RoyYou see? I came out fine as ever.
(Sighs) You know, maybe it’d do you some good to get your hand slapped every once in a while.
Roy
Don’t blame me, that guy’s a wall… I can’t figure him out… (Al’s scream is heard; Roy and Hawkeye look towards the break room)
Creation follows destruction! I’ll fix him up nice and pretty!
Roy
Bonding a soul to steel is no walk in the park, Fullmetal’s the only one that can fix Al now, go ahead ask him.
That’s right, it’s my burden… But before I do anything I have to get my other arm back…
Well, that is an interesting fix, isn’t it? I mean, if the great Edward can’t use his alchemy…
He’s just a useless teen with a grumpy-ass-attitude.
Anyway… I’ll have to take some leave now… I'm going back to my mechanic. You know the one, don’t you?
Roy
Sure, Ed, how can I forget? I saw you at her house, unconscious, with that same stump of an arm you have now, bawling in your sleep, "It hurts! I'm going to pee my pants!" So tough.
So where you going to go once you’re fixed?
Central… I’ve got something to look up in the library there…
That’s a heck of a trip you’ll need some protection. I would volunteer but… Well, since the Führer going straight to Central and I’m part of his escort, I can’t go.
Roy
They just put me back in charge here; I’ve got to look after this place.
And I’ve got to look after the Colonel.
You could send me, but I don’t know how much help I’d be up against a fanatical alchemist serial killer.
BFBreda, Falman, and Furey
(Ad-lib they agree with Havoc)
That settles it, send me! I’ll protect the boys on their journey for repairs and investigation!
Really, Ed, what do you plan to do if Scar shows up while you’re missing that arm?
Can’t fight; can’t exactly carry your hobbled brother to safety either.
Children should listen to adults!
Ah! You can’t call us children! Al, why don’t you stick up for us here!?!
That is the first time I've been treated like a kid since I became a suit of armor!! Thank you!
The train leaves soon Edward Elric… We’d better go pack our bags.
Uh… This is the first time I've been treated like luggage!
(Cramped by Armstrong) Spacious…
(Knocks and salutes Edward)
KKid
Newspaper? I’ve got tea, too!
(Motions for the kid to leave him alone) Hey, I've got a message from Roy.
He said, "Don't die under my command; you're enough of a pain without the paperwork." And that was it.
Tell him, "Fine, there's no way I'm dying before you do, you morally bankrupt Colonel with a God complex."… And tell him to take this gorilla escort here off my hands too.
Alright, easy. (Edward looks away) Look, Ed. I don’t know what Marcoh said to upset you, but I found some info you might find helpful. About three years ago we found the remains of a girl, who’d been turned into a chimera, I’m sure you remember.
The way she was torn apart… Turns out it’s identical to the way Scar’s been killing people.
(Gasps) Thanks, Hughes. That does help; now I can take him on.
Edward! You didn’t tell me you were in the hospital for this!
Yeah, well, one thing, lead to another… He-he…
This is nothing to laugh about!
I didn’t do the maintenance on your auto-mail the way I should have, and now… This is my fault…
No don’t say that! There are a lot of other things to blame! Right Al?
There, you see? And Al doesn’t lie!
Your maintenance was perfect, it always has been! It’s complicated machinery, and I’m slinging it all around! It was bound to jam up some time! I mean honestly, the timing was pretty good, if it’d stopped earlier, I’d be a lot worse off! It broke because I was rough with it, don’t worry!
(Thinks) Could he actually not have noticed I forgot to use that screw? (Talking) YOU’RE RIGHT, ED! YOU’RE TOO ROUGH! A RECKLESS KLUTZ, REALLY! AHAHAHAHA!
SSheska
Lieutenant Colonel, sorry to interrupt, but there’s a call from Colonel Mustang.
Yo, Roy! Good timing, I’ve got great news!
Roy
What?! Your soldiers have found Scar?!
No, you obsessed idiot! How would that be great news? Did you honestly forget? Tomorrow’s Alicia’s birthday! We’re throwing her a party and everything!
Roy
Unless you want to become charcoal, Maes, you’d better tell me the news from Central!
Don’t worry, if anything important happens, I’ll let you know, but in the meantime, make sure you send my daughter a present! Bye now!
Roy
Uh! Rrrrggggg!
SSheska
But, sir, are you sure it’s okay not to tell him anything, about the boys?
Yeah, I’m sure, right now it’s better if he doesn’t know anything…
But enough about that, you got those reports?
SSheska
YEAH! Working non-stop without sleep, I’ve managed to finish them all!
(Takes a sip of his drink) Great, here’s a list of what’s next, doll.
How you doing’? Huh? Well, Ed it looks like you’re done with your dinner…
Don’t be a baby. It won’t hurt much. Huh? (’moo’ is heard) You didn't drink your milk. (Ed twitches) Edward...
(grumbling) You drink it. I hate milk. It's like drinking vomit.
(shoving it in his face) WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! MILK'S GOOD FOR YOU! DRINK IT!
(shoving it away) FORGET IT! I HATE WHAT I HATE! IT'S NOT LIKE I'LL DIE BECAUSE I DON'T DRINK THAT CRAP!
JEEZ! AND THIS IS THE REASON YOU'RE ALWAYS GOING TO BE THE SIZE OF A BEAN!
Just do what she says, Ed. Drink the dumb milk.
Yeah, sure, easy for you to say, Al, you're lucky. You didn't have to drink anything to get that big!
Shut up. It wasn't my choice to be this way!
You’re right, Al… I’m sorry…
Hey, what’s the matter are you two fighting?
Roy
‘Killed in action’ and promoted two ranks for it. Brigadier General Hughes… You were the guy who was going to work below me, and push me to the top. Then you get yourself killed, and pass me in the ranks. I don’t know what’s more absurd: you or the state.
Roy
You know, years ago, I had a theory on human transmutation, and after all we’ve seen I was actually trying to remember it now. We alchemists are such hopeless, predictable things. Why didn’t he tell me, Lieutenant? Ed and Al in danger, Lab 5… Maybe I could have done something to help!
Maybe because he knew you’d try, sir.
Roy
What’s that mean?
When those boys are in harm’s way, well, sometimes your decisions aren’t exactly rational. Maybe Brigadier General Hughes didn’t tell you because he wanted you to concentrate on your own goal instead of the Elrics’, so you could make it to the top, without anymore set backs.
Roy
It’s-it’s going to rain today.
Got my girlfriend to bake you an apple pie! You want it? Roy…
Roy
It’s called a "Taboo", forbidden alchemy, it’s kind of fun.
I don’t understand much about alchemy! But I’m no fool, and I certainly know what happens to anyone who commits a taboo!
Roy
You can relax, Maes, I haven’t done anything.
Maybe not yet, but you were planning to.
Roy
You just don’t understand. I killed a lot of people out there.
Roy
Easy for you to say you weren’t there.
No, I wasn’t. And if you didn’t want to kill enemies in battle, you shouldn’t have been there either; you should have asked for a desk job, like I did. Did you think if you became a State Alchemist you could fix everything? Bring back anyone who ever died in a controversial war? Invent some Utopian world?
Roy
Heh, I don’t know.
Is a taboo so easy to commit you just need a little binge of studying to pull it off? Or do you just want to wait and die? Because if that’s the case, there are plenty of easier means.
Roy
I had it at my mouth, Maes, and I couldn’t pull the trigger, I was too afraid to end it.
Roy
That’s just the kind of cowardly human that I am.
Roy
Even my life, detestable as it is will have some use… Maes, I have a plan.
Roy
I’m going to become the Führer, Maes. It’s the only way I can justify taking my next breath.
Well to do that you’ll have to have someone who knows you and the system, and can support you from the inside. I work under you, stay close to the higher ups, and help push you to the top.
Roy
Damn it! I still don't see why I have to tag along on their stupid midnight ghost hunt!
Because they admire you more than you realize.
Roy
What good is admiration from other men? They're soldiers. How are they supposed to deal with living breathing people when they're afraid of the dead. I didn't tell you to stop here, Lieutenant.
Hawkeye: You looked like you wanted me to, sir.
Oh Colonel Mustang, what a surprise.
Roy
I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced. I was just in the neighborhood so...
Nonsense. I appreciate you for taking the time. Elicia, you remember Roy Mustang, say hello.
Roy
Hiya kiddo, you've grown. (Elicia hides behind her mother)
I'm sorry. She's just a little shy, but please come in.
Roy
No, I'd better not. I have tons of paperwork. I'll be seeing you.
Roy
Like I was saying, it's always a lot scarier dealing with the living. Give me a ghost to talk to any day.
Roy
This is ridiculous! Five grown men trying to sneak a peek at ghost on their night off.
By ridiculous, you mean scary...
Well, it means a lot, you comin' out, Colonel.
Roy
Let's just hurry so I can sleep.
Oh yeah, did we forget to tell you that the lights are out from this point on?
Roy
What the hell has the maintenance staff been doing?
And Breda said, let there be light. (shadow of a ghost appear on building)
Roy
It's just a shadow, moron!
Yeah, calm down. These shadows can be your friend, Fuery. [makes a shadow puppet] Look, I'm cute little puppy dog. [The shadow changes] WAHHHH!
Roy
Stop freaking out!
We'll stop jumping when things stop being scary!
Roy
How did I get such a pathetic staff?! Come on! I'll prove to you there’s no such thing as ghosts!
Don't leave us alone, Colonel!
Oh, that reminds me. Colonel, what do you think of this ring?
Roy
...What's this?
I just told you, it's a ring!
Roy
I'm sorry, but I cannot accept a gift like this from another man.
It's not a gift, you moron!
Oh? So you're giving it to a girl? Haha, you're blossoming early, shrimp!
That ain't it either, and don't call me a shrimp!
Roy
It looks like a normal old ring to me. Is there something special about it?
Well, you see... No, it's nothing. Just forget it
Hmm... Something's fishy here, and it ain't cod. Wait a minute! You're not planning on wooing my daughter at an early age, are you!?
...Roy, let's grill this shrimp up. I'll get the skewers...
Roy
...And I'll provide the flames.
Ed, how could you? Trying to win her favor at the age of two! You start early, don't you?
Geez, don't you guys know how to come onto a scene- without making a scene? You're so attention starved!
Roy
Right... You knew I'd have to show my face sometime. So, how have things been going, FullMetal? Look's like this was a close call- guess that means you owe me one.
I don't owe you anything! These golems couldn't get an inch on- WWAAAHHHH!
[Roy snaps his fingers, making a bomb go off right behind Ed, sending him flying forward; killing the monsters, but made the corpses pile up on Ed in the process.]
Roy
[holds up two fingers] Now, you owe me two.
[as he struggles to get loose] Arghh!! If you're my backup- then back me up!!
Roy
[laughs] That's funny. But, I'm not here for backup, FullMetal.
Roy
You fought bravely enough. Now, you can leave it in the hands of the state.
Fullmetal Alchemist · 336 quotes
