[As the short ends]
Mike [as announcer]: The following scene contains graphic sexual content.
Servo: Wait a minute... what the hell was that about, anyway?
Night of the Blood Beast (movie)

[As the short ends]
Narrator: Too soon, the rides are over.
Crow [as Narrator]: The lawsuts begin.
Narrator: And too soon, all the fun comes to an end.
. . .
Crow [as one of the Olsons]: You spent your nickel, we're done.
Code Name: Diamond Head (movie)

[As the show opens, the Bots are doing walkathons.]
Mike: Uh, what about you, Servo?
Servo: Well, I'm walking for "Helping Children Through Research And Development".
Mike: Oh, HeCTRAD! Yeah, I think I've heard of that group. It's a good group.
Servo: No, actually "HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT" is the acronym, Mike. It stands for "Hi, Everyone. Let's Pitch In 'N' Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then. Hateful Rich Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d'oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod".

[As the SST stabilizes, Kingman herds the passengers toward the rear of the plane.]
Carla Stanley: Please, do something! We'll all be killed!
Crow: I guess she's in charge of panicking.
Servo [as Kingman]: Okay, all the actors form a line! "Love Boat" on the left, "Fantasy Island" on the right!

[As the three remaining astronauts run from the rock-throwing Stone-Age Martians��]
Servo [as Astronaut]: Well...that could have gone better.
Joel [as Tooter Turtle]: Hellllp, Mr. Wizaaaaard!
Crow [as Other Astronaut]: Nonsense!
Servo [as King Arthur]: Run away! Run away!
Joel [as Tooter Turtle]: I don't wanna be an astronaut anymore!
[Fade into the next scene, where the rocket blasts off.]
Servo [as Shaggy]: Oooh! Scooby! We gotta get outta here, Scooby!
Crow [as Mr. Wizard]: Dreezle drazzle drozzle drome!
Servo [as Mr. Wizard]: Time for zis vun to come home!

[As the title appears]
Crow: The John Bradshaw story!

[As the title appears]
Mike: Hey, the Matthew Broderick story.
Crow: And believe me, Death does not pony up for gas.

[As the truck drives as the scene fades.]
Mike: That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!
[the next scene fades in]
Crow: Chickens!

[As title of movie appears on screen]
Crow: Gary Burghoff goes undercover!
Mike: That would explain his career for the last 10 years.

[As Tom's mother drives away, Tomoko surprises her by hiding in the back seat]
Joel [as Tomoko/hijacker]: Shut up and keep driving!

[As trapeze artists fly through the air]
Joel: I know, you're not going to complete 5th grade gym without doing this, right?
. . .
Joel [as trapeze artist]: Pass the word, Ed's been hitting the bottle today!
Servo: Oh, like that's been a big improvement over what we've been doing...
Crow [as trapeze artist]: Party in Susan's dressing room!

[As Trash blows up a van]
Mike [as DJ]: Alright, we're here in the KROQ Supervan giving out a-- [The van explodes. Crow screams.]
Servo [as Trash]: Hey, rats. That was my van!

[As we begin to see what happens at the chicken farm]
Mike [as Narrator]: If you're nice, we'll hook you up to the milking machine!
Narrator: Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up, so let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
Mike [as Narrator]: [muffled] I'm in the incubator now...

[As we watch traditional Puerto Rican folk dancing...]
Crow: Valerie Harper look-a-like contests are held.
Mike: Yes, no matter what the culture, folk dancing is stupid.
Servo: Here, Up With People get down.

[As wizard Baydool drags Travis ("Tee") away from the slave market crowd and into his shack, he tries to get him to talk.]
Baydool: ¿Como te llamas?
Servo [as Tee]: Yeah, yo quiero Taco Bell, whatever.
. . .
Baydool: Comment vous-appelez vous?
Crow [as Tee]: Je m'appelle�� Bite Me!