[voiceover] Secrets can't hide in science. Medicine has a way of exposing the lies. Within the walls of the hospital, the truth is stripped bare. How we keep our secrets outside the hospital – well, that’s a little different. One thing is certain, whatever it is we're trying to hide; we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets – like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst.
[voiceover] The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.
[voiceover] To be a good surgeon you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture, and close. But sometimes you're faced with a cut that won't heal. A cut that rips its stitches wide open.
[voiceover] They say practice makes perfect. Theory is – the more you think like a surgeon, the more you become one, the better you get at remaining neutral, clinical, cut, suture, close - and the harder it becomes to turn it off. To stop thinking like a surgeon, and remember what it means to think like a human being.
[voiceover] Surgeons are control freaks. With a scalpel in your hand, you feel unstoppable. There's no fear, there's no pain. You're ten-feet tall and bulletproof. And then you leave the OR. And all that perfection, all that beautiful control, just falls to crap.
[voiceover] No one likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except if there's an upside to free-falling, it's the chance you give your friends to catch you.
[voiceover] The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.
[voiceover] Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?
[voiceover] Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else; makes the rest of the world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... and for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.
[to Derek] Okay, here it is. Your choice. It's simple. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek... I love you... in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window... unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I'll be at Joe's tonight. So if you do decide to sign the papers meet me there.
[voiceover] Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more.
[voiceover] In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways those who love surprises and those who don't. I don't. I've never met a surgeon that enjoys a surprise, because as surgeons, we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know, because when we aren't, people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling. Okay, so my point, actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits, or even surgeons. My point is this: whoever said "What you don't know can't hurt you", was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. [Sees two people with a pole cutting through them.] Okay, fine. Maybe it's the second worst.
[voiceover] As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients and how to take care of each other. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there may be fear, but there's also hope.
[voiceover] Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
[voiceover] At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say because there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.
Grey's Anatomy · 1,393 quotes
Meredith
