Dr. Cal Lightman quotes from Lie to Me

Cal Lightman

I'll be fine.

Gillian Foster

Cal.

Cal Lightman

I'm in completely control of myself, which is more than I can say for you following me into the men's room.

Gillian Foster

(smiling because she made her point) The women's room, Cal. The women's room.

Cal Lightman

(talking to an empty chair) Shh, I told you, quiet now.

Who are you talking to?

Cal Lightman

That's Penelope. (talking to an empty chair) Quiet. I told you, be quiet.

You did that!

Cal Lightman

Eh?

You did that.

Cal Lightman

Penelope did that.

You're making that up.

Cal Lightman

Now, that's not fair. (pointing to the empty chair) She thinks you're cool.

There's no one there.

Cal Lightman

She told me that she thought you were super cool.

You're weird.

Gillian Foster

You're imaginary friend, Penelope?

Cal Lightman

Yeah, she's the only girl I know who tells me the truth.

Gillian Foster

(hurt) Hey!

Cal Lightman

What? Oh, sorry.

Cal Lightman

Because of our daughter. Sex was never the problem.

Cal Lightman

Well, you wanted to know why I never cheated on you. What about you?

Zoe Landau

You would have known. Besides I wanted to kill you. I've never wanted to hurt you.

Cal Lightman

So, that's it? That's it then? People change and then they move on?

Zoe Landau

Are you saying that I'm the one that changed?

Cal Lightman

You left me. You left.

Zoe Landau

Yeah, I left because of you.

Cal Lightman

Oh, it's my fault now!

Zoe Landau

No, I'm saying you should take a hard look at what happened before you start blaming me!

Cal Lightman

Hey, I saw what happened. I saw what was happening. Yeah, I could see the doubt, I see the doubt when you were standing on the bloody alter!

Zoe Landau

Everyone has doubts, Cal, everyone! At the altar, with their friends, in the maternity ward, during the very best thing that's ever happened to them But that doesn't mean that it's the only thing that they feel. You know, you saw every doubt, ever fear. By the end, that was all you could see. You couldn't let go of anything.

Cal Lightman

I was trying to be honest.

Zoe Landau

Yes, I know. I know. But I can tell you, sweetheart, that there really is such a thing as too much honesty in a marriage.

Cal Lightman

You'd rather be with someone who doesn't really know you, then?

Zoe Landau

How about someone who doesn't need to know everything about me? Who I can surprise on his birthday, who doesn't need to point out whenever I'm even remotely attracted to another man.

Cal Lightman

Someone with his head up his ass?

Zoe Landau

Someone who doesn't study my eyebrows when I'm standing in a thong.

Cal Lightman

We were happy then. Well, look at the smiles, they're real.

Emily Lightman

Well, I guess it's good Mom wasn't the only one that was delusional.

Cal Lightman

Thank you.

Emily Lightman

(referring to Zoe's engagement) She still thinks she's in love with you.

Cal Lightman

(softly) What?

Emily Lightman

I mean, I see what's going on with you two. I always do. I always have.

Cal Lightman

Who's that?

Emily Lightman

Mom, I'm home, six whole minutes before curfew! Aren't you proud of me?

Zoe Landau

That would be our daughter.

Cal Lightman

'Ooops.

Cal Lightman

You’ve got your head up your arse.

Excuse me?

Cal Lightman

(enunciating carefully) You’ve got your head up your arse.

Great. Mayor brings in a guy to investigate and he's already on your side.

Cal Lightman

No, he’s got his head up his arse, too.

Cal! Good god. Could your posture get any worse? You look like a walking question mark.

Cal Lightman

How’s tricks at the CIA?

Less amusing since you stopped coming by. I miss your special gift for pissing people off.

Eli Loker

Before you say anything, it was me. I blew up the deal. I went to the SEC, I lied to Foster about it. I still think it was the right thing to do, but no one else was involved. It was just me.

Cal Lightman

I knew that.

Eli Loker

You did?

Cal Lightman

Yeah. Yeah, I’ve known that all along.

Eli Loker

Why didn’t you say anything?

Cal Lightman

Because I decided to run a test.

Eli Loker

What kind of test? (pause) The lawsuit. That was a test. You lied to everyone in the office so you could treat me like a lab rat?

Cal Lightman

No, no I was testing Torres.

Eli Loker

Why?

Cal Lightman

I could tell she knew what you’d done, I mean, there’s no surprise there, but we have a lot of secrets here, so I wanted to see if she could keep one under pressure.

Eli Loker

Are you gonna fire her for not turning me in?

Cal Lightman

No, I would have fired her if she had. Loyalty is crucial here. But you, on the other hand. What you did is inexcusable, and involving her is selfish, disrespectful, and just plain stupid.

Eli Loker

I’ll empty my office.

Cal Lightman

Nah, you can stay. You can stay, but from now on, you’ll be paid what you’re worth, which is nothing. You’re an unpaid intern. It’s that, or you can leave.

Cal Lightman

Ooh, you look good in black and blue.

Gillian Foster

Yeah, well, we're quite a pair.

Cal Lightman

[sits down] I'm sorry, love.

Gillian Foster

He wouldn't have gone this far unless you were under his skin.

Cal Lightman

Not worth it.

Gillian Foster

You get hit, and it's okay? I get hit and suddenly, it's time to throw in the towel?

Gillian

I'm divorced, and I'm free, and I'm happy, and if you do something to screw that up...

Cal

I won't. I promise I won't. You know, push comes to shove, I can always go to Vegas, make the money back, so...

Gillian

Wait. Don't even joke about that. Cal... Promise me you'll never go back to Vegas.

Judge Simon, this is Dr. Cal Lightman.

Glad you could clear your schedule on such short notice.

Cal

Yeah, well, I couldn't, actually. This is Ria Torres. She's gonna determine whether or not you're a lying son of a bitch.