Charlie: Tell you what, let me pop a quick H on this box this way we all know that it's filled with hornets.

Charlie: That's Tammy, Trey's ex girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Marine Cannalan said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timmy at a party, but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous because she thought Trey secretly liked Erin Hennebrary. But Trey didn't like Erin Hennebrary, it was all a bunch of bull.
[Sweet Dee approaches]

Charlie: This is for the rats!

Charlie: Wait, wait, wait...Check his pulse.
Dee: He doesn't have a head, Charlie!

Charlie: We live and die by the crab, Dee.

Charlie: We're both men of the law. You know. We get after it. You know, we jabber jaw, we go tit for tat. We have our little differences. But at the end of the day, you win some, I win some, and there's a mutual respect left over between us.

Charlie: We're crab people now Dee.
Dee: Crab people, Charlie?

Charlie: Well how 'bout this, first I have to deal with this problem with the mob, you know how that is.
Buster: Oh sure.
Charlie: So once I'm done with that, I'm coming back for that horse, because I feel like we had a connection.
Buster: Ohh thats what I like to hear, you and that horse together it's perfect so come on you old son-of-a-gun and hey, while your at it let Buster do a line off your boner!
Charlie: Wwwwwhhhhoooo...[Gets up and walks away]

Charlie: Well I guess my letter would be about how Frank and I aren't really making memories together anymore. And you know how when we don't make memories together that's a hurtful thing for me.
Dennis: Okay. Uhh, you know let's just dive right in I'm not even going to try and suss out where you're going with that one.
Charlie: Right. Um, number one, when was the last time we played Night Crawlers together, Frank?
Dennis: Oh, uh, okay. Wha-what is that?
Charlie: Well, its not about you... why don't you just right it down and then... ?
Dennis: Yeah, but you said it... you said Night Crawlers. Now... now I feel like I can't... move past it. I gotta know what that is.
Charlie: It... its no big deal, you know. If I were you I'd just write it down cause its not really a big deal.
Dennis: What is it?
Charlie: Its... what it sounds like.
Dennis: What it sounds like is that you two crawl around like worms at night. That's what it sounds like.
Charlie: This is not about you.

Charlie: Well yea we changed it. I thought you guys were changing it.
Dennis: It was always meant to be a bicep.
Charlie: Well why didn't you cut it like a...cause it totally looks like a dick. I thought well alright lets go with the dick thing, its more masculine anyway. I mean shit if you want it to be a bicep it needs more veins.

Charlie: Well, I taped over the Spin Doctors mix!

Charlie: What does 3D even stand for?
Dee: 3rd Dimension. Just... shh. Please stop talking.
Charlie: 3rd Dimen... (chuckles) What dimension are we in?
Dee: Shh, Charlie. I don't know. Shh.
Charlie: Isn't stuff... like... suppossed to pop out at us?
Dee: I don't know. I'm not sure. Let's watch and find out.
[bird screeching]

Charlie: What does a little Mexican girl love more than anything else in the world?
Dennis: Hmmmmmmmmm...tacos.
Charlie: Tacos, buddy!

Charlie: Where's your brother dude?
Liam: We just stepped out of the shower. He'll be down in a minute.
Charlie: Alright li--listen, you guys can't go... did you just say we?
Liam: What?
Charlie: Did you just say we just stepped out of the shower?
Liam: I said "he."
Season 2

Charlie: Wow. Did you see that?
Dee: Yeah, yeah. I saw that.
Charlie: That came like right at you. Is this safe?