Mick and Josef in “No Such Thing as Vampires”

Mick

[narrating] My buddy, Josef. One of the oldest vampires in L.A. 400, going on thirty. Living, well, un-living proof that paranoia never goes out of style.

Josef

Ahh, you look good. Been working out? [nodding to himself] yeah, you look good. Uhh, have you seen the news? This terrible thing in West Hollywood? It's everywhere, "Vampire Slaying Rocks L.A."

Mick

Yeah, I know, it doesn't look good for us.

Josef

It's a threat to our secrecy, what is this the 1720s? We're discreet, we don't leave bodies lying around! We have to be extra-vigilent, we live in the age of fingerprint scans, DNA tests, genome mapping.

Mick

Josef! Relax.

Josef

I am relaxed. This is relaxed [tugging at his tie] You're only ninety, you've never been chased by a torch-bearing mob, hungry!