You know that jerk across the road who's got it in for me?
Which one? 'Parking Jerk' or 'Lawnmower Jerk'?
No! 'Christmas Jerk', Bill Randall! Every year that guy waits to see what Christmas decorations I put out and then finds a way to top it. I string lights, he strings better lights. I put out Frosty, he puts out an elf village. I put out Dracula, he does nothing and I look like a jackass! I mean, what kind of sick mind uses a religious holiday as a weapon?!
Wait, which one's 'Call the Cops Jerk'?
That's like four of them!
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