Jessa Johansson quotes from Girls

Jessa

You know what the weirdest part about having a job is? You have to be there everyday, even on the days you don't feel like it.

Jessa

I was only attracted to him for, like, several minutes when I first met him, but I'm attracted to everyone when I first meet them. And then it wore off. It always wears off.

Jessa Johansson

Your boyfriend should kill himself. You deserve it.

Jessa

All that matters are that your rising signs are compatible, the sex is decent and he supports you creatively.

Jessa

Oooh, I hate when people are early. It's so vile.

Jessa

This book doesn't matter, that's the first thing you need to know. It's not gonna matter to the people who read it or to you.

Jessa

This is a space cigarette invented by Stephen Dorff. It's just water vapor and good things like that.

Jessa

Oh, that's amazing. It's really hard for a jew to gain respect in sports.

Jessa

I am a junkie.

Jessa

[to Shoshanna] Are you alright?

Shoshanna

I think so, I'm really, really high, like out of my mind high, I smoked some pot in line to the bathroom which is so dirty - do not go in there unless it's an emerg - with these guys in line to the bathroom and they gave me some pot out of a pipe - but it was this stem - it was stem, it was a stem.

Ray

[to Jessa] I don't think she's high on marijuana. [to Shoshanna] Was it a crack stem?

Shoshanna

No.

Ray

Did you smoke crack? Little white rocks?

Shoshanna

No! It was a glass cigarette and I'm high and my ears feel like popping, do you ears feel like popping?

Jessa Johansson

Look at me - you smoked crack. You smoked some crack.

Shoshanna

[pause] Oh my God, don't tell my mom. Don't even tell me. I matriculated from NYU and I just smoked crack, what's going to happen?

Jessa

You're going to be fine. crack can be really fun, under the right circumstances, and it only lasts a little while and I'll take care of you. I will be your crack spirit guide.

Jessa

You look... really gorgeous. I love you all stripped down.

Marnie

I've never been as miserable in my life.

Jessa

It's totally working.

[To Marnie] Has anyone ever told you you look like a young Brooke Shields?

Marnie

Actually, yeah. Thank you.

You're welcome. [to Jessa] And you... Julie Christie.

Jessa

[looking decidedly uncomfortable] Good reference.

[running his hand over her stomach] Equal in beauty -

Jessa

[sitting up abruptly] Okay, that's our cue to go. Thank you so much.

Marnie

No, wait, we don't - we don't have to go.

Jessa

I think we have outstayed our welcome.

No.

Jessa

It's, um... Th-thank you so much, you've been so -

Just follow your instincts, Brooke...

Are you fucking serious? This is... a 10,000 dollar rug! This is a very fucking expensive rug! If you're gonna spill stuff on it, you gotta look more sorry than that!

Marnie

I'm sorry.

Jessa

She's sorry.

[going into his kitchen to get something to clean up] You know what? If you were really sorry, you'd be planning to make this a very special night, for all of us. Not just you and fucking Missy Malone! All of us! No more excluding me, Mary Poppins! It's not fair! I wanna be part of the group!

Jessa

That... will never happen.