Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[As woman walks away from car]
Crow: Forty percent of car accidents are caused by... women's hinders!
Crow: Forty percent of car accidents are caused by... women's hinders!
[As yet another unappealing rural Wisconsinite is harrassed by a giant spider.]
Mike: I'm starting to wish that the South would rise again and crush the North.
Mike: I'm starting to wish that the South would rise again and crush the North.
[Assistant Kurt is whining about his withered and deformed arm to bodiless Jan.]
Crow [as Jan]: Look. You know they say there's always someone worse off? I'm that person!
Crow [as Jan]: Look. You know they say there's always someone worse off? I'm that person!
[Astronaut Brinkman accidentally kicks a rock into a pool of magma, which throws it back. A rockslide showers Brinkman and Sumiko.]
Crow [as Brinkman]: Uhh... note to myself: don't throw rocks at magma.
Crow [as Brinkman]: Uhh... note to myself: don't throw rocks at magma.
[At a bus stop, Natalie (played by screenwriter Vivian Schilling) freaks about her mother at home with the Soultaker.]
Natalie: My mom! He's done something to my mom!
Zach: No, no--your mom is fine! She's at the hospital.
Natalie: What?
Mike [as Zach/Actor]: Hey, look--you wrote this crap!
Natalie: My mom! He's done something to my mom!
Zach: No, no--your mom is fine! She's at the hospital.
Natalie: What?
Mike [as Zach/Actor]: Hey, look--you wrote this crap!
[At a club, Jimmy sings Paul Anka's hit "Lonely Boy".]
Jimmy: I'm just a lonely boy��
Mike: Why does that not surprise me?
Jimmy: I'm just a lonely boy��
Mike: Why does that not surprise me?
[At a drive-in restaurant, Fred (Mel Tormé) chows down on a huge burger over a tray with two drinks.]
Mike: The Velvet Hog! [N]
Mike: The Velvet Hog! [N]
[At a party, writer Paul chats with archaeologist Natalie.]
Paul: I'm actually working on something now.
Natalie: Really? What's the subject matter?
Crow [as Paul]: You're right. The subject doesn't matter at all!
Mike: Heh, good one!
Paul: I'm actually working on something now.
Natalie: Really? What's the subject matter?
Crow [as Paul]: You're right. The subject doesn't matter at all!
Mike: Heh, good one!
[At a pool party, Chuck is serving hot dogs to a good-looking girl in a bikini.]
Chuck: Whoa, mama. Wouldn't Chuck like to give you his red hot frank.
Girl: From what I hear, Chucky, it ain't so hot.
Crow [as Chuck]: She undercut the subtle nuance of my wiener joke!
. . .
[Chuck pushes the girl into the pool.]
Mike [as Chuck]: There! I think I've taught you not to rebuff my wiener innuendo!
Chuck: Whoa, mama. Wouldn't Chuck like to give you his red hot frank.
Girl: From what I hear, Chucky, it ain't so hot.
Crow [as Chuck]: She undercut the subtle nuance of my wiener joke!
. . .
[Chuck pushes the girl into the pool.]
Mike [as Chuck]: There! I think I've taught you not to rebuff my wiener innuendo!
[At a pool party, Eegah once again carries off Roxy.]
Joel: Man, she gets picked up so much, she should have a handle!
Joel: Man, she gets picked up so much, she should have a handle!
[At Alice Wentworth's wedding, the bride and her maids hear a knock at the door.]
Servo [as Landshark]: Landshark.
. . .
[Another knock interrupts Alice's talk with her mother.]
Joel [as Landshark]: Candygram.
. . .
[The two women hear another knock at the door.]
Servo [as Landshark]: Pizza delivery.
Servo [as Landshark]: Landshark.
. . .
[Another knock interrupts Alice's talk with her mother.]
Joel [as Landshark]: Candygram.
. . .
[The two women hear another knock at the door.]
Servo [as Landshark]: Pizza delivery.
[At home, the gang watches The Crawling Eye, the first film in MST3K's cable run.]
Servo: "The Crawling Eye". The Marty Feldman Story.
Mike: Oh, Forrest Tucker. He's the guy who makes sure all the trees' shirttails are in.
Crow: This movie seems kind of familiar, doesn't it?
Servo: Hmmm.
Specials
Servo: "The Crawling Eye". The Marty Feldman Story.
Mike: Oh, Forrest Tucker. He's the guy who makes sure all the trees' shirttails are in.
Crow: This movie seems kind of familiar, doesn't it?
Servo: Hmmm.
Specials
[At night, Kenny mopes about his lost stones that he was collecting for "Gamera's new house".]
Joel [as Catherine]: When you get up in the morning, Kenny, we'll get you a whole box of gravel.
Joel [as Catherine]: When you get up in the morning, Kenny, we'll get you a whole box of gravel.
[At Nirvana Village, workers pass by Fingal with "doppling" people on a tray.]
Servo: Oh, look. Must be a Jack-In-The-Box in the food court.
Servo: Oh, look. Must be a Jack-In-The-Box in the food court.