Lucifer quotes

I know I've made mistakes, Chlo. Lots of them. But, honey, I've never underestimated you.

Chloe

Then how come any time I've ever shown any interest in your job, you either change the subject or you push me away?

Because you're way smarter than me. You're more headstrong than your mother. And it scared me. I mean, what if you wanted to become a cop?

Chloe

What if I did?

Oh, Monkey. I've been shot at, beat up, chased by a naked guy with a harpoon once. And none of those things scare me as much as thinking of you in those situations. It was never about whether you could handle it. It was whether I could. And I'm sorry. But a parent just wants what's best for their child.

Choice is a funny thing. Give someone different options, different circumstances, will they themselves end up different? Sure, they might end up with a different job, find inspiration from different people. But will they still be the same person at their core? Some might continue down a darker path, never knowing there was a different way. The potential buried deep down, but still there. Some make immoral choices instead of moral ones. But they will still have the same conscience. The question is, will they ever make the choice to listen to it? And sometimes, it isn't the right moment in someone's life to make a certain choice. And no matter how badly you want to nudge them in the right direction,... you know they need to find it on their own. And some people find love in the strangest of situations, and are, somehow, happier for it.... And some, no matter how you shake things up, end up making the same choices, are drawn to the same people, the same passions. So all seems to have ended well. Does that mean I never should've manipulated things to begin with? I have a better question: Wouldn't you do the same in my shoes? After all, a parent just wants what's best for their child.

Lucifer

Detective,... Are you okay with... me?

Chloe

Well, it's not like you haven't always told me the truth. You know? So... I think, deep down, I just... I always knew.

Lucifer

But how does it make you feel? Afraid? Terrified? Do you want to yell at me? Punch me in the face? Run away again?

Chloe

I.. I think I just want to get back to work.

Lucifer

That's all?

Chloe

That's all. [walks off]

Lucifer

What the f-- [Theme music plays]

Lucifer

[staring right into Ella's eyes] I'm the Devil.

Chloe

[growing concerned] Lucifer, what are you doing?

Lucifer

Detective, it's time Miss Lopez finally knew the truth. [to Ella, still holding her eyes] I am the angel who led a rebellion against my Father, God. I was banished to Hell afterwards where I ruled as King over the souls of the damned.

Ella

[softly] Lucifer, it all makes sense now.

Ella

Dammit, I tried to keep a straight face, I really did. Man. How? How do you stay in character like that?

Lucifer

[strained amusement] Well, it's simple really. It's all true.

Look, I'm sorry, but when you're dealing with someone like Bob the Knob,--

Lucifer

Sorry. Seriously? "Bob the Knob"? [laughs] What was he in Witness Protection for? Bad porn?

Lucifer

It's not your job to punish, Marshall Reynolds. It's mine.

Jesus.

Lucifer

Not quite.

Ella

[explaining a reality show prop] This... is the Teflon Totem. Only one... is hidden on The Cabin per season. You find this bad boy and you are safe from elimination. Guess where I found it.

Lucifer

Well, if it keeps you safe from elimination, I'd say tucked right up in the--

Ella

Melinda's pocket! Isn't that crazy?

Secrets are part of the game. But they're part of life, too. At the end of the day, aren't we all putting on a facade?

Lucifer

I know I am. [whispers to Chloe] Pretending like these people don't stink like a pack of wildebeests. Do they actually bathe on this show?

I can hear you.

Lucifer

Can you? But can you smell me?

Chloe

So... you don't bite the heads off of children?

Lucifer

No, of course not. I detest the little creatures. And I'd certainly never put one in my mouth.

Chloe

[pressing the ax blade gently on Lucifer's bare chest] If I pushed this into your chest,... It would kill you.

Lucifer

Yes.

Chloe

Because I'm close to you.

Lucifer

Yes.

Chloe

But you jumped in front of it anyway.

Lucifer

Yes. And I would do it again. And again. Don't you know that, Detective?

You see, I'm not a normal priest.

Lucifer

[laughs] Was there ever such a thing?

I mean I'm not a normal priest in the sense that I don't have my own congregation. I am a... I'm an investigator. For the Vatican. [offers a business card]

Lucifer

Vatican investigator? Sounds like a soon-to-be-cancelled TV show.

Lucifer

Brother. You look like I feel.

Amenadiel

No, I'm pretty sure that my issues are much bigger than yours. Trust me.

Lucifer

I think we all know nothing is bigger than mine. The strangest thing just happened--

Amenadiel

Linda's pregnant.

Lucifer

We'll call it a tie.

Lucifer

What do you do when someone has betrayed you? Normally, I'd go straight to punishment. Fire, brimstone. Public humiliation via YouTube.

Lucifer

[to Father Kinley] A ceremony to banish the Devil to Hell? That is priceless. [laughs] No, seriously, you all need to take End of Days out of the Vatican Movie Night rotation. Definitely not one of Arnold's best.