[Bronn enters Tyrion's cell, dressed in noble finery]
My lord. [makes a mocking bow]
You have new clothes.
You like them, eh? Gloves are doeskin, softer than a virgin's thighs.
I sent for you days ago.
I've been a bit busy.
Doing what?!
My lonesome bachelor days are over. I'm to wed Lollys Stokeworth.
Lollys Stokeworth? She doesn't strike me as your sort of girl.
I wouldn't say I had a single sort of girl.
She's dim-witted!
If I wanted wits, I'd marry you.
When my sister arranged this love match, did she mention that Lollys has an older sister?
Falyse. Aye, I did know about the older sister.
And you do understand the rules of inheritance?
Falyse is forty and barren.
She still gets Castle Stokeworth when her father dies.
[nods] She does...unless she happens to perish before her father, then Lollys gets the castle. [sees Tyrion looking at him incredulously] What? Ladies fall from their horse and snap their pretty necks all the time.
You and my sister deserve each other. Why did you bother to come here?
You once said if anyone ever asked me to sell you out, you'd double their price.
Is it two wives you want or two castles?!
One of each would do... but if you want me to kill the Mountain for you, it'd better be a damn big castle.
I'm a bit short on castles at the moment, but I can offer you gold and gratitude.
I have gold. What can I buy with gratitude?
You might be surprised. A Lannister always pays his debts.
Your sister's a Lannister too.
My wife is heir to Winterfell. If I emerge from this with my head still on my shoulders, I may one day rule the North in her name. I could carve you out a big piece of it.
If and may and could. It's bloody cold up north. Lollys is soft and warm and close. If I gave you the choice between fucking Lollys and fighting the Mountain, you'd have your britches down and your cock up before I could blink!
Does he frighten you so much?!
I'd be a bloody fool if he didn't frighten me. He's freakish big and freakish strong, and quicker than you'd expect for a man of that size. Maybe I could take him, dance around until he's so tired from hacking at me he dropped his sword, get him off his feet somehow...but one misstep and I'm dead. Why should I risk it?
Because you're my friend.
Aye, I'm your friend...and when have you ever risked your life for me? I like you, pampered little shit that you are. I just...like myself more.
I understand.
I'm sorry it has to be this way.
Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place. [they shake hands for the last time]
We had some good days together.
Yes, we did.
What will you do?
I suppose I'll have to kill the Mountain myself. Won't that make for a great song?
I hope to hear them sing it one day.
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