Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[The title screen displays "Junior Rodeo Daredevils".]
Narrator: Junior Rodeo Daredevils.
Joel [as Narrator]: Smothered in gravy--Texas style!
Narrator: Junior Rodeo Daredevils.
Joel [as Narrator]: Smothered in gravy--Texas style!
[The title screen displays "The Killer Shrews".]
Crow [as Announcer]: Starring Joan Collins and Jackie Collins!
Crow [as Announcer]: Starring Joan Collins and Jackie Collins!
[The title screen displays the title backwards...]
Crow: Eht Numah Srotacilpud!
[...then "duplicates" it normally.]
Crow: ...Oh.
Crow: Eht Numah Srotacilpud!
[...then "duplicates" it normally.]
Crow: ...Oh.
[The title screen shows "Here Comes the Circus!" next to a smiling clown's head.]
Crow: Heeere comes the Devil!
Servo: It's Beezlebub the Clown!
Joel: Guys, can we be a little less dark with this short?
Crow: Heeere comes the Devil!
Servo: It's Beezlebub the Clown!
Joel: Guys, can we be a little less dark with this short?
[The title SQUIRM appears on the screen.]
Mike: Well, I don't know why, but okay.
[Mike, Crow, and Servo all squirm around in their seats.]
Mike: Well, I don't know why, but okay.
[Mike, Crow, and Servo all squirm around in their seats.]
[The title San Francisco International appears on-screen.]
Mike: [singing] San Francisco International Airport! Where the big b-actors roar!
Mike: [singing] San Francisco International Airport! Where the big b-actors roar!
[The titles appear.]
Crow: I need to know what not to do on a date! Hahaha!
[A person's name with 'Ph.D.' attached to it appears.]
Servo: What, she has a Ph.D. in dating?
Joel: Oh no, this is like having your mom talk to you about sex!
Crow: I need to know what not to do on a date! Hahaha!
[A person's name with 'Ph.D.' attached to it appears.]
Servo: What, she has a Ph.D. in dating?
Joel: Oh no, this is like having your mom talk to you about sex!
[The train carrying some of the main characters arrives in Trollenberg.]
Servo [as Conductor]: Trollenberg, home of the Crawling Eye. All stops lead to a bloody death.
Servo [as Conductor]: Trollenberg, home of the Crawling Eye. All stops lead to a bloody death.
[The truck carrying baby chicks is driving very slowly.]
Narrator: Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.
Crow [as Narrator]: I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!
Narrator: Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.
Crow [as Narrator]: I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!
[The TV shows an obvious toy spaceship while a voice blares through the set.]
Spaceship: Attention, people of Earth! Attention, people of Earth! This is Krankor Exploration Force speaking!
Crow: Crank whore?
Spaceship: Do not be alarmed! Stand by for an important message! Stand by for an important message!
Servo [as TV Advert. announcer]: Veterans cannot be turned down!
. . .
Crow [as Mickey]: That's a toy I wouldn't mind having! I like it very much!
Spaceship: Attention, people of Earth! Attention, people of Earth! This is Krankor Exploration Force speaking!
Crow: Crank whore?
Spaceship: Do not be alarmed! Stand by for an important message! Stand by for an important message!
Servo [as TV Advert. announcer]: Veterans cannot be turned down!
. . .
Crow [as Mickey]: That's a toy I wouldn't mind having! I like it very much!
[The villagers continue to celebrate in front of their cabins.]
Joel: What is this, "Stalag 17: The Musical?"
Joel: What is this, "Stalag 17: The Musical?"
[The villain has shot himself, but his pet cat is still alive.]
Joel: So that cat is going to have to take the rap for this whole thing?
Joel: So that cat is going to have to take the rap for this whole thing?
[The warrior women have decided to hold a fight to the death]
Narrator: A dagger is placed into the ground--
Servo: A voice-over is placed into the script.
Narrator: A dagger is placed into the ground--
Servo: A voice-over is placed into the script.
[The Warriors from Hell burst through the door of Khorsa's cabin.]
Crow: [singing] We're the knights of the round table!
Crow: [singing] We're the knights of the round table!