[Bronn enters Tyrion's cell, dressed in noble finery]
My lord. [makes a mocking bow]
Tyrion LannisterYou have new clothes.
You like them, eh? Gloves are doeskin, softer than a virgin's thighs.
Tyrion Lannister
I sent for you days ago.
Tyrion Lannister
Doing what?!
My lonesome bachelor days are over. I'm to wed Lollys Stokeworth.
Tyrion Lannister
Lollys Stokeworth? She doesn't strike me as your sort of girl.
I wouldn't say I had a single sort of girl.
Tyrion Lannister
She's dim-witted!
If I wanted wits, I'd marry you.
Tyrion Lannister
When my sister arranged this love match, did she mention that Lollys has an older sister?
Falyse. Aye, I did know about the older sister.
Tyrion Lannister
And you do understand the rules of inheritance?
Falyse is forty and barren.
Tyrion Lannister
She still gets Castle Stokeworth when her father dies.
[nods] She does...unless she happens to perish before her father, then Lollys gets the castle. [sees Tyrion looking at him incredulously] What? Ladies fall from their horse and snap their pretty necks all the time.
Tyrion Lannister
You and my sister deserve each other. Why did you bother to come here?
You once said if anyone ever asked me to sell you out, you'd double their price.
Tyrion Lannister
Is it two wives you want or two castles?!
One of each would do... but if you want me to kill the Mountain for you, it'd better be a damn big castle.
Tyrion Lannister
I'm a bit short on castles at the moment, but I can offer you gold and gratitude.
I have gold. What can I buy with gratitude?
Tyrion Lannister
You might be surprised. A Lannister always pays his debts.
Your sister's a Lannister too.
Tyrion Lannister
My wife is heir to Winterfell. If I emerge from this with my head still on my shoulders, I may one day rule the North in her name. I could carve you out a big piece of it.
If and may and could. It's bloody cold up north. Lollys is soft and warm and close. If I gave you the choice between fucking Lollys and fighting the Mountain, you'd have your britches down and your cock up before I could blink!
Tyrion Lannister
Does he frighten you so much?!
I'd be a bloody fool if he didn't frighten me. He's freakish big and freakish strong, and quicker than you'd expect for a man of that size. Maybe I could take him, dance around until he's so tired from hacking at me he dropped his sword, get him off his feet somehow...but one misstep and I'm dead. Why should I risk it?
Tyrion Lannister
Because you're my friend.
Aye, I'm your friend...and when have you ever risked your life for me? I like you, pampered little shit that you are. I just...like myself more.
Tyrion Lannister
I understand.
I'm sorry it has to be this way.
Tyrion Lannister
Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place. [they shake hands for the last time]
We had some good days together.
Tyrion Lannister
Yes, we did.
Tyrion Lannister
I suppose I'll have to kill the Mountain myself. Won't that make for a great song?
I hope to hear them sing it one day.
Tyrion Lannister
I imagined you'd be back at the brothel at this hour.
I did spend some time with an absolutely stunning blonde the other day.
Tyrion Lannister
Mm, do tell. I've got every kind of filth down here except the kind I like.
Tyrion Lannister
Oh.
Cersei approached me. We spoke a great deal about her daughter. How worried your sister is about her. She was trying very hard to pretend she had not come to sway me against you. I think she may have even believed it herself.
Tyrion Lannister
Making honest feelings do dishonest work is one of her many gifts.
It was difficult for her to hide her true intentions. It is rare to meet a Lannister who shares my enthusiasm for dead Lannisters. She desperately wants to see you killed.
Tyrion Lannister
She didn't need to bother you. It looks as though I've taken care of that myself. The joy she will feel when my head leaves my neck... she's wanted this for a long time.
Yes, I know. We met, you and I. Many years ago.
Tyrion Lannister
I think I would have remembered that.
Unlikely. You had just been born. Our father brought me and my sister Elia with him, on a visit to Casterly Rock; my first time away from Dorne. I didn't like anything about the Rock. Not the food, not the weather, not your accents. Nothing. But the biggest disappointment... you.
Tyrion Lannister
You and my family have more in common than you might admit.
The whole way from Dorne, all anyone talked about was the monster that had been born to Tywin Lannister. A head twice the size of his body, a tail between his legs, claws, one red eye, the privates of both a girl and a boy.
Tyrion Lannister
That would have made things so much easier.
When we met your sister, she promised she would show you to us. Every day, we would ask; every day, she would say, "Soon." Then, she and your brother took us to your nursery and... she unveiled the freak. Your head was a bit large, your arms and legs were a bit small, but no claw. No red eye. No tail between your legs, just a tiny pink cock. We didn't try to hide our disappointment. "That's not a monster," I told Cersei. "That's just a baby." And she said, "He killed my mother." And she pinched your little cock so hard, I thought she might pull it off. Until your brother made her stop. "It doesn't matter," she told us. "Everyone says he will die soon. I hope they are right. He should not have lived this long."
Tyrion Lannister
Well... sooner or later, Cersei always gets what she wants.
And what about what I want? Justice... for my sister, and for her children.
Tyrion Lannister
If you want justice, you've come to the wrong place.
I disagree. I've come to the perfect place. I want to bring those who have wronged me to justice. And, all those who have wronged me are right here. I will begin with Ser Gregor Clegane, who killed my sister's children and then raped her with their blood still on his hands before killing her, too. I will be your champion.
Tyrion Lannister
[swigs some wine] Wine always helps. Thank you for it. Trial by combat. Deciding a man's guilt or innocence in the eyes of the Gods, by having two other men hack each other to pieces. Tells you something about the Gods. How much longer?
Tyrion Lannister
Do you thing Oberyn has a chance? [Jaime shrugs] The Red Viper of Dorne! You don't get a name like that unless you're deadly, right?
I've never seen him fight.
Tyrion Lannister
Oh, he's going to die! I'm going to die!
Oberyn believes in himself.
Tyrion Lannister
Oh, that's putting it mildly. What's the punishment for regicide? Drawing and quartering? Hanging? Breaking at the wheel?
TLTyrion Lannsiter
Seems rather ordinary. And he was my nephew as well. So what's that? Fratricide is brothers, filicide is sons. Nepoticide! That's the one. Matricide, Patricide, infanticide, suicide. There's no kind of killing that doesn't have its own word.
Tyrion Lannister
Cousins? You're right. There is no name for cousin-killing! Well done. Do you remember cousin Orson? Orson Lannister?
Of course. Wet-nurse dropped him on his head. Left him simple.
Tyrion Lannister
Simple? Used to sit all day in the garden. Crushing beetles with a rock.
Tyrion Lannister
[Chuckles] Nothing made him happier.
Nothing made you happier. You'd think being tormented from birth would have given you some affinity for the afflicted?
Tyrion Lannister
On the contrary. Laughing at another person's misery was the only thing that made me feel like everyone else.
The joke wore thin, though.
Tyrion Lannister
For you. You drifted away.
Tyrion Lannister
Yes, other interests...But I stayed with Orson.
Tyrion Lannister
I was curious. Why was he smashing all those beetles? What did he get out of it? First thing I did was ask him: "Orson, why are you smashing all those beetles?" He gave me an answer: "Thmasth the beetles! Thmasth 'em! Khuun, khuun, khuun!" I wasn't deterred. I was the smartest person I knew. Certainly I had the wherewithal to unravel the mysteries that lay at the heart of a moron. So, I went to Maester Volarik's library.
Volarik. Tried to touch me once.
Tyrion Lannister
Turns out, far too much has been written about great men and not nearly enough about morons. Doesn't seem right. In any case, I found nothing that illuminated the nature of Orson's affliction, or the reason behind his relentless beetle slaughter. So, I went back to the source. I may not have been able to speak with Orson, but I could observe him, watch him the way men watch animals to come to a deeper understanding of their behavior.
Tyrion Lannister
And as I watched, I became more and more sure of it. There was something happening there. His face was like the page of a book written in a language I didn't understand. But he wasn't mindless. He had his reasons. And I became possessed with knowing what they were. I began to spend inordinate amounts of time watching him. I would eat my lunch in the garden, chewing my mutton to the music of "khuun, khuun, khuun..." And when I wasn't watching him, I was thinking about him. Father droned on about the family legacy and I thought about Orson's beetles. I read the histories of Targaryen conquests. Did I hear dragon wings? No. I heard: Khuun, khuun, khuun. And I still couldn't figure out why he was doing it. And I had to know, because it was horrible, that all these beetles should be dying for no reason.
Every day around the world, men, women, and children are murdered by the score. Who gives a dusty fuck about a bunch of beetles--?
Tyrion Lannister
I know, I know. But still, it filled me with dread. Piles and piles of them, years and years of them. How many countless living crawling things smashed and dried out and returned to the dirt? In my dreams I found myself standing on a beach made of beetle husks stretching as far as the eye could see. I woke up crying, weeping for their shattered little bodies. I tried to stop Orson once.
Tyrion Lannister
He just pushed me aside with a "khuun" and kept on smashing. Every day...until that mule kicked him in the chest and killed him.
[Wielding Joffrey's crossbow, Tyrion confronts Tywin, disrobed in the privy in the Tower of the Hand]
[surprised] Tyrion. Put down the crossbow. Who released you? Your brother, I expect. He always had a soft spot for you. Come, we'll go and talk in my chambers. This is how you want to speak to me, hmm? Shaming your father has always given you pleasure.
Tyrion Lannister
All my life you've wanted me dead.
[nodding] Yes. But you refused to die. I respect that. Even admire it. You fight for what's yours. I'd never let them execute you. Is that what you fear? I'd never let Ilyn Payne take your head. You're a Lannister. You're my son.
Tyrion Lannister
[whispers] I loved her.
Tyrion Lannister
Shae.
Oh, Tyrion. Put down that crossbow.
Tyrion Lannister
I murdered her. With my own hands.
Tyrion Lannister
Doesn't matter?
Tyrion Lannister
Say that word again...
And what? You'll kill your own father in the privy? No. You're my son. Now, enough of this nonsense.
Tyrion Lannister
I am your son and you sentenced me to die. You knew I didn't poison Joffrey, but you sentenced me all the same. Why?
Enough. We'll go back to my chambers and speak with some dignity.
Tyrion Lannister
I can't go back there. She's in there.
You're afraid of a dead whore? [Tyrion looses the crossbow bolt into Tywin's gut] You shot me. [he groans in pain as he glares at Tyrion, who loads another bolt] You're no son of mine.
Tyrion Lannister
I am your son. I have always been your son. [Tyrion fires another bolt into Tywin's chest, killing him]
Tyrion Lannister
You never told me why you set me free.
Your brother asked me to.
Tyrion Lannister
You could've said no.
Refuse the Kingslayer? A dangerous proposition.
Tyrion Lannister
Not as dangerous as releasing me. You risked your life, your position, everything. Why? You're not family, you owe me nothing.
I didn't do it for you. I did it for the Seven Kingdoms.
Tyrion Lannister
A drunken dwarf will never be the savior of the Seven Kingdoms.
I don't believe in saviors. I believe men of talent have a part to play in the wars to come.
Tyrion Lannister
You're going to have to find another soldier. I'm done with Westeros, and Westeros is done with me.
[rolls his eyes] You have many admirable qualities. Self-pity is not one of them. Any fool with a bit of luck can find himself born into power, but earning it for yourself? That takes work.
Tyrion Lannister
I'm not well-suited for work.
I think you are. You have your father's instincts for politics and you have compassion.
Tyrion Lannister
Compassion? Yes, I killed my lover with my bare hands, I shot my own father with a crossbow!
I never said you were perfect.
Tyrion Lannister
What is it you want, exactly?
Peace, prosperity. A land where the powerful do not prey on the powerless.
Tyrion Lannister
Where the castles are made of gingerbread and the moats are filled with blackberry wine? The powerful have always preyed on the powerless. That's how they became powerful in the first place.
Perhaps, and perhaps we've grown so accustomed to horror, we assume there's no other way. [Tyrion drinks] If you sat on the Iron Throne, would you spread misery throughout the land?
Tyrion Lannister
I will never sit on the Iron Throne.
No, you won't, but you could help another climb those steps, and take that seat. [pause] The Seven Kingdoms need someone stronger than Tommen, but gentler than Stannis. A monarch who can intimidate the high Lords, and inspire the people. A ruler loved by millions, with a powerful army and the right family name.
Tyrion Lannister
Good luck finding him.
Who said anything about him? You have a choice, my friend. You can stay here at Illyrio's palace and drink yourself to death. Or you can ride with me to Meereen, meet Daenerys Targaryen, and decide if the world is worth fighting for.
Tyrion Lannister
Can I drink myself to death on the way to Meereen?
So, have you decided yet? Whether I'm worthy of your service?
Tyrion Lannister
Have you decided yet whether you're going to have me killed?
It's probably my safest option.
Tyrion Lannister
I can see why you would think so. It's what your father would have done.
And what would your father have done?
Tyrion Lannister
My father, who publicly sentenced me to death? I'd say his thoughts on having me killed were abundantly clear.
Is that why you killed him?
Tyrion Lannister
Someday, if you decide not to execute me...I'll tell you all about why I killed my father. And on that day, should it ever come, we'll need more wine than this.
I know what my father was. What he did. I know the Mad King earned his name.
Tyrion Lannister
So here we sit. Two terrible children of two terrible fathers.
Tyrion Lannister
I've heard stories.
Why did you travel to the far side of the world to meet someone terrible?
Tyrion Lannister
To see if you were the right kind of terrible.
Tyrion Lannister
The kind that prevents your people from being even more so.
Well, I did re-open the fighting pits. Under my rule, murder will once again become entertainment.
Tyrion Lannister
Yes, that was wise. And you agreed to marry someone you loathe for the greater good. Very impressive. My own sister married someone she loathed as well. Though not by choice, and certainly not for the greater good, Gods forbid. She ended up having him killed.
Perhaps it won't come to that.
Jorah sent my secrets to Varys. For twenty years, the Spider oversaw the campaign to find and kill me.
Tyrion Lannister
He did what he had to do to survive; he did a lot of other things as well, things he didn't have to do. I suspect he's the main reason you weren't slaughtered in your crib.
Tyrion Lannister
Yes, oddly. He may be the only person in the world I trust, except my brother.
The brother who killed my father?
Tyrion
That's the one.
Perhaps I will have you killed, after all.
Tyrion Lannister
Your Queenly prerogative. I'd given up on life until Varys convinced me you might be worth living for. You chop off my head? Well...my final days were interesting.
I'm not going to kill you.
Tyrion Lannister
No? Banish me?
Tyrion Lannister
So, if I'm not going to be murdered and I'm not going to be banished...
You're going to advise me. While you can still speak in complete sentences.
Tyrion Lannister
Advise you on what?
Tyrion Lannister
The Iron Throne. Perhaps you should try wanting something else.
If I want jokes, I'll get myself a proper fool.
Tyrion Lannister
I'm not entirely joking. There's more to the world than Westeros, after all. How many hundreds of thousands of lives have you changed for the better, here? Perhaps this is where you belong, where you can do the most good.
I fought, so that no child born into Slaver's Bay would ever know what it meant to be bought or sold. I will continue that fight here, and beyond. But, this is not my home.
Tyrion Lannister
When you get back to your "home", who supports you?
Tyrion Lannister
Let's be generous, and assume that's going to happen. Here, in Slaver's Bay, you had the support of the common people and only the common people. What was that like? Ruling, without the rich? House Targaryen is gone. Not a single person who shares your blood is alive to support you. The Starks are gone, as well; our two terrible fathers saw to that. The remaining members of House Lannister will never back you, not ever. Stannis Baratheon won't back you, either; his entire claim to the throne rests on the illegitimacy of yours. That leaves the Tyrells: not impossible, not enough.
Lannister, Targaryen, Baratheon, Stark, Tyrell. They're all just spokes on a wheel. This one's on top, then that one's on top, and on and on it spins, crushing those on the ground.
Tyrion Lannister
It's a beautiful dream: stopping the wheel. You're not the first person who's ever dreamt it.
I'm not going to stop the wheel. I'm going to break the wheel.
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
[about the fighting pits] You don't approve?
Tyrion Lannister
There's always been more than enough death in the world for my taste. I can do without it in my leisure time.
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
Fair enough. Yet it's an unpleasant question, but what great thing has ever been accomplished without killing or cruelty?
Tyrion Lannister
It's easy to confuse what is with what ought to be, especially when what is has worked out in your favor.
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about the necessary conditions for greatness.
[gesturing to a slain fighter] That is greatness?
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
That is a vital part of the great city of Meereen, which existed long before you or I and will remain standing long after we have returned to the dirt.
Tyrion Lannister
My father would have liked you.
One day your great city will return to the dirt as well.
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
At your command?
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
And how many people will die to make this happen?
If it comes to that, they will have died for a good reason.
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
[indicates the fighters in the pit] Those men think they're dying for a good reason.
HZHizdahr zo Loraq
So your reasons are true and theirs are false? They don't know their own minds but you do?
Tyrion Lannister
Well said. You're an eloquent man. Doesn't mean you're wrong. In my experience, eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles.
[As Tyrion approaches, two dragons, Viserion and Rhaegal, appear still shackled in their collars and approach with a roar.]
Tyrion Lannister
I'm friends with your mother. I'm here to help. Don't eat the help. When I was a child, an uncle asked what gift I wanted for my name day. I begged him for one of you. "It wouldn't even have to be a big dragon," I told him. "It could be little...like me."
[Puts down his torch and gently advances]
Tyrion
Everyone laughed like it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. Then my father told me the last dragon had died a century ago. I cried myself to sleep that night....But here you are.
[Tyrion removes the locking pin on the dragons' collars. The dragons, now unshackled, retreat back to the shadows as Tyrion picks up the torch and hastily retreats.]
Tyrion
[to Varys] Next time I have an idea like that...punch me in the face.
RMRazdahl mo Eraz
Once before, I offered you peace. If you had not been so arrogant, you could have returned to your homeland with a fleet of ships. Instead, you will flee Slaver's Bay on foot, like the Beggar Queen you are.
Tyrion Lannister
We are here to discuss terms of surrender, not to trade insults.
YZYezzan zo Qaggaz
The terms are simple. You, and your foreign friends will abandon the Great Pyramid, and the City of Meereen. The Unsullied you stole from Kraznys mo Nakloz will remain, to be sold again to the highest bidder. The translator you stole from Kraznys mo Nakloz will remain, to be sold again to the highest bidder. The dragons beneath the Great Pyramid will be slaughtered.
We obviously didn't communicate clearly. We are here to discuss your surrender, not mine.
RMRazdahl mo Eraz
I imagine it's difficult. Adjusting to the new reality. Your reign is over!
[Suddenly, Drogon flies over them, roaring. Dany climbs onto his back and they take off. Rhaegal and Viseryon join him flying over the attacking fleet]
[The three dragons attack a warship.]
[addressing the Master's slave-guards, in Valyrian] You men have a choice: fight and die for the Masters, who would never fight and die for you, or go home to your families.
[after a brief pause, the guards drop their weapons and run away, leaving the shocked Masters surrounded by the Unsullied]
Tyrion Lannister
Thank you for the armada! Our Queen does love ships. Now... Last time we spoke, we made a pact. You violated that pact. You declared war upon us. And, though our Queen does have a forgiving nature, this... cannot be forgiven.
Our Queen insists that one of you must die, as punishment for your crimes.
Tyrion Lannister
It always seems a bit abstract, doesn't it? Other people dying.
[After a pause, Razdahl pushes Yezzan forward]
RMRazdahl mo Eraz
Him. He should die.
RMRazdahl mo Eraz
He's not one of us, He's an outsider, low-born! He does not speak for us.
YZYezzan zo Qaggaz
Please. [falls to his knees] Please.
[Grey Worm cuts the throats of the other two Masters, leaving Yezzan alive.]
Tyrion Lannister
Tell your people what happened here. Tell them you live by the grace of Her Majesty. When they come forward with notions of retribution, or ideas about returning the slave-cities to their former glory...remind them what happened, when Daenerys Stormborn and her dragons came to Meereen.
Tyrion Lannister
[referring to her rejection of Daario] How did he take it?
Tyrion Lannister
I know it was hard for you. You turned away a man who truly loves you because he would have been a liability in the Seven Kingdoms. That's the kind of self-sacrifice that makes for a good ruler, if it's any consolation.
Tyrion Lannister
No, I suppose not. I'm terrible at consoling.
Tyrion Lannister
All right, how about the fact that this is actually happening? You have your armies, you have your ships, you have your dragons. Everything you've ever wanted since you were old enough to want anything, it's all yours for the taking. Are you afraid? [Dany nods] Good. You're in the great game now. And the great game's terrifying. The only people who aren't afraid of failure are madmen like your father.
Do you know what frightens me? I said farewell to a man who loves me. A man I thought I cared for. And I felt nothing. Just impatient to get on with it.
Tyrion Lannister
He wasn't the first to love you, and he won't be the last.
Well, you have completely failed to console me.
Tyrion Lannister
For what it's worth, I've been a cynic for as long as I can remember. Everyone's always asking me to believe in things—family, gods, kings, myself. It was often tempting until I saw where belief got people. So I said, "No, thank you," to belief. And yet, here I am. I believe in you. It's embarrassing, really. I'd swear you my sword, but I don't actually own a sword.
It's your counsel I need.
Tyrion Lannister
It's yours. Now and always.
Good. [pulls out an item] I, um, I had something made for you. I'm...I'm not sure if it's right.
[Dany attaches the item to Tyrion's lapel, where it was revealed to be the brooch of The Hand]
Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen.
[Tyrion bends in one knee and bows]
You served my father, didn't you, Lord Varys?
And then you served the man who overthrew him?
I had a choice, Your Grace. Serve Robert Baratheon, or face the headsman's ax.
But you didn't serve him long. You turned against him.
Robert was an improvement on your father, to be sure. There have been few rulers in history as cruel as the Mad King. Robert was neither mad nor cruel; he simply had no interest in being King.
So, you took it upon yourself to find a better one?
Tyrion Lannister
Your Grace, when I was ready to drink myself into a small coffin, Lord Varys told me about a queen in the East...
Before I came to power, you favored my brother. All your spies, your little birds, did they tell you Viserys was cruel, stupid and weak? Would those qualities have made for a good King, in your learned opinion?
Until your marriage to Khal Drogo, Your Grace, I knew nothing about you, save your existence and that you were said to be beautiful.
So, you and your friends traded me, like a prize horse, to the Dothraki?
Which you turned to your advantage.
Who gave the order to kill me?
Who hired the assassins? Who sent word to Essos to murder Daenerys Targaryen?
Your Grace, I did what had to be done...
Tyrion Lannister
Lord Varys has proven himself a loyal servant.
"Proven himself loyal?" Quite the opposite. If he dislikes one monarch, he conspires to crown the next one. What kind of a servant is that?
The kind the Realm needs. Incompetence should not be rewarded with blind loyalty. As long as I have my eyes, I'll use them. I wasn't born into a Great House. I came from nothing. I was sold as a slave, and carved up as an offering. When I was a child I lived in alleys, gutters, abandoned houses. You wish to know where my loyalties lie? Not with any King or Queen, but with the people. The people who suffer under despots and prosper under just rule. The people whose hearts you aim to win! If you demand blind allegiance... I respect your wishes. Grey Worm can behead me, or your dragons can devour me. But if you let me live, I will serve you well; I will dedicate myself to seeing you on the Iron Throne, because I choose you. Because I know that the people have no better chance than you.
Swear this to me, Varys. If you ever think I'm failing the people, you won't conspire behind my back. You'll look me in the eye, as you have done today, and you'll tell me how I am failing them.
And I swear this: if you ever betray me, I'll burn you alive.
[smiles] I would expect nothing less from the Mother of Dragons.
Game of Thrones · 356 quotes
