermic needle.]
Crow [as Dr. Lorenz]: Now you might feel a little sting...
[Mrs. Lorenz shrieks loudly.]
Crow [as Dr. Lorenz]: OK, a big sting.

[Dr. Meacham and Joe have just upacked the parts to the Interocitor.]
Tom Servo: But before unpacking - D'OH!

[Dr. Miller, trying to escape, carefully packs all his things into his plaid bag.]
Joel: Oh, yeah. Don't forget your little satchel.
Crow: That purse will be the death of him!

[Dr. Nelson is in his office with the African-American Dr. Loring, and is on the phone with General Perry.]
General Perry: How's it looking?
Ted Nelson: Not too good.
Servo [as Nelson]: [whispering] There's a black guy in my office!
. . .
[Dr. Nelson asks General Perry when he expects to arrive.]
General Perry: About 1600 hours... and I hope to hell you've found him by then.
Mike: 1600 hours? So, like five months from now?

[Dr. Ted Nelson tells his coworker Dr. Loring about his wife's pregnancy.]
Loring: How many weeks is she?
Ted Nelson: Fourteen.
Servo [as Loring]: A little young to be pregnant, isn't she?
. . .
[The entire building is empty except for Nelson and Loring]
Servo [as Loring]: So when do you think the people who work here are coming back?

[Dr. Tibana examines a sample under a microscope]
Tibana: So, then--the Rogi-Pani Complex.
Mike: The "Roji-Panty Complex"?

[Dr. Ulof is preparing to make a guinea pig transparent. The guinea pig is secured to a table.]
Servo: If he straps on a rubber glove I'm leaving.
. . .
Crow [as Dr. Ulof]: Have a look a Coco's medical record... Let's see, whooping cough in third grade, mother ate by cat, father flushed down toilet. Everything normal.
. . .
[Ulof is doing sciency stuff with a machine consisting primarily of two metallic globes set together on a long pole.]
Crow: Kind of an abstract sculpture of Jayne Mansfield.
. . .
[Ulof inserts a Dremel-like device between the two globes.]
Mike: I don't know what he's doing but it looks naughty!
. . .
Mike: All this just to get a UHF station?

[Dr. Vornoff and his octopus monster go up in a nuclear blast. The good guys look on in horror and dismay.]
Capt. Robbins: [solemnly] He tampered in God's domain.
Crow: Oh great, the nutty birdman from Apartment 4B is gonna give us a religious insight.

[Dr. Zorka shows the chauffeur the "source of his power," which looks like a patterned cube]
Crow [as Bela Lugosi]: It's called a Rubiks Cube. Don't screw it up!