Carlos quotes from Mind of Mencia

(sounding like mix of Elmer Fudd, Bruce Lee and Asian wiseman) Ahh yes, meat! Meat has protein, protein makes testosterone, testosterone makes guys want to bang you! So do you really want guys to stop eating meat? Unless you are 'softball player', I suggest you go home and make your man a big fat steak for dinner so he'll have some of your pie for dessert. Confucius Carlos Has spoken.

Well I have question for you, why do white guys do crazy shit like climb a mountain? You will go to the top of the mountain, you will go to the moon, you will go to the North Pole to meet a polar bear, but you will not go to Compton for a barbeque for fear of the "Black People"? Confucius Carlos Has spoken.

The only fantasy here is the one where you are not a big fat loser. What you don't know is that while you are on your on the internet playing fantasy football, your girlfriend was living out her fantasy getting boned by a real football player, and let's put it this way: he is not white. Why don't you use the internet for what it was created for, looking at asian pornography? Confucius Carlos has spoken.

You reefer-smoking retards all claim to hate big business, but the first thing you do when you get so stoned you don't even know what day of the year it is, is rent movies from Blockbuster, order pizza from Domino's, drink Budweiser and play the Playstation from SONY. If you really want to help the earth, you must kill yourselves 'Doobie Hauser M.Dee-Dee-Dee'. Confucius Carlos has spoken.

Silence, I must meditate, ohmmmm, ohmmmmmmm, ohmmMMY GOD, LOOK AT THOSE HUGE TITS!

*breaking character* Look, bitch, the only reason you got them implants was to get attention from men, so congratulations, you got a return on your investment. If you want me to look into your eyes when you speak, you better say something that's waaaay more interesting than those two Midgets on your chest.

*returning to character* Confucius Carlos has spoken.

*This guy is about as soft as Star Jones' husband's penis.