Has it happened before?
No.
No?
Once. It's happened once before. I was shagging a doctor. Well... well, by doctor, I mean the receptionist at the vet's. And so I bend her over the table in the treatment room and I've got fucking Peter staring at me with his sad, dead eyes. So...
Who's Peter? Was that the vet?
No, he was my bunny, Peter the rabbit. I was having him put down.
Oh.
And, honest to God, I abso... Fucking hell, I loved that rabbit. He had these massive big floppy ears. They felt like... honestly, it was like furry velvet on your skin.
So, you have him put down and then you slip it up the receptionist?
No, no, no, no, I couldn't slip it up the receptionist, because I was filled with this sort of... I don't know, like a bloody... overwhelming sense of love for Peter the rabbit. My dick was... honestly, as soft, floppy and as velvety as his frigging ears. It was a nightmare.
Mm.
Honestly. That's what it... that's what it is. Fuck me. That's what... that's what it is. It's because I love you.
You love me?
Yeah. I love you like I loved Peter Rabbit. And that's why my cock won't frigging work. I have a really sarcastic penis.
Do you mean you have an ironic penis? Is that what you mean?
What you on about?
The bend in it?
That's from when Saunders slammed it into a door.
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