[Robb surveys his map, which displays the Stark forces nearly encircled by the Greyjoy and Tyrell/Lannister forces.]
You were right. the Karstarks are gone. Almost half our forces. Tywin Lannister knows what he needs to do, to make us unravel. Nothing. Only wait.
What can I do? Attack King's Landing? There's nothing he'd like better. He'd crush us in a day.
You could ride North, take your lands back from the Greyjoys. Wait out the winter.
Winter could last five years. Once my bannermen are home again, sitting by the fire, surrounded by their families, warm and safe, they'll never ride south again. When I gathered my Lords together, we had a purpose, a mission. Now, we're like a band of bickering children!
If I faint, pull me out. I don't intend to be the first Lannister to die in a bathtub.
Why should I care how you die?
You swore a solemn vow, remember? You're supposed to get me to King's Landing in one piece. [Nods to his severed hand] Not going so well, is it? No wonder Renly died with you guarding him. [Brienne stands up with contempt] That was unworthy. Forgive me. You protected me better than most.
I'm apologizing. I'm sick of fighting. Let's call a truce.
You need trust to have a truce.
I trust you. [Brienne sits back down] There it is. There's the look. I've seen it for 17 years on face after face. You all despise me. Kingslayer, Oathbreaker, man without honor. You've heard of wildfire?
The Mad King was obsessed with it. He loved to watch people burn, the way their skin blackened and blistered and melted off their bones. He burned lords he didn't like. He burned Hands who disobeyed him. He burned anyone who was against him. Before long, half the country was against him. Aerys saw traitors everywhere. So he had his pyromancer place caches of wildfire all over the city. Beneath the Sept of Baelor and the slums of Flea Bottom. Under houses, stables, taverns. Even beneath the Red Keep itself. Finally, the day of reckoning came. Robert Baratheon marched on the capital after his victory at the Trident. But my father arrived first with the whole Lannister army at his back, promising to defend the city against the rebels. I knew my father better than that. He's never been one to pick the losing side. I told the Mad King as much. I urged him to surrender peacefully. But the king didn't listen to me. He didn't listen to Varys who tried to warn him. But he did listen to Grand Maester Pycelle, that grey, sunken cunt. "You can trust the Lannisters," he said. "The Lannisters have always been true friends of the crown." So we opened the gates and my father sacked the city. Once again, I came to the king, begging him to surrender. He told me to... bring him my father's head. Then he... turned to his pyromancer. "Burn them all," he said. "Burn them in their homes. Burn them in their beds." Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men, women, and children burned alive, would you have done it? Would you have kept your oath then? [Brienne stares at him in stunned silence.] First, I killed the pyromancer. And then when the king turned to flee, I drove my sword into his back. "Burn them all," he kept saying. "Burn them all." I don't think he expected to die. He, he meant to... burn with the rest of us and rise again, reborn as a dragon to turn his enemies to ash. I slit his throat to make sure that didn't happen. That's where Ned Stark found me.
If this is true... why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell Lord Stark?
Stark? You think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side? He judged me guilty the moment he set eyes on me. By what right does the wolf judge the lion? By what right-- [collapses, Brienne supports him]
Help! Help! The Kingslayer!
[as Brienne and Jaime dine with him] I see my men have finally found you something appropriate to wear.
Yes, most kind of the. You're a Stark bannerman, Lord Bolton. I'm acting on Lady Stark's orders to return Jaime Lannister to King's Landing.
When King Robb left Harrenhall, his mother was his prisoner. If she wasn't his mother, he'd have hanged her for treason. I should send you back to Robb Stark.
You should. But instead, you're sitting here, watching me fail at dinner. Why might that be?
Wars cost money. Many people would pay a great deal for you.
We both know who would pay the most. He'll make you pay the most, if he found out you'd captured me and sent me back up North for a summary execution.
You're right. Perhaps, the safest course is to kill you both and burn your bodies.
It would be, if you honestly believe my father would never find out about it.
King Robb is keeping your father quite busy. He doesn't have time for anything else.
As soon as you're well enough to travel, I will allow you to go to King's Landing as restitution for the mistakes my soldiers made. And you will swear to tell your father the truth. That I had nothing to do with your maiming.
You do understand how suspicious that is to ordinary people? Very well. My lady, may our journey continue without further incident.
Oh, she won't be going with you.
I am charged with bringing Ser Jaime to-
You are charged with abetting treason.
I'm afraid I must insist...
You're in no place to insist on anything. I would've hoped you'd learned your lesson about overplaying your...position.
[about the prospect of Loras marrying Cersei] Impossible
My grandson is the pride of Highgarden, the most desirable bachelor in the whole Seven Kingdoms! Your daughter...
Is rich, the most beautiful woman in the whole Seven Kingdoms, and the mother of the king.
Old. I'm something of an expert on the subject. Her change will be upon her before long. I'll spare you the details of what will happen then. You men may have a stomach for bloodshed and slaughter, but this is another matter entirely.
Oh, the years punish us as well, I promise you that. My stomach remains quite strong, however. The only thing that might turn it are details of your grandson's... nocturnal activities. Do you deny them?
Oh, not at all! A sword-swallower, through and through.
Well, a boy with his affliction should be grateful for the opportunity to marry the most beautiful woman in the Seven Kingdoms, and remove the stain from his name.
Did you grow up with boy cousins, Lord Tywin? Sons of your father's bannermen, squires, stableboys?
Not once? Not in any way?
I congratulate you on your restraint! But, it's a natural enough thing, two boys having a go at each other beneath the sheets.
Perhaps Highgarden has a high tolerance for unnatural behavior.
I wouldn't say that. True, we don't tie ourselves into knots over a discreet bit of buggery, but... brothers and sisters... where I come from, that stain would be very difficult to wash out.
I will not breathe further life into a malicious lie by discussing it.
Lie or not, you must admit that many people find it quite convincing. Convincing enough to put swords in their hands and send them off to kill Lannisters and Tyrells, thanks to our new affiliation.
I don't care what people believe, and neither do you.
As an authority on myself, I must disagree!
Now, if the rumors about my children were true, then Joffrey is no King at all and House Tyrell is throwing it's prize flower into the dirt.
And if Cersei is too old to give Loras children, we are throwing another "prize flower" into the dirt. It is a chance we simply cannot take!
The uncertainty makes you uncomfortable? All right, I'll remove it for you. If you refuse to marry Loras to Cersei, I will name him to the Kingsguard. And, I'm sure you're familiar with the Kingsguard's vows. He will never marry, he will never have children, the Tyrell name will fade and Highgarden will go to the children of Joffrey and Margaery.
You would have your grandson protected by someone who disgusts you?
I would have my grandson protected by a skilled warrior who takes his vows seriously. So shall I draw up the order or do you consent to this match?
It's a rare enough thing- a man who lives up to his reputation. [plucks the quill from Tywin's fingers and snaps it in half]
[about The Wall] Have you ever climbed it before?
No, but Tormund's done it half a hundred times. You're afraid.
Aye. Well, it's a long way up, and a long way down, but... I've waited my whole life to see the world from up there. [she pulls out a set of climbing spikes] Here, sit down, brought a pair for you. They're too big for you, but they're good.
You kill someone for them?
Nah. I didn't kill him, but I bet his balls are still bruised. He wasn't good to me, the way you're good to me. And he didn't do that thing you do with your tongue.
Hey, can we not talk about that here?
"Can we not talk about that here? I'm Jon Snow. I've killed dead men and Qhorin Halfhand, but I'm scared of naked girls!"
Did I seem scared the other day?
[laughs] Oh, you were tremblin' like a leaf.
Only in the beginning. You're a proper lover, Jon Snow. And, don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
D'you think I'm as dumb as all those girls in silk dresses you knew growing up? You're loyal, and you're brave...You didn't stop being a Crow, the day you walked into Mance Rayder's tent. But I'm your woman now, Jon Snow. You're goin' to be loyal to your woman. The Night's Watch don't care if you live or die. Mance Rayder don't care if I live or die. We're just soldiers in their armies, and there's plenty more to carry on if we go down. But it's you and me that matters. Me and you. Don't ever betray me.
Because, I'll cut your pretty cock right off and wear it 'round me neck.
[walks up] Sink your metal deep and make sure it holds, before taking your next step. And, if you fall, don't scream. You don't want that to be the last thing she remembers, eh?
[Ramsay blows on a trumpet, awakening Theon, who is hanging from a rack]
Sorry. Were you sleeping?
Wa? Wa? Water! You want some water. [Ramsay grabs a cup of water] I wish I had some for you. [Ramsay pours the water on the ground in front of an anguished Theon.] So let's play a game. Which body part do you need the least?
Please is not a body part.
I'll tell you everything, please...
But you already told me everything, remember? Your daddy was mean to you. The Starks didn't appreciate you. One good bit, though: the Stark boys, they're still alive. Wouldn't that be a hunt to remember? You failed, but I'm a better hunter than you. Now, how about your little finger? You don't need that for much, do you? No? Good. Let's start with that. You've been wondering why you're here, haven't you? Where you are, who I am, why I'm doing this to you. So guess. If you guess right, I'll tell you. By the Old Gods and the New, I swear it. You win the game if you can figure out who I am and why I'm torturing you, and I win the game if you beg me to cut off your finger!
If I win, you'll let me go?
If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
[pulling out a knife] You say please again and you'll wish you hadn't. You first. Where are we?
[Ramsay jams the knife in Theon's little finger. Theon groans in pain]
Do I look like a fucking Umber to you?
[Ramsay moves the blade around]
Karhold? How did you know that? Did you see any banners flying when we came in?
Very good, Lord Theon. And who am I?
He's dead. Strangled by the Kingslayer.
He was your brother. Your father is Lord Rickard Karstark. [A defeated Ramsay sits back down] You swore to tell me if I-!
Lord Rickard Karstark is Robb Stark's bannerman. I betrayed Robb. That's why you're torturing me.
Yes. You win. [pause] Of course you forgot to ask one question. You forgot to ask if I'm a liar! [he sticks his knife back into Theon's little finger, causing Theon to scream in agony] I'm afraid I am. [begins carving Theon's skin on his little finger] Everything I told you is a lie. [he begins to peel off Theon's little finger skin. Theon screams in absolute pain] This isn't happening to you for a reason. Well, one reason: I enjoy it.
PLEASE CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
[about the Iron Throne] A thousand blades. Taken from the hands of Aegon's fallen enemies, forged in the fiery breath of Balerion the Dread.
There aren't a thousand blades. There aren't even two hundred. I've counted.
Heh. I'm sure you have. Ugly old thing.
Yet it has a certain... appeal.
The Lysa Arryn of chairs. Shame that you had to settle for your second choice.
Early days, my friend. It is flattering, really, you feeling such dread at the prospect of me getting what I want.
Thwarting you has never been my primary ambition, I promise you... although who doesn't like to see their friends fail now and then.
You're so right. For instance, when I thwarted your plan to give Sansa Stark to the Tyrells... if, I'm going to be honest, I did feel an unmistakable sense of... enjoyment there. But your confidante, the one who fed you information about my plans, the one you swore to protect, you didn't bring her any enjoyment. And she didn't bring me any enjoyment. She was a bad investment on my part. Luckily, I have a friend who wanted to try something new. Something daring. And he was so grateful to me for providing this fresh experience.
I did what I did for the good of the realm.
The realm. Do you know what the realm is? It's the thousand blades of Aegon's enemies, a story we agreed to tell each other over and over 'till we forget that it's a lie.
But what do we have left once we abandon the lie? Chaos. A gaping pit waiting to swallow us all.
Chaos... isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, who are given the chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the realm. Or the gods. Or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.
You think? You don't know?
When we went to Castle Black, we took the Kingsroad.
You and your roads. Is that how you lot do your fighting? You march down a road, banging drums and waving banners?
How do the men holding the banners fight?
They don't, really. It's a great honor to carry a house sigil.
And the drummers? Is that a great honor too?
Usually, it's the young boys bangin' the drums.
Well, it's, it's the rhythm.
[laughing] What, you mean, right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot? What, you need help remembering that? When Mance gives the signal and we hit Castle Black, we won't be banging on drums to let 'em know we're coming.
No. No, you're just gonna light the biggest fire the North has ever seen, to let them know you're coming.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Now comes the noble Razdal mo Eraz of that ancient and honorable house, master of men and speaker to savages, to offer terms of peace. Noble lord, you are in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.
Will the noble lord take refreshment? [Razdahl nods and takes an offered cup of wine]
RRazdal
Ancient and glorious is Yunkai. Our empire was old before dragons stirred in old Valyria. Many an army has broken against our walls. You shall find no easy conquest here, Khaleesi.
Good. My Unsullied need practice. I was told to blood them early.
RRazdal
If blood is your desire, blood shall flow. But why? 'Tis true you have committed savageries in Astapor. But the Yunkai are a forgiving and generous people. The Wise Masters of Yunkai have sent a gift for the silver queen. [slaves bring in two chests of gold] There is far more than this awaiting you on the deck of your ship.
RRazdal
Yes, khaleesi. As I said, we are a generous people. You shall have as many ships as you require.
And what do you ask in return?
RRazdal
All we ask is that you make use of these ships. Sail them back to Westeros where you belong and leave us to conduct our affairs in peace.
I have a gift for you as well. Your life.
And the lives of your Wise Masters. But I also want something in return. You will release every slave in Yunkai. Every man, woman, and child shall be given as much food, clothing, and property as they can carry as payment for their years of servitude. Reject this gift, and I shall show you no mercy.
RRazdal
You are mad. We are not Astapor or Qarth. We are Yunkai and we have powerful friends. Friends who would take great pleasure in destroying you. Those who survive, we shall enslave once more. Perhaps we'll make a slave of you as well. [One of Daenerys' dragons screeches] You swore me safe conduct.
I did, but my dragons made no promises. And you threatened their mother.
RRazdal
[to his slaves] Take the gold.
[Daenerys' dragons screech and the slaves back away]
My gold. You gave it to me, remember? And I shall put it to good use. You'd be wise to do the same with my gift to you. Now get out. [Razdal leaves]
The Yunkish are a proud people. They will not bend.
And what happens to things that don't bend?
[about Jojen] What's he goin' on about? And how come he always gets to sit and chat, while we do all the work?
JRJojen Reed
That's where we are...
What are you tellin' him?
It's not all right. You think I can't hear you every day? Filling his head with black magic? Talking about visions and three-eyed ravens and worse?
He can speak for himself.
JRJojen Reed
I don't fill his head with anything.
So what d'you talk about?
JRJojen Reed
What's happening to him, and...what that means.
Go on, then. Tell us what it means.
JRJojen Reed
It's not like that. I wish that I could tell him all the answers; it would be much easier.
I don't want you talking to him anymore, until we get to your brother at Castle Black.
JRJojen Reed
We're not going to Castle Black.
JRJojen Reed
I told you already. Jon Snow isn't there. Bran needs to find the Raven, beyond the Wall.
Oh, no. I'm not going back there! Your brother is at Castle Black. That's where we're going! Look at me.
The raven's been coming to me, ever since I fell from that tower. He wants me to find him. I don't have my legs anymore! This is what I have, now.
You have a family. You need to go back to Castle Black, so you can get back to them, where you belong.
What if I belong in the North? What if...I fell from that tower for a reason?
[glares at Jojen] Is that what he's telling you? That it's all for a reason? All these bad things happened, because the Gods got big plans for you? I wish it were true, little Lord, but the Gods wouldn't spare a raven's cold shit for you, or me, or anyone.
You don't understand. You don't know.
You don't know! None of you know. None of you have been up there! I had a man, once; a good man. Bruni, his name was. I was his, and he was mine. But one night, Bruni disappears. People said he left me, but I knew him. He'd never leave me. Not for long. I knew he'd come back. And he did. He came in through the back of the hut. Only, he wasn't Bruni, not really. His skin was... pale, like a dead man's. His eyes, bluer than clear sky. He came at me, grabbed me by the neck, and squeezed so hard I could feel the life slipping out of me. I don't know how I got the knife, but when I did, I stuck it deep into his heart. And he hardly seemed to notice. I had to burn our hut down, with him inside. I didn't ask the Gods what it meant. I didn't need to. It meant the North was no place for men to be, not anymore. I promised your Maester I'd get you to Castle Black, and no further.
You wanted to speak to me?
Yes! I'd like a report on the meetings of my Small Council.
You're welcome to attend the meetings of your Small Council, Your Grace, any or all of them.
I've been very busy, many important matters require a King's attention!
You've been holding the Small Council meetings in the Tower of the Hand, instead of the Small Council Chamber.
The Tower of the Hand is where I work. To walk from there to here would take time - time I could otherwise spend productively.
So, if I wanted to attend one of my Small Council meetings, I would now have to climb all the stairs in the Tower of the Hand? [Tywin slowly walks up to the Iron Throne, unsettling Joffrey]
...We could arrange to have you carried.
Tell me about the Targaryen girl in the East, and her dragons.
Where did you hear about this?
Don't you think we ought to do something about it?
When I was Hand of the King under your father's predecessor, the skulls of all the Targaryen dragons were kept in this room - and the skull of the last of them was right here. It was the size of an apple.
And the biggest was the size of a carriage.
Yes, and the creature to whom it belonged died three hundred years ago! Curiosities on the far side of the world are no threat to us.
But how do we know these dragons are...curiosities, and not the beasts that brought the whole world to heel?
Because we have been told as much by the many experts who serve the Realm by counseling the King on matters about which he knows nothing.
But I haven't been counseled!
You are being counseled at this very moment.
I should be consulted about such things.
From now on, I will see to it that you are appropriately consulted on important matters...whenever necessary. [starts to walk away, then turns back and bows his head] Your Grace.
LLocke
[watching Brienne in a gladiator pit, facing a bear] Well, this is one shameful fucking performance. Stop running and fight! :[Jaime appears, followed by Qyburn and a Bolton bodyguard, Steelshanks]
LLocke
Thought you'd gone.
You gave her a wooden sword!
LLocke
I've only got one bear.
I'll pay her bloody ransom. Gold, sapphires, whatever you want. Just get her out of there!
LLocke
All you Lords and Ladies. You still think that the only thing that matters is gold. [grabs the stump of Jaime's wrist] Well, this makes me happier than all your gold ever could. And that [points at Brienne's predicament] makes me happier than all her sapphires. So go buy yourself a golden hand and fuck yourself with it!
[Jaime climbs the rail and leaps into the pit, trying to draw the bear off Brienne]
[Suddenly, a crossbow bolt hits the bear in the shoulder, fired by Steelshanks]
LLocke
The'FUCK you doin' to my bear?
SSteelshanks
Lord Bolton charged me with bringin' him back to King's Landing, alive! An' that's what I intend to do!
Pull her up! [two of the Bolton men do so; the bear starts to advance on Jaime]
Hold my legs! [Jaime manages to take Brienne's hand] Pull me back! [the Bolton bannermen pull them both up]
I'm taking her to King's Landing, unless you kill me.
LLocke
She belongs to me. Lord Bolton's orders.
What do you think is more important to Lord Bolton? Getting his pet rat a reward or ensuring that Tywin Lannister gets his son back alive? Well, we must be on our way. Sorry about the sapphires.
Your Grace, allow me to present the Captains of the Second Sons: Mero of Braavos, Prendahl Na Ghezn, and...
DNDaario Naharis
Daario Naharis.
MMero
You're the mother of Dragons? I swear I fucked you once, in a pleasure house in Lys.
MMero
Why? I didn't mind hers. She licked my ass like she was born to do it. [grins at her, then gestures to Missandei] You, slave girl. Bring wine.
MMero
You'll all be slaves after the battle, unless I save you. Take your clothes off, and come and sit on Mero's lap, and I may give you my Second Sons.
Give me your Second Sons, and I may not have you gelded. Ser Barristan, how many men fight for the Second Sons?
Under two thousand, Your Grace.
I'm only a young girl, new to the ways of war, but perhaps a seasoned Captain like yourself can explain to me how you propose to defeat us?
DNDaario Naharis
I hope the old man is better with a sword than he is with a lie. You have eight thousand Unsullied.
You're very young, to be a Captain.
PNPrendahl Na Ghezn
He isn't a Captain; he's a lieutenant.
Even if your numbers are right, you must admit the odds don't favor your side.
MMero
The Second Sons have faced worse odds and won.
The Second Sons have faced worse odds and run.
Or, you could fight for me.
MMero
We've taken the slavers' gold. We fight for Yunkai.
I would pay you as much, and more.
PNPrendahl Na Ghezn
Our contract is our bond. If we break our bond, no one will hire the Second Sons again.
Ride with me, and you'll never need another contract. You'll have gold and castles and lordships of your choosing, when I take back the Seven Kingdoms.
DNDaario Naharis
You have no ships, you have no siege weapons. You have no cavalry.
A fortnight ago, I had no army. A year ago, I had no dragons. You have two days to decide.
MMerot
Show me your cunt. I want to see if it's worth fighting for.
[in Valyrian] My Queen, shall I slice out his tongue for you?
[smiles, replies in Valyrian] These men are our guests. [to Mero] You seem to be enjoying my wine. Perhaps you'd like a flagon to help you think it over?
MMero
Only a flagon? And what are my brothers-in-arms to drink?
MMero
Good! The Titan's Bastard does not drink alone. In the Second Sons, we share everything. Maybe after the battle, we'll all share you. I'll come looking for you after this is over.
Ser Barristan, if it comes to battle, kill that one first.
Congratulations, my lady.
We've done it. You've married a Lannister! Soon you will have a Lannister baby. It's a dream come true for you, isn't it? What a glorious day!
I suppose it doesn't really matter which Lannister puts the baby into you. Maybe I'll pay you a visit after my uncle passes out. How'd you like that? [Sansa doesn't answer] You wouldn't? Well, that's all right. Ser Meryn and Ser Boris will hold you down. [to the crowd] Time for the bedding ceremony!
There will be no bedding ceremony.
Where's your respect for tradition, uncle? Come, everyone! Pick her up, and carry her to her wedding bed. Get rid of her gown, she won't be needing it any longer. Ladies! Attend to my uncle, he's not heavy!
There will be no bedding ceremony.
There will be if I command it!
[Tyrion angrily slams his dagger into the table]
Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock!
What did you say? What...did you...SAY?!
I believe we can dispense with the bedding ceremony, Your Grace. I'm sure Tyrion did not mean to threaten the king.
[laughs] A bad joke, Your Grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small, my poor wife won't even know I'm there.
Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace.
I am...guilty. But... But, it is my wedding night. My tiny drunk cock and I have a job to do. Come, wife. I vomited on a girl once. Middle of the act. Not proud of it. But I think honesty is important between a man and wife. Don't you agree? Come, I'll tell you all about it, put you in the mood.
Tyrion, Sansa. My name is Tyrion. [pours himself a cup of wine]
Nothing was ever wiser. Astoundingly long...
Neck. You have one. How old are you, exactly?
Well, talk won't make you any older. My lord father has commanded me to consummate this marriage.
[Sansa pours herself a cup of wine and hastily drinks it; she begins undressing]
[shakes his head] Stop. I can't... I could, but I won't.
If my father wants someone to get fucked, I know where he can start. I won't share your bed. Not until you want me to.
What if I never want you to?
"And so my Watch begins."
