Nobody's shaking hands, everybody's saluting! Maybe I should enlist.
No, Mr. Monk, please don't enlist! Don't even joke about it!
Why not?
Because I love America!
“Mr. Monk Is Underwater” · Season 7
In this episode: Adrian Monk (5), Natalie Teeger (4)
[Climbing into the submarine for the first time] I'm pretty sure he killed himself.
How do you know?
I've been on board for fifteen seconds and I'm suicidal.
[Monk and Natalie are trapped in the ballast tank while Commander Whitaker attempts to drown them with a series of continuous dives]
Oh, God! Ocean in my shoes! I've got ocean in my shoes. The Pacific Ocean! Dr. Bell!
Mr. Monk, it's not going to do us any good if we both panic!
You're right, let's take it in turns. I'll go first... Oh, God! Natalie!
What?!
I've got ocean... in my pants! [The camera pans down to show that the water has gotten to just above Monk's ankles]
Mr. Monk, I've been on these boats. These boats are so big, they don't even feel like boats. They're like islands. You've been on islands before, right? You like islands. It's like Hawaii. Think of it like that: We're going to Hawaii.
I believe you are the Devil.
[Monk confronts Whitaker and accuses him of killing Jason Pierce to protect his reputation]
CWCommander Whitaker
Lieutenant Commander Pierce's death was a suicide. I'll tell you how I know: because I said it was! When I'm on land, I am a decorated officer of the United States Navy. When I'm on here, I am the lord, THY GOD! I am Jehovah. [Getting practically in Monk's face] Do you understand me? No one questions me! Now I've asked around, I know all about your problems, your fears, your claustrophobia. You are having a breakdown, sir. It happens on submarine all the time, to men far better than you. You are delusional.
I have my share of problems, I admit it. But when I'm on this case, I'm not delusional. [To an imaginary Dr. Bell] Tell him. [Whitaker eyes Monk like what he said about Monk having a breakdown has just been proven true] Does that sound delusional to you?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.