Does your pop have a secretary?
DHDavid Hecht
Yeah, he talks about her almost every night.
Oh yeah? What does he say?
DHDavid Hecht
That dumb Miss Rosenberg, I wish I had the guts to fire her.
S1 E22The Only Way Out
MGMark Gallant
You were hired to take care of an emergency in case it arose, not to create one to give yourself something to do.
RMiss Rosenberg
[to Stavros] I have the worst luck with plants, you know, even plastic ones commit suicide on me.
Eh, how'd you like to take a ride in a police car, David? Come on, I'll drop you off at school.
DHDavid Hecht
On Saturday?
You got me.
SHSimon Hecht
But somebody out there will be looking for me.
RBRoy Benson
They looked for Hitler for years, too, Mr. Hecht. They gonna find you any faster?
S2 E1The Chinatown Murders: Part 1
GMrs. Giancana
[after Kojak accused her husband of being involved in loan sharking] Excuse me Lieutenant, I hope I'm mistaken. Surely you aren't suggesting that my husband is a usurer?
Mrs. Giancana, I'd rather take up basket weaving.
GMrs. Giancana
Louis Giancana is a respected and respectable furniture manufacturer. He's also a fund raiser for over a dozen charities, a devout Church goer and a father. He's also veteran of the Korean War with a Good Conduct Medal and a 10% disability pension. And you would malign a man like that with your shabby innuendoes!
[Sarcastically] Me? A soldier with a Good Conduct Medal? Never!
S2 E3Hush Now, Don't You Die
The first police department was opened to protect women and here it is 25,000 years later and we can't even do that.
Mr. Conforti, you killing John Campbell is not going to put 'Home Sweet Home' back on the wall, you know that, don't you? And doesn't Janet have enough already to forget?
What can I tell you? I mean, nobody says the law is perfect, but it beats whatever the hell's in second place.
S2 E6Slay Ride
[while talking about the first death] Yeah, the usual not-so-hot-time-in-the-old-town-tonight. What time did he go off?
According to the medical examiner the time of the subject's death was between one and two A.M. in the morning. Constant use of alcohol is indicated by hyperemia and irritative elements in the digestive tract mucosa.
You're kidding.
Blood sugar concentration at the time of decease was 35 per cent.
35 per cent? Where's the decimal point?
Right here in front of the "3".
In front of the three? [to Crocker] Would you tell him what the difference between 35 per cent is and point thirty five, oh, forget about it.
S2 E13Cross Your Heart and Hope to Die
Well, you see, Captain, not every suspect is a villain, and, on the other hand, not every witness is a hero, as offered up by that great Greek philosopher, Larry Csonka.
Here. try one of these. [Hands Dr. Kirk a lollipop] You're a nervous wreck.
S2 E15Loser Takes All
And what the hell, might I ask, are you doing here?
C'mon, will ya Frank. You think I'd be here if the police surgeon didn't think I was all right?
You were shot, Theo.
[chuckles] My hero. C'mon, I've hurt myself worse opening a can of soup.
S2 E17Acts of Desperate Men
SCSam Corso
The cops would have got this, we'd have been down the tubes. He had names, dates, everything.
HHandleman
Forget the cops. If that crazy kid had've snatched the letter from me, you know it, we'd both be waiting for his next shot.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kojak pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.