“Dude Ranch” quotes from Modern Family

Alex

Okay, Lily, I'm going to push you one more time. Now, don't kick me, okay? Lily! I said don't kick me! Okay?

Jimmy

You know it's your own fault that's happening. Why don't you trying standing behind her?

Alex

You are an idiot.

Jimmy

Oh, really. I ain't the gettin' kicked.

Alex

Why are you following me?

Jimmy

why are you fightin' me here, gorgeous? This works.

Alex

I really, really don't appreciate you calling me 'gorgeous'. I just wanna enjoy time with my family, so if you don't mind...

Jimmy

Not a problem. See you around, sunshine.

Hee hee. You kissed the boy.

Alex

No, the boy kissed me. Okay, Lily? Boy kissed me.

Alex

We need to talk.

Jimmy

What?

Alex

You stole my first kiss.

Jimmy

What are you talking about?

Alex

I had it all planned out. It was supposed to be special: someone with a high GPA and a bright future. Not a Mario brother.

Jimmy

Fine. You know what, I don't even want your kiss. Here you can have it back.

Jimmy

There. Now we're even.

Alex

Keep it. I don't, I don't want it anymore.

Alex

What am I doing?

Alex

I looked it up. The distance between our houses is 2,443 miles.

Jimmy

Yeah, but on some maps, that's like, pfft, this big.

Alex

God, you're stupid.