Fred, I got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18? I was 19.
Well I got a confession to make too. You were 24.
EEmployment agent
What did you have in mind?
What kind of jobs do you have open?
AAgent
Well what do you do?
What kind of jobs do you have open?
AAgent
Well what do you do?
What kind of jobs do you have open?
AAgent
You go first this time.
Lucy': Alright, what do you do?
AAgent
What kind of jobs do you have... Oh. Cut it out.
George Reeves (known for originating Superman on TV): [after being harassed by Lucy] How long have you been married?
15 years.
GGeorge
And they call me Superman!
LSLucy's doctor
(from Jamestown) Hello, Mr. Ricardo. I'm the man who brought your wife into the world!
I don't know whether to thank you or punch you in the nose!
(Ethel wants a new lamp.)
What do you need a new lamp for? Abe Lincoln read by candlelight.
Don't drag your boyhood friends into this, Fred.
(Choosing a bet)
What about ten dollars?
What's the matter with twenty dollars?
Well what's the matter with thirty dollars?
Well what's the matter with fifty dollars?
What was the matter with ten dollars?
Ricky!
Fred!
We're revolting!
No more than usual.
[Lucy pulls the emergency brake twice in one day on a train, she then pulls it again]
TCTrain conductor
Thanks to you I've just won five dollars from the engineer.
I wanted a toaster!
Well Fred told me that but I couldn't believe you could be that dull!
Listen, I'd look better wearing a toaster than I would those checkerboard britches!
Marion, stop cackling. I've been waiting ten years for you to lay that egg.
Oh just wait until Mickey Richardson hears about this!
Ethel to Tillie, Ethel to Tillie, come in Tillie. Over.
Well done, Medium Raya.
Oh no you don't. Not even for the love of sweet charity am I going to box three rounds with a kangaroo.
I'm surprised she's got time to make pralines she's so busy making signs.
I wonder if this bed stops in Chicago.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's I Love Lucy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.