Do you wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
What's black and white and red all over? [Pause] Nun in a blender. [They laugh]
Erm, all right. All right, what's black and white, black and white, and then red?
Nun killing a penguin.
Hey! Respect, mate! You know your nun jokes!
All right, what black and white and smells musty? A nun's cunt! Ahh. Shit.
What?
Aw, it doesn't matter. It's nothing. I'm... It's... nothing's... nothing's musty.
Why would it be musty?
Urn... Probably... underuse... or just a lack of air circulation... resulting in... general mustiness.Forgive me, Father, I have... Love, I have sinned.
I'm not a priest, I can't hear your confession.
No, you... you don't understand. I... I've-I've... I've done terrible, horrible, vile things. I have had sexual relations with women up the... what do your nuns called the arse?
The a... up the anus! Rudy.
I have had a... a diet of crisps and sugary snacks.
I think you can get a pass for the crisps.
No, you don't understand. I have... I have inserted sugary snacks into women.
Don't.
I have misused confectionery in the most vile and vulgar manner. I have violated myself with a fucking king-size... [Nadine grabs him in passionate kissing] Mars bar. I don't care. I don't care what you've done in your past. You've got a good heart. I promised myself to God. I was prepared to dedicate my life to him. I see things. Violence and cruelty and suffering. Sometimes I question his existence. Then I met you. I've never felt like this.
Doubted my faith even more.
I'm not... I'm not asking you to give up your faith or anything. I'll share you with God. He'll probably want you Sundays, won't he?
He does like his Sundays.
Right, well, then he can have you Sundays, I'll have you rest of week. How's that sound? How's that sitting with you, big fella?
I think he's cool with it.
That's settled, then. Forgive me, I'm gonna have to nip to the... What do... nuns call the toilet?
They call it the toilet.
Brilliant.
You can talk how you normally talk.
Well... in that case, I'm gonna go for an enormous fucking shit.
Let's stick to "toilet".
All right, no, fair enough. I reckon I'm getting the hang of this now, you know.
Oh!
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