This is burdock root. You chew on it. Like this. Here. [Holly spits it out] No, no, no, I know, I know. It tastes like an old tennis shoe. I mean, not that I've eaten all that many of them.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
FSForest Service Ranger
It's kinda weird, there's not a bit of food left. No sleeping bag, no blankets. Got millions of dollars worth of marijuana plants out there and not one of them was taken.
You're saying somebody killed him for his supplies?
FSForest Service Ranger
That's what it looks like.
Somebody got their priorities screwed up.
Maybe we're talking Bigfoot.
I don't think Bigfoot would fit in the sleeping bag.
DDustin
I told you everything I told the police. I didn't kill your brother. I'm telling you, there was someone else out there.
MBMike Blake
That's just what I would have told the cops if I'd killed somebody.
Who kills a pot grower in the middle of the woods for a sleeping bag and some food?
Somebody hungry and cold.
TCTitle Card
Fee fi fo fum... I smell the blood of an Englishman...
[answers phone] This is awfully early.
Can you trace an antique watch?
Wow. You're actually calling me for what I do. I might have to charge you for this.
Good morning. Well, not that good if somebody died, I guess. But, um, yeah, come on in.
He's after Hank.
Hank? Why?
He put him in prison.
Oh, yeah, that'll do it. These guys carry grudges to the grave. And usually it's your grave.
You're lucky to be alive. Pulling a stunt like that. I should have your badge.
If you want it, you can have it.
I'd rather have you alive and wearing it.
TCTitle Card
I am impelled not to squeak like a grateful and frightened mouse, but to roar...
SWSgt. Wu
He thinks it might have been a disgruntled customer. Apparently his boss was a terror. Nobody liked him. He said, and I quote, "I'm surprised somebody didn't stick a tire iron in him before this". Actually, that was a paraphrase. I left out the bad language because I couldn't write that fast.
Love's a funny thing.
You must be laughing all the time.
You ever seen one of these? [Shows Monroe a drawing]
A Mauzhertz. Pretty favorable likeness actually, given the subject.
Well, I think I saw one and he could be involved in a murder.
There's a reason you people never wrote about them. They never do anything worth writing about. This whole cartoon thing they got going, such a racket.
So they're harmless?
Yeah. I mean you say "Boo" and they scurry off to their safety zones. They're very predictable that way.
What about a Lausenschlange?
Lausenschlange? You saw a snake dude and lived to tell about it? Let me tell you, what you don't want to do is leave a Lausenschlange alone with a Mauzhertz. That is a recipe for dessert.
I hate places like this.
Why? It's just stuff.
Nah, it's people's lives falling apart. What's left when the good times are over. The stuff of dreams.
Thanks. Now I'm creeped out.
[after finding a raccoon in their garbage] Don't arrest him, he's just hungry.
Yeah, well, he's a rodent, and he should be eating what rodents eat.
He's not a rodent. We're all mammals here.
Well, I'm not eating what he's eating.
Sure you are. You just got to it first.
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