Laverne & Shirley Season 1 quotes

Bachelor #3, would you please say hello to Monique?

Hello!

Bachelor #2, what kind of vegetable would you be?

Lenny

I would be a sauerkraut. It was my only toy as a child.

Lenny

I think I move her.

Nah, she's still there.

[To Monique] Go out with me, and thou gets toast!

Bachelor #3, if you could invent a machine to make me fall in love with you, what would it be?

A lawnmower.

What's the most romantic word you can think of?

Lenny

Lint.

Lint??

Lenny

Have you never been in love?

Hang on to your enchiladas, because Andrew, you and your date are headed south of the border to the spicy city of... Acapulco!

Ahhhhh!

Lenny

We're going to France!!

Lenny

Ahhhh, sleep. Nature's way of saying... lie down.

Laverne

Oh, Shirl, this is a dream come true. An entire night with Lenny in a dark, sleazy motel room.

I have to get ready for my dates.

Shirley

Dates?

You know, a man picks you up, spends money on you? You must have seen this on television…

Lenny

Well, Laverne Kosnowski. I guess tonight’s the night we finally constipate our marriage… in the biblical sense.

If you don’t pay up in one week… [snaps cob of corn in half]

You'll break our corn??

Lenny

You’ve seen Laverne peddling around this apartment in her Frederick’s of Hollywood negligence!

If that ain’t the whole truth… then may Edna’s coffee be poisoned!

Champagne? Why that’s the devil’s vodka!