Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[Several jumpsuit-clad stormtroopers run out of building about to be demolished.]
Crow [as Trooper]: [terrified] Gary saw a silverfish! Aaaahh!
Crow [as Trooper]: [terrified] Gary saw a silverfish! Aaaahh!
[Several spinning newspaper headlines are shown after the male rape scene. Everybody starts making up headlines]
Crow: Refuses to Press Charges!
Servo: Says: "ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou!"
Mike: Hundreds of Men Flock to Crime Scene!
Crow: Refuses to Press Charges!
Servo: Says: "ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou!"
Mike: Hundreds of Men Flock to Crime Scene!
[Several squads of locals have volunteered to help the police and Coast Guard track down and burn the Devil Fish, while Peter acts as bait. They pour pink-tinted gasoline in the water.]
Crow [as Sheriff Gordon]: Deploy the Countrytime Pink Lemonade!
Servo: I bet they hired every nature-hating psycho in Dade County.
Crow [as Sheriff Gordon]: Deploy the Countrytime Pink Lemonade!
Servo: I bet they hired every nature-hating psycho in Dade County.
[Sheriff Ben and Deputy Martin examine a spacecraft.]
Sheriff Ben: It could be one of our missiles.
Servo [as Martin]: This county has missiles, sir?
Sheriff Ben: It could be one of our missiles.
Servo [as Martin]: This county has missiles, sir?
[Shirtless Tim walks up to someone's front door.]
Crow [as Tim]: Can I borrow a cup of shirt?
Crow [as Tim]: Can I borrow a cup of shirt?
[Shortly after finding a laser cannon in the desert, Billy begins hopping around oddly and pretending to blow stuff up.]
Billy: Pow! Pa-pow!
Servo: After all that, it's "pa-pa-pow".
Mike: Once you're past the age of 11, you should not say "pow".
Crow: Won't he be surprised to learn that it doesn't go "pow" but "fffwissshh"!
[Billy continues to prance about the desert with the laser cannon on his arm, moving rather daintily.]
Servo: He's performing Frampton Comes Alive!
Mike: ...So, it's a thing that makes you waltz.
Billy: Pow! Pa-pow!
Servo: After all that, it's "pa-pa-pow".
Mike: Once you're past the age of 11, you should not say "pow".
Crow: Won't he be surprised to learn that it doesn't go "pow" but "fffwissshh"!
[Billy continues to prance about the desert with the laser cannon on his arm, moving rather daintily.]
Servo: He's performing Frampton Comes Alive!
Mike: ...So, it's a thing that makes you waltz.
[Shortly before the conclusion, Joel and the Bots discuss the movie.]
Joel: Isn't it kind of weird? It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's-- he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay�� I mean, I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does.
Servo: Yeah, but I think there's a fine line between surrealism and costume-shop closeouts.
Joel: Isn't it kind of weird? It's like, there's a guy in a gorilla suit, and there's-- he's got a robot head, and inside he's got kind of a bunch of clay�� I mean, I've seen Dali paintings that make more sense than this movie does.
Servo: Yeah, but I think there's a fine line between surrealism and costume-shop closeouts.
[Shot of a bomb timer, counting down extremely quickly]
Crow: Introducing new, faster seconds!
Crow: Introducing new, faster seconds!
[Shot of a horse trainer and a horse]
Joel [as Narrator]: Hank Kimball's brought in.
Crow [as Hank Kimball]: Hey, Mr. Douglas, I see you've got a horse. Well, it's not really a horse, it's more of a...
Joel [as Narrator]: Hank Kimball's brought in.
Crow [as Hank Kimball]: Hey, Mr. Douglas, I see you've got a horse. Well, it's not really a horse, it's more of a...
[Shot of a poor-looking werewolf running through the woods.]
Servo: No, wait! It's a gorilla!
[Close up of poor-looking werewolf mask.]
Servo: ...With a dog mask on!
Servo: No, wait! It's a gorilla!
[Close up of poor-looking werewolf mask.]
Servo: ...With a dog mask on!
[Shot of a radar screen, as the scientists count down]
Scientist: Ten, nine, eight...
Crow: Yeah, yeah, right--one.
Scientist: Seven, six...
Crow: One!
Scientist: Five, four...
Crow: ONE!!!
Scientist: Ten, nine, eight...
Crow: Yeah, yeah, right--one.
Scientist: Seven, six...
Crow: One!
Scientist: Five, four...
Crow: ONE!!!
[Shot of barren moonscape]
Servo:We seem to be in some sort of Limbo zone.
Crow: Rush Limbaugh?
Joel: No, that would be more like Hell.
Servo:We seem to be in some sort of Limbo zone.
Crow: Rush Limbaugh?
Joel: No, that would be more like Hell.
[Shot of cooked chicken being sliced very thinly]
Servo: [dripping with sarcasm] Oh, thanks for the generous portion!
. . .
Crow: Yes, chicken sliced to the width of one electron.
Servo: These must be models' portions.
Mike [as server]: This one's for you, Miss Moss, and for you, Miss Turlington...
. . .
Crow: [in Ritzy accent] Yes, it's chicken. Glorious American chicken sliced the American way!
Servo: [dripping with sarcasm] Oh, thanks for the generous portion!
. . .
Crow: Yes, chicken sliced to the width of one electron.
Servo: These must be models' portions.
Mike [as server]: This one's for you, Miss Moss, and for you, Miss Turlington...
. . .
Crow: [in Ritzy accent] Yes, it's chicken. Glorious American chicken sliced the American way!
[Shot of front of Digital building, with a flying saucer-like in the foreground.]
Crow: Why, even aliens from Mars are here!
Crow: Why, even aliens from Mars are here!