Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Sinbad's ships approach an island whose residents wear giant horned helmets and cloaks.]
Crow: They look like the Knights Who Say "Ni!"
Crow: They look like the Knights Who Say "Ni!"
[Singing to the opening credits theme]
Servo: The Girl in Lover's Lane...
Crow: With Jack Elam, not Jack LaLanne!
Servo: The Girl in Lover's Lane...
Crow: With Jack Elam, not Jack LaLanne!
[Sixty-foot-tall Glenn heads for Boulder Dam.]
Servo: Hey, look! He'll be the biggest guy by a dam site!
Servo: Hey, look! He'll be the biggest guy by a dam site!
[Slender British rock band The Birds (not the more famous Byrds) perform a song.]
Crow: [singing] Eight�� miles�� wrong!
. . .
Servo: Guys, just skip the music and go right to the heroin.
Crow: [singing] Eight�� miles�� wrong!
. . .
Servo: Guys, just skip the music and go right to the heroin.
[some jokes about Brad's car]
Crow: Ugh, that car must reek of Arby's!
. . .
Mike: I'll bet whoever had that car after him never got the smell of Marlboro Lights and Hardee's out of the upholstery!
Crow: Ugh, that car must reek of Arby's!
. . .
Mike: I'll bet whoever had that car after him never got the smell of Marlboro Lights and Hardee's out of the upholstery!
[Sometime after a fight with Meg, Tom lifts up her 8-year-old sister Sandy for a face-to-face talk.]
Tom: Meg's mad at me.
Sandy: She'll get over it. 'Sides, if she doesn't, you'll be free to marry me!
Tom: O-kay! From now on, you're the other woman in my life.
Joel: Put her down, Jerry Lee!
Tom: Meg's mad at me.
Sandy: She'll get over it. 'Sides, if she doesn't, you'll be free to marry me!
Tom: O-kay! From now on, you're the other woman in my life.
Joel: Put her down, Jerry Lee!
[Space-helmeted, ape-like alien Ro-Man makes his first viewscreen contact with the last human survivors.]
Ro-Man: Humans! Listen to me! Due to an error in calculation, there are still a few of you left.
Joel [as Ro-Man]: We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused you.
Ro-Man: Humans! Listen to me! Due to an error in calculation, there are still a few of you left.
Joel [as Ro-Man]: We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused you.
[Spectators watch as the Gill-Man is brought into the Ocean Harbor aquarium.]
Crow [as a New Yorker]: Does he got a thing?
Crow [as a New Yorker]: Does he got a thing?
[Standing before a crude map, "Lieutenant" Joe addresses his extremely tiny Cuba invasion force.]
Joe: Men, we're shoving off right after sundown...
Crow, Servo [as Men]: You shove off!
Joe: ��and I want to give you some idea of what to expect.
Mike [as Joe]: There's 80,000 of them, and seven of us.
Joe: At 12 o'clock midnight, we hit the beach. At 12:30 a patrol boat makes its nightly run. We have 30 minutes to scale 80 foot cliffs and clear the beach.
Servo [as Joe]: Ted, you take Havana.
Joe: Men, we're shoving off right after sundown...
Crow, Servo [as Men]: You shove off!
Joe: ��and I want to give you some idea of what to expect.
Mike [as Joe]: There's 80,000 of them, and seven of us.
Joe: At 12 o'clock midnight, we hit the beach. At 12:30 a patrol boat makes its nightly run. We have 30 minutes to scale 80 foot cliffs and clear the beach.
Servo [as Joe]: Ted, you take Havana.
[Star quarterback Tom Selleck narrowly escapes death in a sabotaged hot tub.]
Crow: Magnum, deep fried.
Crow: Magnum, deep fried.
[Steiner turns on the projecting machine, making numerous high-pitched sci-fi noises]
Man: What's he doing?
Crow: Oh, he's just doing his patented incredibly-annoying sound effect routine!
Man: What's he doing?
Crow: Oh, he's just doing his patented incredibly-annoying sound effect routine!
[Steve enters in from the lab.]
Steve: They're gone.
Crow [as Steve]: My brownies are gone!
Steve: They're gone.
Crow [as Steve]: My brownies are gone!
[Steve, Julie, and Dr. Wyman are examining Johnny's body. Donna enters.]
Crow [as Donna]: Um, have you guys seen my brush?
Donna: Steve.
Mike [as Julie]: Yes?
Tom Servo [as Dr. Wyman]: Yes?
Crow [as Steve]: Yes?
Crow [as Donna]: Um, have you guys seen my brush?
Donna: Steve.
Mike [as Julie]: Yes?
Tom Servo [as Dr. Wyman]: Yes?
Crow [as Steve]: Yes?
[Still shot of two gorillas]
Crow: Oh look, it's Shelly Winters and Ernest Borgnine.
Crow: Oh look, it's Shelly Winters and Ernest Borgnine.
[Stress patient Natalie enters Dr. Conway's office for an appointment.]
Sharon: Sit down, Natalie, and I'll tell him you're here.
[Dr. Gilchrist turns to enter Dr. Conway's inner office.]
Crow [as Sharon]: NUTCASE NATALIE'S HERE!
Sharon: Sit down, Natalie, and I'll tell him you're here.
[Dr. Gilchrist turns to enter Dr. Conway's inner office.]
Crow [as Sharon]: NUTCASE NATALIE'S HERE!