[the priests are holding a competition to find out who should get the two parachutes on the plane]
Father Cave, do you want to go first?
I haven't written this down, because this comes from the heart. Father Gallagher, I've known you and been your friend for many years. And I think it's important to say, I love you. I love you more than anyone I've ever loved! I don't want the parachute, give it to him! [sits down and bursts into tears, while the other priests look taken aback]
R-right, well done, Father Cave. Father Fay?
[Fay stands up, clears his throat, then yells monkey-style gibberish while waving his arms around. The other priests look awed and clap admiringly]
Well, beat that! Joe?
I think I should get the parachute because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get both the parachutes, in case one of them doesn't work! [disapproving grumbles from the other priests]
Not a popular one, Joe. Father Flynn, what did you write?
I haven't written anything, because I'm not really good at that type of thing. But I did a drawing.
Right, well, can we have a look?
[Flynn reveals the drawing; it shows himself naked from behind, while walking a dog]
What do you think?
Well, er...
It's me, in the nip, with a dog!
[bewildered] What... how... how does that help you win a parachute?
What do you mean, parachute? I wasn't listening at the start, there. Why would I want a parachute?
The plane's in trouble, and there's a competition to see who gets a parachute.
Ohh... [sits down, looking shellshocked]
Okay, er, Father Jack, you next. [there is no response. The priests look around, but Jack is nowhere in sight] Father Jack? Where's Father Jack?
The parachutes! The parachutes have gone!
[we see Father Jack, standing at one of the aeroplane's doors; he has one of the parachutes for himself, and has strapped the other to the drinks trolley. He pushes the trolley out, then follows it]
[echoing] DRIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More Father Ted quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.