Maze always turns up eventually. She's like a bad penny... in tight leather pants.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
RBRoberta Beliard
She has so much cocaine up her nose, it would snow if you shook her.
Yes, I've tried that.
I apologize for my human form, but…at least this one has supreme hindquarters.
You're lying.
No. They're quite sturdy, feel it.
I wasn't referring, nor will I ever refer, to your butt, Mother.
What happened to your wings, son?
I cut them off.
Why would you… I mean 'come to Earth', 'get a haircut', or something, but that's a little extreme.
You tell me not to ravage suspects in front of you. Now I can't do it behind your back either? I mean, make your mind up, detective?
You want me to babysit?
Well, "my mum in the body of a disturbingly hot woman"-sit, but yes, for now.
Mazikeen, what is this strange gooey substance that this boy is cooing about?
You watching porn?
I mean, how far can a celestial being trapped in a feeble human body for the first time get?
Well, let's see. She's stupid hot, wearing my clothes, and she's got a corporate credit card.
…bollocks.
[A murder victim has been found burned to death, with the fire started at his genitals.]
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.
Lucifer.
I mean, I've heard of hot pants, but this really brings new meaning to the term "fire crotch," doesn't it?
Lucifer.
Wait. I have more. "Smokey Bobinson". "Weekend at Burnie's".
His burning bush?
Oh, very good! That was actually me, by the way, so don't tell anyone.
[to Lucifer] Do not touch the charred crotch!... is a sentence I never thought I'd say out loud.
[about humans] They eat, darling. All they do is eat. And then afterwards, the food comes out changed, and not for the better.
[about a video platform's content moderators] So you think seeing someone they recognized in one of these twisted videos finally made them snap?
Maybe it awakened something in them. Something that was always there just fighting to get out.
[scoffs] But... they were just trying to do a job. A job no one else wanted.
Well, maybe they chose that for a reason.
Nobody chooses to be a sin-eater, Detective! [calmer] No one wants to be custodian of the world's filth. Why would they? Absorbing the worst humanity has to offer, day in and day out,... It changes you.
So you think it's the job's fault that they started to punish?
People don't arrive broken. They start with passion and yearning, until something comes along that disabuses them of those notions.
"Judgment Day"? People should really be careful how they use that phrase. It isn't actually due for another couple of years.
And how's that human husband?
I discovered a trick with him. Whenever he asks a question, I have sex with him. Seems to render him mute.
Hmm. Took me a while to figure that one out.
How'd you get in here?
Let's just say Samantha at the front desk is no longer into men.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucifer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.