[Waitress and bride-to-be Helen looks dreamily at her distorted reflection in a toaster.]
MAMike [as Reflection]
[gravelly voice] Come over to this side!
CACrow [as Reflection]
[eerily] Obey the toaster!
S6The Amazing Transparent Man
[on Joe's fiance Helen] She was the kind of girl who'd be happy just being "Mrs. Joe".
So his name is Joe Joe?
[Helen's daydream progresses to her marriage.]
She was a clever dreamer, so she arranged for little Joe to be there to keep her from getting lonesome when Daddy was away.
CCrow
Speaking of accidents...
[noticing a theme] So the main causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age?
[during funeral sequence] Then there was Lenny, who wouldn't be going to college that fall...
CCrow
[curtly] ...because he's DUMB!
[Old man George Price closes his house curtains during funeral sequence.]
TATom [as George]
Boring!
CACrow [as George]
[as he shuts the curtains] There, my problem went away.
[on the frailty of time] A minor accident may take a few days away, a major one a few years...
A disastarous one would be cool to watch!
[As the reverend stands on his porch looking solemn, a train slowly rolls through the frame.]
CACrow [as director]
Hey, we're tryin' to film here!
The Amazing Transparent Man (movie)
CCrow
Hayley Mills in The Amazing Trans-PARENT Trap!
SServo
[singing along to the music]
He's amazing and amusing,
he's delicious and nutritious,
two for breakfast, one for...
KKrenner
Would you prepare one of your subjects for the ray treatment, Doctor. We must impress Mr. Faust with the end result of your highly-acclaimed scientific labors.
MAMike [as Dr. Ulof]
You want me to make him a sandwich, in other words.
[Dr. Ulof is preparing to make a guinea pig transparent. The guinea pig is secured to a table.]
If he straps on a rubber glove I'm leaving.
. . .
CACrow [as Dr. Ulof]
Have a look a Coco's medical record... Let's see, whooping cough in third grade, mother ate by cat, father flushed down toilet. Everything normal.
. . .
[Ulof is doing sciency stuff with a machine consisting primarily of two metallic globes set together on a long pole.]
CCrow
Kind of an abstract sculpture of Jayne Mansfield.
. . .
[Ulof inserts a Dremel-like device between the two globes.]
I don't know what he's doing but it looks naughty!
. . .
All this just to get a UHF station?
[The guinea pig begins to disappear.]
CCrow
Oh, he's with the William Morris Agency.
KKrenner
Keep your eye on the guinea pig.
[singing] Keep your eyeeeee on the guinea pig!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.