My friend Sheila crashes funerals to meet men. I'm going with!
But you have Max.
Just because I'm chained to the fence doesn't mean I can't bark at the ground.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
ZZack
Our production is doomed because the soccer coach is doubling as the drama teacher due to budget cuts.
God, I hate jocks.
You were married to a wide-receiver.
I still don't know what sport that was!
Kids can be so ungrateful. I mean, you get them the best nannies money can buy and then they blackmail you with threats to write a Mommy Dearest.
Where's Elka? She said this disease had no symptoms and I'm out there limping around like Dr. House.
Elka said she looked it up on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia!?! Wikipedia says I'm 37, and I should know, I'm the one that corrected it.
What did you think of my mall walk mix?
WWill
Not bad. A little surprised by all the Justin Bieber.
Really? I love her!
WWill
He's a guy.
They keep saying that, but I'm not buying it.
(about her Emmy nod) Now that Edge of Tomorrow is cancelled, this'll be my very last chance to show that Susan Lucci who the real queen of daytime is.
Judge Judy?
You know, darling, instead of making fun, perhaps you should go and find the bottom half of your skirt.
We've been through, what, everything together. OK, between us: six divorces.
Five of them yours. And an endless array of bad boyfriends. All of them mine.
Five kids.
Two grandkids.
Nieces, please!
We've just always had each others' backs,
Mm-hm.
for better and for worse.
(regarding Melanie being stressed for saying “I love you” to Pete) I've blurted it out when I didn't mean it, too. Someone recently mistook me for Kate Beckinsale, and I told him I loved him.
Couldn't you have just given him a biscuit for his guide dog?
[to Victoria's selfish whining while Elka is in jail] You better buck up and bug down, bitch!
I'm in freaking jail!
(Pete and Melanie are kissing)
AAgnieszka
Disgusting! I thought you said she was not a California floozy.
PPete
Mom, hello. (leans to kiss his mother's cheek)
AAgnieszka
No, no, no. Not after that.
Need a refill?
You got that right, Skeletora.
Elka (to Joy) What´s dumb, flat and needs to shave a mustache? Spoiler Alert. It´s you!
(to Victoria) Will you at least marry me before you start cheating!
I thought you weren´t coming here.
Well I ran out of vodka and I thought I´d come here and freshen up my drunk.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hot in Cleveland pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.