Law & Order: Special Victims Unit quotes

Benson

Casey, you've got to plead her out.

Novak

Why would I do that?

Benson

Because what happened was a mistake.

Novak

Michelle is uncontrollably driven to kidnap someone else's child.

Benson

Her little girl biologically!

Novak

But not legally. I can't let Michelle off the hook just because you feel guilty you didn't believe her.

Benson

Well, then give her a break because she's also a victim. What that fertility doctor did to those 2 women is genetic rape. And don't tell me that that doesn't bother you on some level.

Novak

Talk to the doctor, confirm what Michelle and the Bransons say and I'll consider a deal.

Novak

We found Jiao’s body buried under your whorehouse in Flushing.

Check the property rules, Mrs. Chan owns that place, sweet old lady.

Novak

Grandma didn’t slit Jiao’s throat.

How do you know?

We use to raid sweatshops every week for making phony handbags, designer jeans, even T- shirts, but since 9/11, we put all our manpower into DVDs.

Benson

Boot-leg movies pose a threat to national security?

When al-Qaeda’s selling them. Interpol raided a sleeper cell found 20,000 copies of The Lion King. Cheap to make, the profit margin’s higher then drugs and a hell of a lot less risky.

Stabler

Using Mickey Mouse to fund terrorist attacks on America. What next?

Do you wake up every morning and think, "How can I trample on the First Amendment today?"

Novak

I wake up and think, "How can I put away a rapist?"

Stabler

[reads hate-mail] "Roses are red, Violets are blue. When Jessie is dead, her corpse I will..." You get the idea. There's hundreds like this.

Novak

What did I do wrong?

What, aren't you going to even say "hi" to your boss?

Novak

Hi. What did I do wrong?

They yanked us off the air before the best part.

Fin

Something heavy fell on B.J.'s head?

Novak

Mr. Cameron, do you think that the KKK or Aryan Nations are funny?

Only in that they're the most ignorant bunch of jackasses in the country.

Benson

[about the suspect] A serial killer kleptomaniac who's afraid of the dark.

Dr. Huang

What did your mother do to you?

Humphrey

Please, with you people, it's always the mothers.

Novak

I just set a new world record getting these warrants. Not to mention risking my life interrupting Judge Terhune's poker game, again.

Munch

[to a guard] Open it. [to the ADA] Poor baby. I've been up for 40 hours.

Humphrey

Why, detective, is that your phone vibrating, or do you just find me terribly exciting?

Stabler

911 from the wife.

Benson

I talked to Novak. He gives us her location, she'll take the death penalty off the table.

Stabler

Oh, I don't know. You know how I hate letting these kids get away with that kinda thing. Okay. Bye-bye. [hangs up]

Humphrey

[suspiciously] Oh, no "I love you" this time? It rings one more time, and we're DONE!! AS IS JEANETTE!!

I had such high hopes for him.

Humphrey

[sarcastically] Well, it was nice visiting.

He was supposed to grow up to be somebody.

Humphrey

I'm sitting right here.

In a police station! Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me?!

Humphrey

I did this for you, Ida. I'm finally going to be famous, just like you always wanted. Happy now?

You were never anything but trouble!

Dr. Huang

He was a difficult child?

You can't imagine.

Humphrey

Shut up, Ida!

I couldn't take him anywhere! Not even my movies!

Humphrey

Shut up.

Soon as the lights went down, he'd throw a tantrum!

Humphrey

Stop it!

Stabler

He was afraid of the dark?

He was a crybaby!

Humphrey

STOP IT!

He'd cry like a baby till they'd ask us to leave.

Humphrey

Oh, you sure in hell figured out a way to see 'em!

Dr. Huang

How did you manage that, Ida?

Humphrey

NEVER MIND!

Stabler

I'd like to know.

What else could I do? I had to leave him at home.

Stabler

Alone?

I made sure that he couldn't get in trouble.

Humphrey

Shut up, Ida!

Stabler

That's why you took the doors off. She locked you in the closet.

Well, you know, he might have hurt himself running around the house.

Humphrey

THAT'S ENOUGH!!

And it was only for two hours. But he'd get so worked up, he'd soil himself.

Humphrey

[breaking down] Shut up! Please! Shut up! Don't you ever shut up?! DON'T YOU EVER SHUT UP?! [lunging at her, Humphrey is restrained by Stabler] I'll kill you, you bitch! You bitch!

You see how he treats his mother?!

Benson

I've never met a victim who testified against their attacker and regretted it afterwards.

Stabler

You know Tandi's face was on the TV and newspaper all weekend long. How come you didn't report seeing her?

I guess I just didn't put 2 and 2 together.

Stabler

Yeah, I could see where that would be a problem for you.