Eli Loker quotes from Lie to Me

Eli Loker

How's it going with Lightman?

Ria Torres

Ah, he's not my biggest fan.

Eli Loker

Well, that's just 'cause you're uneducated.

Ria Torres

Excuse me?

Eli Loker

Well, you're a natural. The few naturals Lightman's come across have one thing in common: no college degree. You haven't been asked to focus on verbal skills, so you focus on body language.

Ria Torres

You're saying I can't learn the science?

Eli Loker

I'm saying you didn't have to. It's got to be irritating for a guy who's spent two decades trying to see what you were born seeing.

Ria Torres

Thanks. That's very un-Loker of you.

Eli Loker

I've never been with a Latina woman.

Ria Torres

Don't push it.

Cal Lightman

You're going to organize this room.

Emily Lightman

By myself?

Cal Lightman

Nope, Loker's going to babysit.

Eli Loker

(walking over) Hey, Emily. Long time, no see. Hey, you look terrible. Awful. Like Gene Simmons when it's really, really humid. All right...

I don't believe he was just disoriented like he's claiming.

Eli Loker

Did he have some sort of issue with NASA?

No, but we have to consider Markoff's father. He was a rocket engineer with old Soviet space agency, defected in '72. Russians are building their own scram-jet technology.

Eli Loker

Russian spies?! Wow, what's next? Duran Duran and parachute pants? 'Cause I-I dug the 80s.

Eli Loker

Well, I think he's, um, think he's just scared

Emily Lightman

No, no, I'm thinking wasted.

Eli Loker

No, I mean, he's scared right now, about you.

Emily Lightman

Why would he be scared about me?

Eli Loker

Well you're a 15-year-old girl. Statically speaking, you're at the prime age for abusing alcohol, experimenting with drugs, contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

Emily Lightman

Wow, you really know how to take all the fun out of rebelling.

Eli Loker

Look on the bright side, you're way more likely to die in a crash with one of your friends than any of those things.

Eli Loker

Ooo, he's into you.

Ria Torres

Yeah, right.

Eli Loker

What? You didn't see the microexpression he flashed?

Ria Torres

No, what was it?

Eli Loker

Well, the full expression looks like this-- (does a sexy little dance)

Ria Torres

You are so lucky I don't have a gun.

Gillian Foster

You know, I treated a few firefighters in grad school. It's amazing what these guys deal with.

Eli Loker

You got a bit of the firemen thing, huh?

Gillian Foster

I'm just saying these guys are heros.

Eli Loker

Uh-huh. Is it the helmets? I mean, even I like the helmets.

Hazing is as much a part of this life as alarm bells.

Eli Loker

And if one of your men goes into anaphylactic shock and dies, c'est la vie.

Eli Loker

It's like they never left the frat house.

Gillian Foster

You know, it's not just frat houses. Initiation rites can be found in all major cultures.

Eli Loker

You're defending these guys?

Gillian Foster

Hazing can serve an important psychological function.

Eli Loker

Oh, that's funny. I don't remember reading any articles in the APA Journal on 'swirlies.'

Gillian Foster

Initiation for you MIT mathletes was pretty hard-core, huh?

Eli Loker

You know, you make fun, but you try waking up in a shower stall with a killer hang over and a quart of macaroni salad shoved up your--

Ria Torres

Club soda.

Eli Loker

Cranberry spritzer, please.

Ria Torres

Get your ass kick if you ordered that where I'm from.

Eli Loker

Oh, I got my ass kicked where I'm from.

Ria Torres

We should go hear her speak.

Eli Loker

Yeah, she wanted to sign my book. I think we had a connection.

Ria Torres

Oh, yeah, 'cause Ugandan woman can't resist a guy with a girly drink.

Ria Torres

She got nervous when you told her what we do here. She touched her face. That's a manipulator.

Eli Loker

Oh, now you're an expert on manipulators. (Ria huffs in disgust) Because six weeks ago, you didn't even know what that was!

Ria Torres

I'm bringing this to Foster.

Eli Loker

You do whatever the hell you want.

Ria Torres

I haven't talked to Foster yet.

Eli Loker

Well, I did.

Eli Loker

You touched your ear.

Does that mean I'm lying?

Eli Loker

Are you?

Eli Loker

And the funny thing is, she went out with me even after she found out what I do for a living. I think on some level she wanted to get caught.

Ria Torres

Or maybe she just liked you.

Eli Loker

Well, I don't really care.

Ria Torres

Hey, Loker. (Eli turns around) You just lied.

Eli Loker

Yeah.