Let me tell you a story. When we first came up with the 'Suspected Zombies' list, Vaughn's idea was to send them all letters, zombies and non-zombies alike, informing them they'd won an all-expense-paid Hawaiian cruise. And then scuttle the ship in the middle of the Pacific. Your work, distasteful as you find it, saves lives.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I am literally going through hell. Do you even care?
Okay, you've literally forgotten the meaning of the word "Literally."
It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men. Why is everyone abandoning me? Why? [Liv throws her bag down and sits on the couch] I'm sorry. I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now.
[Liv walks into the police precinct with a full dress on and pair of boots]
Good, you're here. I just had to see what you think of these bad girls. If they don't make you want to cross-dress, I don't know what will.
You ever hear of casual Friday?
You ever hear of casual elegance? What's wrong, were your bib overalls in your wash tub?
[Liv comes to the lab wearing a bright blue dress, wearing make-up, with straight hair]
I'm confused. Is this a Seattle morgue or a Milan catwalk?
You like? It's my roommate's. I literally had nothing to wear until she gave me a free pass to raid her closet. I thought this was a good look for work, because I wear this dress like someone's paying me to.
Oh, as I do with this.
[Ravi gives a twist in his lab coat]
[Liv shows up to The Slow Roll country bar, explaining to Ravi how nervous she is]
What? What's with the face?
[nervously] I'm sweating like a ten dollar whore on nickel-night. What if my voice cracks? What if, in the middle of my song, some redneck shouts out, 'Show us your hooters!' and I go into full-on zombie mode?
Oh, 'if, if, if.' If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when it jumps.
From the moment that I met you I knew that we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I witnessed a mass murder. Before I'd eaten fresh brain, before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all of this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead. I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, but it's over now. I gotta let you go. Completely. Forever.
[Without any emotion, Major replies] Perfect. Uh, thanks for stopping by.
[Major then closes the front door on Liv]
You stalked me, and you brought me a present?
That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me.
Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, 'I can't believe my best friend is a zombie,' or, 'I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie.'
I get that.
While I was away I had a chance to put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed.
Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head.
Hey! Stop! I'm coming here like and adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me?
Who exactly am I being cold to? Huh? Uh, who-whose brain did you eat this week?
Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should. I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open... How could I bring that home to you? How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I-I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly along the line, but I did the best I could.
You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are.
[walks away but then pauses at the door] Why are you doing this?
Doing what?
Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real.
[narrating] Yeah, no kidding it'll make you crazy. You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny. Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth. Bad things happen as often as good things. People who think they're meant to be together, aren't. Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other [there's a knock on Liv's front door] [narrating] Feeling stupid we ever believed there was some grand plan.
[Liv opens the door, seeing an emotional Major on the other side]
I need help.
[the two give each other a tight hug, the two begin to kiss, repeatedly, passionately]
Do you have any open sores in your mouth?
Sexy.
[first lines]
[Liv and Major make out inside her doorway] What are we doing?
Well, it's hard to put a label on it just yet. But I'll get back to you in a minute.
We should stop. We don't know enough about how the zombie is transferred. All this kissing.
[Major and Liv keep kissing] I've been kissed by Blonde Liv before. Still human.
How hard have you been brushing your teeth.
[Major wanting to keep kissing Liv] So hard.
[Liv wakes up Major by checking his blood pressure]
How are you feeling?
[Major hears the blood pressure pump] Great. Who doesn't enjoy waking up to a beautiful woman cutting off his circulation?
That's it. Kissing moratorium until we're sure I just didn't turn you into a zombie.
So we're going the Pretty Woman no-kissing-on-the-mouth route.
Oh, my god. Horny boys are the worst. When all your blood returns to the normal locations in your body, you're gonna care whether that make-out session has left you living or living dead.
Unless there's a cure, we have no future as a couple.
You sure about that?
Well, think about it. You've always wanted kids. That could never happen. No sex. Clearly, not ready to write that off.
I seem to recall a couple items on the menu that don't involve exchanging fluids.
I could be holding your arm, walking down an icy sidewalk. I slip, I reach out for you, I scratch you, instant zombie.
[leans to Liv] So far, to me it sounds like all of our problems could be solved with condoms and rock salt.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's IZombie pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.