Boss, there's a viscous yellow liquid in his ear....
No, that's the drip from my fried egg butty, love. Well done Miss Marple, that's why we need women detectives...
S2 E6A Deadly Drug
Boss, he's got a pulse. He's alive! [Gene pours tea over the victim who moans in pain]
He is alive, isn't he?
You see, that's why you need women detectives!
You said he was dead!
Well he weren't moving!
Chris doesn't move; it don't mean he's dead! Go on, Dr Kildare, get an ambulance!
Blardy, blardy, history bloody blah. It doesn't take a degree in applied bollocks to know what's going on!
Go on then, amaze me with your insubstantial guesswork!
He's come over here, started dealing, and Rocket or one of the other local drugs boys has took offence and offed him!
Wow. That was better than I expected. Copper jumps to conclusion and fits evidence to match. Birmingham Six, here we come!
Now. Yesterday's shooting. The dealers are all so scared we're more likely to get Helen Keller to talk. The Paki in a coma's about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman, and all in all this investigation's going at the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory.
[Sam Tyler, aghast, drops the radio he is holding.]
What?
Think you might have missed out the Jews
What?
I think we need to explore whether this attempted murder was a hate crime.
What as opposed to one of those I-really-really-like-you sort of murders?
Maybe the NF shot him, left the heroin there, to make him look bad.
The NF are too stupid for that. They could stick a shotgun up my arse and pull the trigger, they'd still miss!
I'd still like to explore the racially motivated line of enquiry.
And I'd like my boot to explore your jacksie, come on Tyler, where's the evidence you're so fond of?
Why have you got an ant's nest up your arse over a bit of skirt!?
Because I loved her!
You great... soft... sissy... girlie... nancy... French... bender... Man United supporting POOF!!
LDLayla Dylan
Leave him alone!
Did I ask you? Did I ask you anything other than WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS RAVI!
I think she's telling the truth.
I think she's as fake as a tranny's fanny.
I still think we need to entertain the possibility that this could be a racial killing..
Oh, well let's entertain it, let's take it out for a prawn cocktail, a steak and a bottle of Liebfraumilch, then let's kick it into the gutter where it belongs!
[Speaking to a White Supremacist after he claims himself superior]
Superior?! You're not superior to an amoeba with special needs..
[Interviewing Layla at the station]
LLayla
About 8:30, straight after I left Sam's flat, he was still alive.
Straight after you left Sam's flat?
She needed protection.
Well I hope you used some!
[Interviewing Layla at the station]
LLayla
He's really freaking me out, can we get him out of here?
I'd love nothing better, piss off Tyler!
He's got fingers in more pies than a leper on a cookery course.
She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot.
Have you got a shred of humanity left? It doesn't matter how bad you are, no-one should have their nose rubbed into their brother's death.
I had a brother. Some bastard with Speed took him. I tried to get him off it. I tried everything, but he didn't want to be helped. We had an argument and he left. No-one's seen him in 10 years. Drugs eh? What's the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren't there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke.
Y'know, people take drugs, often because something's missing.
[Taking a swig of his drink] We were brought up the same and I'm fine. I mean, dad used to get fist heavy when he was loose but me and Stu stuck by each other through that.
[Sam puts his arm on Gene's shoulder]
Yeah, OK, no need to go all Dorothy. It was a long time ago.
[The rest of the team break in to find Sam lying tied up with an iron on his chest]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Life on Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.