PPhil
Hey let me go, I- [sees how hot Jasmine is] I'd like to introduce myself. Philoctetes, trainer of-
JJasmine
I'm married.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[receiving his Roman name] They want to name me Pluto? What kind of name is that? Pluto, that's a name for a god? What is that? I wouldn't name my dog Pluto!
[opening Meg's yearbook] Oh, well lookie here. Our little Meg was [gasp] a cheerleader!
MMeg
Give me that!
[When Hercules meets Cassandra for the first time]
Nice to meet you, Cassandra.
I doubt it, but it's polite of you to say so.
[When Adonis is forcing Icarus to get him a drink instead of getting it himself]
I'm going to talk to Adonis about this, it's just not fair!
Life got fair? Why wasn't I told?
Maturity!
Perhaps the greatest foe of all!
[It's believed Icarus defeated the Nemean Lion]
OFOlive factory owner
Brave lad, you don't know fear, do you?
Well, we're acquaintances.
(to the captive Nemean lion) I'm bad, you're sad! I'm tough, you're bluff! I'm... something and you're the negative of that something, buddy!
[After Hercules discovered that Medusa is the Gorgon, the monster that turns people into stone]
So, buddy boy! Did you ask Medusa out yet?
Icarus, Medusa is the Gorgon.
What?! The Gorgon?!
[Everyone at the malt shop heard what Icarus said and run out of the malt shop, screaming in fear]
So, where are you gonna take her?
Didn't you just hear what I said? She's the Gorgon, the monster that turns people into stone!
Oh, Herc! A relationship is built on compromises.
[face palms and groans, then grabs parts of Icarus' hair out of annoyance] Icarus, there is no relationship!
Well, maybe there's not a lot of eye contact, but she had a winning personality. [gives Herc a sly look]
[bangs on the table with his fist out of anger] She's a monster! A-a-a-a freak!
[realizes this] Oh, I see. So, the hero's too good to have a freak for a friend, huh?! Whatcha gonna do, Herc? You're gonna get rid of her? You're gonna go stick her head in the purse?
[confused] W-What? I...
And then what?! You're gonna get rid of all the freaks, huh?! Oh, who's next, Herc? Freaks who flew too close to the sun?!
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do - what should've done in the first place. [leaves the malt shop]
[When Icarus finds out his father is marrying Thespis]
And don't accuse me of some evil, diabolical plan to get rid of Miss Thespius!
Evil, diabolical plan?!
Did I jump ahead?
Icarus, you're not gonna do something stupid are you?
Why no! [Laughs manically]
Hey! You’re laughing evilly!
Oh! I mean... ha, ha, ha, ha. Better?
[Hercules and Icarus see Pandora trying to get her lunch box out of her locker and evil spirits come flying out]
Hey! Pandora! Do you own anything that isn't jammed with all the miseries that torment mankind?
PPandora
Err, not really. It's my thing.
[The lunch box shakes violently]
Hey! Wait a minute, that's it! [Laughs manically]
Hey, you’re laughing evilly again!
Oh, right! I meant... ha, ha, ha. Better?
Icarus, you sound like a crazy person! I know I say that a lot, but this time I mean it.
You always mean it.
Ok, but this time I mean it mean it.
DDaedalus
[about Icarus] Can you talk some sense into him?
I’m a demigod not a miracle worker!
AAphrodite
Tuh! When are you people going to learn? Love is like plumbing, ok? Very complex, usually messy and best left to professionals.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hercules pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.