Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[As the movie's closing credits scroll, Servo riffs on Peter Graves's brother James Arness.]
Servo [as Peter Graves]: "James Arness: Ugly and Stupid". Tonight on Biography.
Servo [as Peter Graves]: "James Arness: Ugly and Stupid". Tonight on Biography.
[As the Narrator talks about cooling eggs and moisture.]
Mike [as Narrator]: So put your mouth under a chicken.
. . .
Crow [as Narrator]: Lick your eggs, or have a friend lick them.
Mike [as Narrator]: So put your mouth under a chicken.
. . .
Crow [as Narrator]: Lick your eggs, or have a friend lick them.
[As the narrator talks about Puerto Rico's most famous export, rum, we see workers at a bottling plant.]
Servo [as worker, drunkenly]: I love this job!
Narrator: Almost all of the rum sold in the U.S. is produced here, and its export is vital to the economy.
Crow [as Narrator]: So, drink rum constantly.
Servo [as worker, drunkenly]: I love this job!
Narrator: Almost all of the rum sold in the U.S. is produced here, and its export is vital to the economy.
Crow [as Narrator]: So, drink rum constantly.
[As the Neptune Men demolish Tokyo]
Servo [as the Japanese]: Oh, let's call our friends the Koreans! Oh, oh no--the Russians! Well, no. The Chinese! Oh, well, I guess not.
Servo [as the Japanese]: Oh, let's call our friends the Koreans! Oh, oh no--the Russians! Well, no. The Chinese! Oh, well, I guess not.
[As the Olsens go to have lunch...]
Mike [as Mr. Olsen]: Let's go eat something gray.
Mike [as Mr. Olsen]: Let's go eat something gray.
[As the opening the opening card appears]
Servo: [Laughs] Horror!
Crow: Yeah, the only horror at Party Beach is Cindy's cheese dip!
Servo: [Laughs] Horror!
Crow: Yeah, the only horror at Party Beach is Cindy's cheese dip!
[As the professor dances, Batwoman secretly frees a prisoned girl.]
Crow: Well, we've discovered Batwoman's secret power: She can open unlocked doors!
Servo: So this is "The Wild Wild World of Batwoman", eh?
[A puff of smoke goes off in the lab as someone wakes up.]
Mike: Whahappa?
Servo [as TV announcer]: Yes, it's the best hits of the 50s and 60s on 8-track and cassettes!
[The background music continues to go on as two people continue to dance.]
Mike, Crow, Servo: [in a dull voice] Tequila.
Crow: Those two were once cute, tiny, lovable babies.
Crow: Well, we've discovered Batwoman's secret power: She can open unlocked doors!
Servo: So this is "The Wild Wild World of Batwoman", eh?
[A puff of smoke goes off in the lab as someone wakes up.]
Mike: Whahappa?
Servo [as TV announcer]: Yes, it's the best hits of the 50s and 60s on 8-track and cassettes!
[The background music continues to go on as two people continue to dance.]
Mike, Crow, Servo: [in a dull voice] Tequila.
Crow: Those two were once cute, tiny, lovable babies.
[As the reverend stands on his porch looking solemn, a train slowly rolls through the frame.]
Crow [as director]: Hey, we're tryin' to film here!
The Amazing Transparent Man (movie)
Crow [as director]: Hey, we're tryin' to film here!
The Amazing Transparent Man (movie)
[As the Runaway fights the Cyborg, the camera cuts to Ann fidgeting nervously]
Crow [as Ann]: I'm fretting. See, audience? I'm fretting.
Crow [as Ann]: I'm fretting. See, audience? I'm fretting.
[As the short ends, a truck seems to move by itself.]
Crow: There's no driver! The chickens are taking over!
The Brute Man (movie)
Crow: There's no driver! The chickens are taking over!
The Brute Man (movie)
[As the short ends, it's just after the girls graduated.]
Narrator: Jean and Louise were leaving for their jobs in the city, so you all drove down to the train station to see them all.
Servo: And to re-enact the last scene from Anna Karenina.
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent (movie)
Narrator: Jean and Louise were leaving for their jobs in the city, so you all drove down to the train station to see them all.
Servo: And to re-enact the last scene from Anna Karenina.
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent (movie)
[As the short ends, the Dancing Woman and the Mystery Man ride off together. The road they're on appears to be a dead end.]
Mike: Look out! The bridge to the future's out!
[They all gasp and make explosions as the end card appears.]
12 to the Moon (movie)
Mike: Look out! The bridge to the future's out!
[They all gasp and make explosions as the end card appears.]
12 to the Moon (movie)
[As the short ends]
Crow: This is the film the boys had to watch and the girls had to go to the gym and watch the other film!
The Skydivers (movie)
Crow: This is the film the boys had to watch and the girls had to go to the gym and watch the other film!
The Skydivers (movie)
[As the short ends]
Crow: You know, this makes me want to heat up a Libbyland frozen dinner and eat in front of the TV!
Servo [as Announcer]: Now enjoy some refreshments in the lobby!
Mike: [waves goodbye] Bye-bye, everyone.
Crow: A Simmel-Mervay release.
Invasion USA (movie)
Crow: You know, this makes me want to heat up a Libbyland frozen dinner and eat in front of the TV!
Servo [as Announcer]: Now enjoy some refreshments in the lobby!
Mike: [waves goodbye] Bye-bye, everyone.
Crow: A Simmel-Mervay release.
Invasion USA (movie)