Josef Kostan quotes from Moonlight

Josef

Look, humans don't properly know how to deal with their bad guys. What else is new? You want to take matters into your own hands. Come on [Josef smiles] I got a few hours to kill.

Josef

[talking about the rogue vampire] Well, the blood lust can be pretty heavy when you're first turned. And you could really lose it. I know I did. Damn, those were good times!

Josef

You can't change the past, and you can't let it stop you from going forward.

Mick

[narrating] My buddy, Josef. One of the oldest vampires in L.A. 400, going on thirty. Living, well, un-living proof that paranoia never goes out of style.

Josef

Ahh, you look good. Been working out? [nodding to himself] yeah, you look good. Uhh, have you seen the news? This terrible thing in West Hollywood? It's everywhere, "Vampire Slaying Rocks L.A."

Mick

Yeah, I know, it doesn't look good for us.

Josef

It's a threat to our secrecy, what is this the 1720s? We're discreet, we don't leave bodies lying around! We have to be extra-vigilent, we live in the age of fingerprint scans, DNA tests, genome mapping.

Mick

Josef! Relax.

Josef

I am relaxed. This is relaxed [tugging at his tie] You're only ninety, you've never been chased by a torch-bearing mob, hungry!

Josef

[A young woman approaches Josef] She's delicious. '82 was a good year.

Mick

Oh, we went to the Super Bowl in '82, right? Lost a million bucks on Cincinnati that year, right?

Josef

Except for that, yeah.

Josef

It's about time you got back.

Mick

Make yourself at home.

Josef

Already did. Poured myself a drink. [waves a glass of blood] You seriously drink this stuff? What is it, like non-fat soy Vegan blood?

Mick

If you don't like it... [reaches to take glass]

Josef

[holding glass closer] I didn't say that.

Mick

Are you sure?

Josef

Get out of here. I assume you don't have any freshies around. Nah, of course not.

Mick

Am I supposed to know why you're here, Josef?

Josef

[clicks on tv]

It is possible that there is some truth behind the vampire myth. Perhaps there are some individuals with genetic dispositions that could consume and digest, blood.

Josef

Vampire experts. Beautiful - now we have the food mouthing off about the farmer. The whole city is talking. Wanna know what they're talking about? Us.

Mick

So it's a slow newsday.

Josef

No, that's not it. It's this reporter from Buzzwire, Beth somebody. She started the whole thing.

Mick

Beth Turner.

Josef

Oh, you know her?

Mick

We did some breaking and entering together.

Josef

Then you, my friend, must get her to stop.

Mick

Like what, she's driving along, and suddenly, her car explodes?

Josef

I was thinking you ask her nicely, but, fielder's choice.

Mick

Killer's not a vampire.

Josef

There were bite-marks.

Mick

[angry] Two stab-wounds.

Josef

And the blood?

Mick

Well, you hit an artery, you're bound to get some of that.

Josef

So you're telling me some poser wanna-be drinking blood out of a Snoop Dog chalice is behind this?

Mick

Yeah, something like that.

Josef

Why haven't you killed him?

Mick

There's more than one suspect.

Josef

So kill them all. That's what I would do. Hey, look I know you have morals and scruples and that's fine, sort of. But you are not the man I on occasion pretend to respect if you don't get this under control. Hey, you have a soft spot for the mortals. A charming fascination with all of the things they do while listening to the tick-tick-tick of their own looming demise. That's fine that's good, everyone needs a hobby.

Josef

Vampire solidarity. Rah rah rah.

Mick

And, don't forget, I'm the only friend you got that doesn't like you for your money.

Josef

That's true, sad, but true.

Josef

You absolutely gotta waste this guy.

Mick

It's not that simple.

Josef

Yeah it is..And what if decides to go all Van Helsing and come after you?

Josef

[As a blonde and a red head approach Josef and Mick in a club] Red or white?

Mick

I will take the red. [Mick bites the red head as Josef stands to do the same to the blonde as he's tapped on the shoulder]

Josef

I've told you, not while I'm eating!

Josef

The incinerator?! Damn. Remind me to never piss you off.

Mick

I didn't have a choice.

Josef

Well, like I'm judging you. I would have done the same thing. Except, I would have enjoyed it more.

Josef

So, what's her name...

Mick

You know her name.

Josef

Yeah, so how's that going after.. happy hour?

Mick

Fine.

Josef

Well, knowing you, that means you're avoiding her. You're a romantic in the abstract, my friend, but the reality of fang on flesh...

Mick

Look, you said you could help me find the missing girl.

Josef

Did I?

Mick

Yes, you did.

Mick

Josef, Ryder, meet Beth Turner.

Josef

Beth Turner, Buzzwire. Such a beautiful woman on the internet.

Beth

Thank you... I guess. So, are you going to tell me what I'm doing here?

Mick said you had a great voice.

Mick

Ryder, here, has a got a list of all of the incoming calls from the dead escort's website in the last 24 hours of her life. One of them is probably the killer.

Beth

So you want me to call the numbers?

Josef

Eh. Quick study.

Beth

What should I say? I've never spoken to a serial killer before.

Josef

Well, be polite. Please, thank you.

Mick

Just do....

Whatever escorts do... [holding out an earpiece]

Beth

Did you know my editor was investigating your involvement in a bogus charity scheme?

Josef

Nice to see you, Beth, me I'm doin' great, thanks. Except for the drywall dust. It gets everywhere.

Mick

Beth's editor was killed a few hours ago.

Josef

I'm sorry. So. Am I a suspect? [they nod] Cool! It's like roleplaying, but without the leather.

Mick

Your name came up in connection with a story Maureen was working on.

Josef

Was her body found in the La Brea Tar Pits?

Mick

No.

Josef

That was the only person I killed this week.

Mick

Josef, this is serious.

Josef

No, this is stupid. Look I'm on the board of dozens of charities. I had no idea that this one was bogus until Maureen told me.

Mick

Ok, we'll talk to your PR man.

Josef

Remember the Tar Pits?

Josef

[Appears behind Mick and startles him] What are you doing?

Mick

Don't do that!

Josef

What? Use my crafty vampire abilities to sneak up on you?

Mick

Why are you here?

Josef

Guillermo called me. Said you were about to do something extremely stupid. I said, "Wait, that can't be the Mick that I know.”

Mick

You should come, you love a challenge.

Josef

No, see, I'm a lover, not a fighter. No, besides, I'd just get dead trying to protect you; the human liability.

Mick

I can take care of myself.

Josef

[snarls, attacks, pinning Mick against the wall] Is this how you're gonna fight them? This is how you want it to end!?!

Mick

Get off me! Get off me! [Josef suddenly focuses on Mick's throat, leaning closer, before tearing himself away]

Josef

Well, I hope I've made my point.

Mick

Yeah, you did.

Josef

What?

Mick

You were right. I can't save Beth as a human. But I can save her as a vampire. You have to turn me back.

Josef

Whoa, uh-uh. You hold on. This is not-

Mick

You have to turn me back, right now.

Josef

Mick, you’re human again. After all you went through to get the cure, you're gonna give it up this easy?

Mick

You think this is easy for me? This is not easy, okay? I don't have a choice.

Josef

What you're asking me to do-

Mick

Listen to me, all right? He has Beth. He has my Beth. So please. Please, brother.

Josef

Mick, forgive me. [Mick nods and offers his neck. Josef bites him, drains him, and lays him gently on the table. Then takes off his own jacket, bites his own wrist, then holds it in the air, above Mick’s mouth and squeezes out drops of blood that land on Mick’s lips. Mick then starts to lick the blood off his lips.] Come on, Mick. Rise and shine. [Mick’s head raises to Josef’s wrist, which he takes hold of and drinks. Mick then rests his head back on the table and releases Josef’s wrist, then all his wounds start to heal, he sits up slowly, and roars]

Mick

[smiling] Don't worry, dad. I'll be careful.

Josef

Don't call me that.

Mick

Well, you did turn me.

Josef

Returned you. Returned. You were gonna become a vampire again anyway. I'm not your sire.

Mick

You're kinda my step-sire.