Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!
“From Store Clerk Carlos”
Woman: Fifty lottery tickets, please.
Oh Rama, here I go again! Listen to you, sounding like Death Vader. You people need cigarettes as much as this country needs another C-average President. Plus you look like a human Pez dispenser! Here are your cigarettes, and here is some gum so you can blow bubbles for that WEIRD-ASS HOLE YOU HAVE IN YOUR NECK. And here are some batteries, for your creeping-me-out machine. Now get the park out of my store! I hope I am reincarnated as a turtleneck... I like to tank you for getting that joke!
Oh Vishnu, I am about to go against all of your teachings. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! If you had a personal trainer, you would probably eat him. I know there is a skinny person inside every fat one, but it looks like you have the whole cast of America's Next Top Model inside of there. I hope I am reincarnated as your feet, so that you'll never see me again! ...I apologize, I must apologize! I should not have insulted you, because in my religion, cows are sacred! So take my cheese and your magazine and get the park out of my store!
Mencia: And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mind of Mencia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.