That is not the kind of life I want to model for my child. That is not what I want him to believe married love is. And I know what's possible, I know what's out there for me because you taught me well. You and mom showed me what true love looks like, so I chose not to settle, and I'm happier for it. Even if I'm alone at Christmas. My child is healthy, and I'm happy. --You know, part of my happiness is the fact that I got to repair a woman's bowel and save her life today. And that's God's work, which makes this an appropriate Christmas dinner conversation. --I'm happy, and my child is healthy, and that's enough for me today, Dad. That's enough.
You idiot. I have loved you... forever. I have loved you when I was coupled up. I have loved you when I was single. I have loved you every second of every day...
[voiceover] Everyday we get to give the gift of life, it can be painful, it can be terrifying, but in the end it's worth it. Every time. We all have the opportunity to give. Maybe the gifts are not as dramatic as what happens in the operating room, maybe the gift is to try and make a simple apology, maybe it's to understand another person’s point of view, maybe it's to hold a secret for a friend. The joy supposedly is in the giving, so when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know, you give till it hurts, and then you give some more.
[voiceover] We assume the really serious changes in our lives happen slowly, over time. But it's not true. The big stuff happens in an instant. Becoming an adult. Becoming a parent. Becoming a doctor. One minute, you're not, and the next... you are. Ask any doctor, and they can point to the one moment they become a physician. It usually isn't med school graduation day. Whatever it is... nobody forgets it. Sometimes you don't even know anything's changed. You think you're still you and your life is still your life but you wake up one day and you look around and you don't recognize anything. Not anything at all.
[voiceover] You never forget the moment that you become a doctor. A switch flips. Suddenly, you're not playing dress-up anymore. You own the white coat. What you may not notice is the moment that being a doctor... changes you.
[catching Alex and Lexie in bed] Izzie leaves and Mark gets a kid, and you two decide the best way to deal is to get drunk and mash your genitals together?
Where have you been? You just disappeared. I left you, like, ten messages. Are you drunk? [Owen grabs her and kisses her, she pulls away] Wait, what? What? What?
You make me sad. You think that surgery is going to make you feel... you think that a successful career is gonna make you happy. You think you know things; you know things and nothing else matters. No one else matters. People do matter. I matter. We... we matter. So you don't get to toss me aside. I won't let you.
[voiceover] In surgery, the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of flesh. We have to damage the healthy flesh in order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel and against common sense, but it works. You risk exposure for the sake of healing, and when it's over, once the incision has been closed, you wait. You wait and you hope that your patient will heal. That you haven't in fact, just made everything worse.
[voiceover] We ask a lot of our patients. We put them to sleep. Cut them open. Poke around in their brains and guts with sharp instruments. We ask for their blind trust. Irony is, trust is hard for surgeons, because we're trained from day one that we can't trust anyone but ourselves. The only instincts you can count on are your own. The only skills you can count on are your own. Until one day, you'll leave the classroom and step into the O.R. You're surrounded by others, a team of others. A team that you have to rely on whether you trust them or not.
Yeah, vent marks. But same difference. [whispering] I was busy having sex. Will you please just dress the wound. Owen's being very caveman-like. It's hot, vaguely disturbing, but mostly hot. I- I think he might still be a little upset that I offered him to Teddy.
[to Owen] Burke. Burke was- He took something from me. He took little pieces of me, little pieces over time, so small I didn't even notice, you know? He wanted me to be something I wasn't, and I made myself into what he wanted. One day I was me Cristina Yang, and then suddenly I was lying for him, and jeopardizing my career, and agreeing to be married and wearing a ring, and being a bride. Until I was standing there in a wedding dress with no eyebrows, and I wasn't Cristina Yang anymore. And even then, I would've married him. I would have. I lost myself for a long time. And now that I'm finally me again, I can't. I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke. I love you. And that scares the crap out of me because when you asked me to ignore Teddy's page, you took a piece of me, and I let you. And that will never happen again.
I know it's been a long day, and you're all anxious to get home. But I feel like we got off on the wrong foot this morning. I don't expect to win your trust overnight. But I want each of you to know you have mine. Which is why I felt it was important to personally come in here and apologize. [voiceover] I want to clear some things up. I am neither pro nor anti merger. From this point on, everyone has a clean slate. I am not focused on the past. I'm looking to the future to all the promise this hospital has to offer. I plan to honor Richard Webber and his legacy, not undo it, which is why I'm both humbled and honored to be your new Chief of Surgery.
[voiceover] The surgical scalpel is made of sterilized, carbonized stainless steel. This is a vast improvement over the first scalpel, which was pretty much a sharp stick. Medicine is constantly reinventing itself, that means surgeons have to keep reinventing themselves too. There's constant pressure to adapt to changes. It can be a painful process. But without it, you'll find yourself moving backwards instead of forwards.
