[When Hercules is going on a secret spy mission]
I've got to go. Remember, don't tell a soul.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mum's the word, buddy. If anybody asks I never heard of ya. OK! GOOD LUCK WITH THE SPYIN'!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
AAthena
Smartly done, Hercules. I meant for him to do that.
AAres
You did not! You're alway- wait. Hercules? That's... He's... Sport is Zeus' little boy?
[Athena nods]
AAres
I was gonna execute Zeus' kid?
AAthena
Mm-hm.
[She laughs and vanishes. Ares looks up in fear as Zeus throws a thunderbolt at him]
[Hercules is trying to dissuade Icarus from kissing Cassandra]
It's great that your relationship is just friendly, you know, platonic.
Oh, Plato's a prude!
CSCassandra's mother
Cassie! There's an armed youth and a flying horse here to see you!
[After Cassandra kissed Icarus to wake him from the eternal sleep]
First and last, Icarus! First and last!
Oh, come on! One more! I was asleep the first time!
[Hades is choosing tortures for all the students]
All right. How about an eternity spent punching out your best buddy? Nice, huh?
HDHercules dummy
Come and get me, sissy face.
[assaults the dummy without hesitation, to Hades' shock] You want a piece of me? Ooh ooh! You swine! Hyah, hyah! Teach you to call my dad useless! Get up! Get up!
ZZeus
We need to get to know each other better. Sit next to me at dinner.
TTrivia
On the left or on the right? Did you know that sitting on the right hand of a god signifies power, while sitting on the left means you pass the condiments.
ZZeus
Er, I just remembered, I already ate.
Well, where do we find these apples?
OAOracle at Delphi
Sorry. You'll have to go to the back of the line if you want to ask another question.
PPhil
Take care of that heel!
AAchilles
Take care of that kid, huh?
FFear
Say dad, okay, who is the god of war?
AAres
Me, you idiot!
FFear
Ha ha! The answer is "Me, you idiot!"
MPMember of POOTLS
We are the Peoples' Organisation Of Titanic Liberators. And you boys and girls are our hostages.
Ooh! I always wanted to be a hostage! It's so edgy! The bewilderment! The unspeakable mind bending terror!
Actually, it's a lot like hanging out with you.
The truth is that...that... [gets an actual vision] Atlantis is going to sink.
CCroesus
That is so incredibly completely not what you were supposed to say!
♪ Swing low sweet chariot ♪ Ay-yi-yi. What if they gave an afterlife and nobody came? Welcome! Grab a nametag and I'll show you to your sulfur pit. Ay, you two.
PPain
Great news, your crustiness!
Nice. Good. First let me ask you this, however... WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
PPanic
Diseases take time. But get this...Hercules has Catastrophia!
Go on!
PPanic
No lie!
PPain
And I got a Myklos pop 'n' drop. No, wait, I can make it work.
PPanic
No, you have to wind it counterclockwise, like this.
[clears throat] Hello! Hello! NO! So...we'll be seeing Zeus Junior real soon, right? Nothing's gonna come along and suddenly, oh, I don't know, make him, uh, better. Right? Right?
PPain
Well, we overheard a vision that someone was gonna find a cure.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
PPanic
But he'll be crushed by Briarius, the hundred-handed giant.
Look, you little fish heads, you make sure that cure never gets to "Jerkules," or I've got some nametags with your names on them!
PPPain and Panic
Owww!!!
PPain
Almost forgot my... Yah! I'll just get it next time!
AAdonis
Only a small cash payment to him saved my unblemished hands from the scars of manual labor.
CCadet
[cutting potatoes] Baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie...
AAdonis
Get me out of here!
[imitates Jafar] Good for you, you big scary booger-head, you! Ooh, boogah-boogah-boogah...Get him outta here, will ya, boys?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hercules pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.