Matt Mahoney quotes from Madam Secretary

Elizabeth

Okay, I want a name. Who took the last donut?

Nadine

[after no one responds] It was me, ma'am.

Elizabeth

Noble gesture, Nadine, but I didn't spend the last 20 years in the CIA profiling dissemblers and liars for nothing. Got anything to say, Matt?

Matt

Is that a new jacket?

Matt

I want to slay dragons, Ma'am, not play whack-a-mole with evil.

Elizabeth

Sometimes making evil have to duck and find another hole is the best we're going to do.

Matt

Isn't Nogoyev the Russian lapdog who outlawed free press on the first day?

Daisy

And made his mother's birthday a national holiday.

Matt

Well, that would totally work on my mom.

Matt

How are you doing with the whole…

Daisy

Guy I was dating getting poisoned by some nefarious agent still at large? Not great, but thanks for asking.

Matt

So the whole arms smuggling thing -- was that Vesuvian or just Brennan?

Jay

He was the only one on the take. Apparently he was massively in debt, thanks to our skill in solving conflict with diplomacy instead of shooting wars.

Matt

Go us.

Nadine

On the other hand, if we don't engage --

Jay

We've potentially let a respected journalist, not to mention an American citizen, die in a foreign prison for a crime he didn't commit.

Matt

Which is a bad look for us.

Elizabeth

Matt, welcome back.

Matt

Thank you so much. It's great to be here with consequential work and fresh pastries.

Elizabeth

(To Blake) There's fresh pastries?

Blake

No.

Elizabeth

Oh, hey, wait. Has anyone heard from Daisy? What's the news?

Matt

Oh, she's great. She's binge-watching Real Housewives, about ready to pop.

Blake

Oh, tell her to skip Potomac, it's the worst one. I... I heard.

Elizabeth

What's this?

Matt

Just a little something to celebrate the successful launch of the Permafrost Protection Project. I thought popsicles were appropriate than champagne.

Jay

Could've gotten champagne popsicles.

Matt

Does that exist?

Jay

If it doesn't, it should.

Matt

Isn't she that crazy consultant lady who threw a chair and had some hysterical breakdown?

Elizabeth

You know, it's funny, isn't it? When...when a man reaches a certain breaking point and throws something, he's passionate, but when a woman reaches the same breaking point, she's hysterical and can't stand the pressure.

Matt

I don't want to say that parts of it are timeless, but that would not be totally inaccurate.

Daisy

Except the demographics have changed. We have a twenty percent uptick in attendance in women under thirty, who seem to think equal pay for equal work is a fine idea.

Blake

Ooh, this is the thing where he talks to "ordinary" Russians. I love this.

Jay

Taking canned questions and creating your own personality cult. It has a certain perverse charm.

Matt

I love how weird it is. It's like The View meets Joseph Stalin.

Kat

What's going on here?

Matt

You just got here, so you don't feel our pain.

Kat

Yeah, but I can empathize like nobody's business. Hit me.

Matt

Let's face it. A baby carriage ain't exactly a man magnet.

Daisy

[laughing] I hate you so much.

Matt

But you know what is? [imitates puppy whimpers]

Daisy

You're just playing on my fear of dying alone to make me get a that dog you actually want.

Matt

That doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Matt

You're single. You're lonely. What you need is a loyal, uncomplicated companion.

Daisy

I know you're not talking about you.

Matt

Again, ouch.