“From Confucius Carlos” quotes from Mind of Mencia

Confucius Carlos as a vegetarian I believe that all of god's creatures are sacred, what can we do to stop people from eating poor defenseless animals?

(sounding like mix of Elmer Fudd, Bruce Lee and Asian wiseman) Ahh yes, meat! Meat has protein, protein makes testosterone, testosterone makes guys want to bang you! So do you really want guys to stop eating meat? Unless you are 'softball player', I suggest you go home and make your man a big fat steak for dinner so he'll have some of your pie for dessert. Confucius Carlos Has spoken.

Woman is only vegetarian, because she has never tasted any of my meat. Do you have question for Confucius Carlos?

Nope, I'm on my way up to the top of Mount Everest.

Well I have question for you, why do white guys do crazy shit like climb a mountain? You will go to the top of the mountain, you will go to the moon, you will go to the North Pole to meet a polar bear, but you will not go to Compton for a barbeque for fear of the "Black People"? Confucius Carlos Has spoken.

He who has time to climb world's tallest mountain must also be world's biggest virgin!

I've traveled over 5000 miles to you this very important question. Who should I pick for my Fantasy Football team?

The only fantasy here is the one where you are not a big fat loser. What you don't know is that while you are on your on the internet playing fantasy football, your girlfriend was living out her fantasy getting boned by a real football player, and let's put it this way: he is not white. Why don't you use the internet for what it was created for, looking at asian pornography? Confucius Carlos has spoken.

About fantasy sports, here is a fact. It's the only sport that whites can play better than blacks.

Confucius Carlos, all these big corporations are raping and murdering the earth, is there any way to stop them?

You reefer-smoking retards all claim to hate big business, but the first thing you do when you get so stoned you don't even know what day of the year it is, is rent movies from Blockbuster, order pizza from Domino's, drink Budweiser and play the Playstation from SONY. If you really want to help the earth, you must kill yourselves 'Doobie Hauser M.Dee-Dee-Dee'. Confucius Carlos has spoken.

Confucius Carlos has excellent point, but I'll give you five bucks for a puff of that joint.

Silence, I must meditate, ohmmmm, ohmmmmmmm, ohmmMMY GOD, LOOK AT THOSE HUGE TITS!

That's exactly the reason I came here Confucius Carlos, everyone seems to be more interested in my breasts, I just want to be taken seriously.

*breaking character* Look, bitch, the only reason you got them implants was to get attention from men, so congratulations, you got a return on your investment. If you want me to look into your eyes when you speak, you better say something that's waaaay more interesting than those two Midgets on your chest.